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It’s been a while since I published a Co-Parenting Update! I think in a lot of ways, it’s because things have been in a pretty settled place recently. We are in a good routine, and we’ve worked hard on our communication and boundaries over the years. While we are not always perfect or agree on every little thing, I think that our situation is overwhelmingly a positive one– both for us as individuals, and for the kids. I’ve said before, and I’ll say again, that in my experience the best co-parenting happens when you center the children in your process, and ignore the noise around you. Each family has to find what works for them. And, perhaps, the most important thing is two parents (or more if you’re re-coupled!) who are totally committed to getting through it all in a positive way and with a lot of compassion and grace.
I sometimes feel resentful when I hear people say, “Oh you’re so lucky that your situation is like that”– as if it happened on its own by chance. The reality is that it has taken all of us (Ian included!) a lot of compassion, forgiveness, courage, and love to get to the place we’re in now. It’s not easy and it’s certainly not luck and luck alone. What I am is grateful. I’m very grateful that Kyle has continued to join me in our shared goal of nurturing the most graceful, stable, and love-filled childhood for our kids possible. We both felt that they deserved to see their parents happier separate than together, and it’s been our mission to make that big life transition worth the squeeze. I really hope that the way we are conducting ourselves during their childhood teaches them that family is forever and that it is always possible to create a happier path forward, even if that means evolving out of a marriage or long-term relationship.
The truth is that so many people don’t necessarily pair together well as a long-term romantic relationship. It takes so much time, and work on yourself, to even know what you want or need from a romantic partner, and certainly from one as long and evolution-seeking as a marriage. It’s natural for the shape and look of our families to change over time. Divorce is so common. But, sadly, so is deep-rooted resentment, pain, suffering, and toxicity in unhealthy marriages. Our divorce has always been FOR our children. The ones who understand that, understand it.
I hope that as a culture we can make Co-parenting as mainstream as traditional families are. I’ve been thinking so much lately about how little resources there are for families like ours. So few lines of greeting cards cater to blended families, bonus parents, or kids who have a non-traditional upbringing. There isn’t a lot out there for people navigating co-parenting, or seeking to come together through their pain to center their children during a divorce. I hope this changes. I have some ideas for ways it could. Or at least, some methods to help. Stay tuned for more on that later this year. **wink wink**
Lastly, I decided that I want to put all of my co-parenting installments here in one place. If you’re co-parenting, thinking of embarking on a journey towards dissolving your marriage, or if you’re simply curious: I encourage you to read from the beginning of these updates that I began over four years ago. You’ll get a pretty good picture of the journey it has been.
A Co-Parenting Update: Part One
A Co-Parenting Update: Part Two
A Co-Parenting Update: Part Three
A Co-Parenting Update: Part Four
A Co-Parenting Update: Part Five
A Co-Parenting Update: Part Six
A Co-Parenting Update: Part Seven
A Co-Parenting Update: Part Eight
As always, feel free to reach out with any comments or questions you may have in the comments below!
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