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I’m fully aware that the reason most everyone was completely surprised by our pregnancy announcement was the fact that I’ve emphatically said, publicly, time and time again that we were finished at two kids. For the record, I fully believed that! I wasn’t tricking anyone! LOL. I even sold and gave away every single piece of baby and maternity paraphernalia we had and we moved in to a home without room for a nursery. I repeat: we continue to have no room for a nursery. But, sometimes– and unexpectedly in our case– your heart is opened to another view of the future. And today I’m going to talk a bit about what went in to that decision!
This past February, I took Kyle to dinner in the city for his birthday. We had agreed during the holidays that a vasectomy was in our family’s future, and I left it to Kyle to research the doctors he wanted to interview and to make an appointment. He was the one most vocal about the vasectomy during our decision making process! At his birthday dinner, about halfway through, I ended up asking him about whether he had made his vasectomy appointment yet. I was teasing him that it was taking him forever to get it done and jokingly asked him if he got cold feet. He looked at me with the weirdest look on his face, and I pushed him to find out what he was thinking…finally he spilled the beans: “I think I want to go for a third”. I was SHOCKED. Shocked. He then launched in to an entire campaign for why we should do it! I just sat back and listened, and a lot of it made perfect sense to me.
One of the biggest things Kyle and I have had to work on in our marriage is our different views of gender roles when it pertains to parenting. For many years, he was involved the bare minimum in helping me with the kids, even though I was working full time. A lot of this had to do with his upbringing, and some of it was other factors– but it took a lot of therapy for us to get on the same page and work through how our own backgrounds lead to a lot of clashes in this department. I was frustrated and resentful, and quite honestly, exhausted. We’ve come a long way, but we still continue to work on this dynamic in our relationship. Because I shouldered a lot of the child-rearing in the early years with the kids, the idea of more than two always seemed completely overwhelming to me, especially during the times where Kyle and I were in pretty intensive therapy together. One of the things Kyle was telling me at dinner was how much he wanted to “redo” those years that he missed with our other two kids, and how much more he wanted to be there for me with a third child. I was really moved by this point, since there were parts about Major’s babyhood that I also really felt that I “missed” due to my PPD and PTSD. If I was being honest with myself, I had always kind of wished for a do-over during that time with my “last child”. After doing so much work on myself the past couple of years, the idea of being able to have a different experience as a mom the third time around was definitely appealing to me.
Kyle was also reminding me how big the families are that we both come from and how much “easier” things had seemed recently with our two kiddos at much different stages than we had been in when we committed to two kids. I couldn’t disagree on that point. Before I got married, I had always said I wanted four kids. A part of me was always surprised that I had decided on two. All in all, It was truly pretty surreal watching Kyle make such a case for another child. I was touched, terrified, and emotional all at the same time. I definitely wasn’t convinced, though. Then he said: “Tell me in ten years, when we’re sitting around the dinner table and it’s just the four of us, that you’re not going to wish we had one more.” He was right, I couldn’t say for sure that I wouldn’t. In fact, the idea of the finality of our family of four that far down the road kind of made me sad, in a weird way. But I wasn’t ready to commit yet. My head was spinning from this revelation and the fact that he wanted to essentially “re-plan” our future. I asked him to give me until the summer to really think it over and process everything in my mind.
As we got closer to the summer, I kept thinking so much about a third baby and wondering how he or she would change the dynamics in our family. Watching Marlowe and Major together, and their tight bond, I felt both the impulse to preserve that relationship exactly as it was…but at the same time I wondered what it would feel like for them to share that love and tenderness with a third person. I would have days when I thought “Let’s do it!” And other days when I thought “Never in a million years”. Mostly, I just wondered if I had it in me to start all over again from square one.
There is one thing that my journey to motherhood has taught me for sure, though, which is that you are given the children you were always meant to have…exactly when you are meant to have them. I realized that I was thinking about it so much that I was forgetting the most important thing: It isn’t up to me! Before we left for Italy in June, I told Kyle I was ready to “open the door” to a third child and see what happened (no intense “trying”) but that if I wasn’t pregnant by the end of the winter Holiday season, we would move forward with closing the door for good. We left on our trip…and I got pregnant immediately. LOL. I have never gotten pregnant that easily or that fast ever– and to be honest, it was exactly the sign I needed that this child was always meant to be a part of our family.
I will admit that I haven’t had a ton of time to “digest” this new path, so to speak, and there are still a ton of logistics that are hairy at best. But from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I felt so sure about our choice. I know there will be so many tough moments as we adjust to being a family of five this Spring. I’m not even trying to deny that. LOL. But the look of joy on my kids’ faces when we talk about their baby brother has brought so much more happiness than I ever could have imagined. I hope I can enjoy every moment given to me with this surprise, not-so-surprise, last puzzle piece of our family. He is already SO loved.
I’m curious if you’re the fence about expanding your family, or if our story resonated at all with you! Please share in the comments below!
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I am so happy for you all! I too have a third, he is what we call our “bonus baby”. Never ever did I think we would have 3 children, but I cannot imagine our life without Henry (he is Majors age now). My two older kids (Boy & girl) have learned so much by having a baby brother, one of them being lots of patience. Watching them all interact and love each other is the most precious thing in my life. I won’t lie and say it’s not crazy at times, but such is life anyway. I truly feel we are complete with my third babe. And yes, the third “do over” is like 3 times the charm, the amount of patience and letting go of control is ten fold. I am better for it. Best of luck to you and your family! It is going to be great! Meghann
The struggle is very real for me on this topic. I ALWAYS wanted 3 kids. We had fertility issues the first time around. Our first baby was a dream baby. Ate well, slept well, never cried. I always knew if we had another, it would be a little crazy monster baby and I was right haha. Given our fertility struggles, we tried as soon as we could and got lucky the first time! The kids are 2y 4m apart. #2 is the sweetest and most loving… but he’s so headstrong and determined. So stubborn, it’s his way or the highway. Quite possible the most challenging human on the earth. He never slept as a baby and always cried. He was so challenging that we said we would be crazy to do this on purpose right now. Maybe when he’s older and they’d be like 4 years apart…
Well now he’s 4.5. I thought I closed the door because the two are such a handful and my mental state would surely suffer if I had more on my plate. And now we’re so far from babyland. We are so mobile, no one needs diapers or a change of clothes packed… but I’m still on the fence and I’m so afraid that we’ll regret not going for #3.
I have been so looking forward to this post because I love hearing how people decide. I don’t know how to make the decision. For two years I was secretly hoping for an accidental pregnancy to make the decision for us, but I guess we’re “too responsible” lol.
Thank you for sharing so much of this journey with us.
This article hit home to me. I currently only have one. I also have a house where my husband does his best but bare minimum with the parenting as well. My son was the calmest baby and I had a good pregnancy but when toddlerhood came, he was overwhelming and exhausting to say the least. Now that he is 5 and in Kinder, my husband and I are on the fence about starting all over again. (More so me?). I also have this weirdest feeling of guilt that my whole world won’t be my son if a second one comes around. Weird!? And I know he’ll be the best big brother, he loves babies. We too have left the door open for now….let’s see how it goes I guess!
Same! Except my son is 11 ?
My son is 11. We have suffered 2 miscarriages over the years. I had came to terms with my dream of a houseful of children being over…found out over a week ago we’re expecting. I’m so nervous about this whole new adventure..about starting over. My main issue at this point is also my mental health. I suffer horribly from anxiety and tend to have panic attacks. It seems like it has been kicked into overdrive. I’m scared in a way about living the next 8 months feeling like I do now.
Same! My son will be 10!in two months. We always said we’d give it ten years before closing the door, but really I think we both adjusted to having just one a long time ago…until yesterday when we got a test that was inconclusive at best (can’t tell if it’s a faint line or an Evap line). My head is spinning, but there’s a peace with knowing that what’s supposed to happen will happen.
Same here!! Ours is 6 and I am so on the fence. We’ve gotten so used to life now and how easy it is to travel. Hard to think about losing that again. And sleep! But afraid we will regret it later in life.
We have one, he will be five in December. Right after he was born I chose to have a five year IUD put in cause I was SURE I would not want another.
This summer my partner and I discussed the option of a second just to explore the idea. And we are still 90% in camp only child but there remains 5-10% of us on the fence on a completely calm and chill Saturday when work doesn’t have either of us half way across the country or world and our kid hasn’t done something insane to the house or himself.
I too have to wonder, at almost five years in and completely out of all the newborn and baby stage if I could start all over. I think that is what scares me the most.
Probably staying team only child just out of that fear alone lol. Enjoy the pregnancy and new baby xx
I currently have 2 boys- ages 4 and 2. Some days my husband and I are like yeah this is awesome let’s have one more! And other days I call him and ask if he’s had a vasectomy on his way home from work. We also don’t have finite resources, so we would need a new car, and all new baby stuff as my post partum was convinced I could only handle 2. Also, daycare is SO EXPENSIVE. So we are on the fence about it. We will make a decision by this winter I think.
Your comment about believing, “you are given the children you were always meant to have…exactly when you are meant to have them” really resonated with me. My husband and I have been struggling to have children and are also in the process of fostering in hopes to adopt one day but the unknown of it all has been so hard. As a self described control freak this process has been so incredibly difficult but I am learning to have patience and trust the process. Congratulation to you and your family! It will be so fun to watch your children love and teach the new little one!
We had twins after YEARS of trying, IUI’s, IVF”s, miscarriages. IVF #4 finally worked.
We weren’t sure we would try for a third but I felt incomplete but, we had so much trouble conceiving and had boy/girl twins, we felt lucky. We said at 2yrs old we would talk about a 3rd. I also had 4 frozen embryos we would use, we wouldn’t even bother trying on our own.
Then when they were 15 months old I realized I had gotten pregnant without trying or thinking about it, a total “accident”.
We joke he is our “freebie” after all the $$$ we spent on fertility treatments!
And he completes ME. I wasn’t sure I was done at 2 and when he was born I knew I was DONE and completed.
He calls me his true love and he is our miracle baby! I am so thankful it happened on it’s own because I may have not gone down the “trying hard” road again and missed out him. I feel like he came to us.
What a beautiful story and miracle baby!
Oh man, this post has got me in a way…. We had our first a year ago after years of infertility. Super difficult pregnancy that culminated in an emergency preterm birth. We had no third trimester – baby was 3 months early at 1.5 lbs and spent the first 3 months in the NICU. All is fine now and we have a healthy one year old.
I’m not sure if it’s even possible for me to have another, but the discussion is scheduled with my doctor at the end of this year. It’s hard to move past the trauma of our experience, but I’m so on the fence about whether our family feels “done” with what we have now, which is pretty perfect to be honest. I’m of “advanced maternal age” lol, which is a factor as well.
I wish I had a stronger leaning towards yes or no, but each day brings a different feeling. Hopefully the discussion with my doctor will bring some more direction.
Congratulations on the new addition! I loved this blog post for so many reasons! My husband and I are toying with the idea of adding another baby to our family. It is something I struggle with on a daily basis. After reading your post, I realize that either way we will be OK.
We have two boys that were born a year Apart … not planned
After surviving 2 babies so close (a postpartum after my 2nd)it was great to see their bond and although they are very different people they had a built in friend
We had a miscarriage when my youngest was 2 1/2 and that started the convo about a 3rd
Like you we left the door open and our 3rd came and was a girl she changed everything and also made me realize all the little things i had missed being so busy raising 2 babies I had time to lay on the floor and stare at her and hold her while The boys where at school and I wouldn’t change a thing
even if we had to get a bigger house and a bigger car it was so worth it
Thanks for sharing, im so happy you decided to go for #3. I completely agree with your statement of we have the kids we are meant to have. I have a 4yo and due to medical issues we’re not able to have more. As sad as this makes me im also very thankful to have given birth to healthy baby before my medical issues began.
I’m currently on this fence. I’ve always wanted two kids (and technically I do, since I have a stepdaughter) and we had our son last year. I’ve been thinking, do I want to start over? How would it affect finances? The first one has been so easy-does that mean a crazy child comes next? Is it possible I would end up with twins (my sister did) I got married at 35, now I’m 38. IF we have another child, it would need to be soon, I really don’t want to be getting pregnant past 40. My son is at a really fun age right now (18 months) but I’ve been looking at his baby pictures/videos and thinking more and more-maybe I’m not done yet. Your posts are making me question more (in a good way!)
Reading this was exactly what I needed right now – I know that sounds sort of weird, but we have a 2.5 year old and a 3mo and I cannot shake the feeling that I want a 3rd, even though I swore I was done at 2.
Pregnancy is not easy for me, at all. I’m high-risk and it knocks me on my butt for the first half, but I do love being pregnant and I LOVE having a baby. Your explanation of how you came to the decision to have a third is giving me great thinking and talking points to guide my husband and I to our own decision, so thank you!
i just had to comment and say that those shirts are AMAZING!!!!!!
This completely resonated with me. I haven’t said we are done expanding our family, but I’ve definitely hit pause for now. Being in the thick of having two the overwhelm can be so intense, but it does seem like each day it gets a little easier. The part about your mindset can change within just a few months or year really spoke to me especially with young ones the stages your family goes through. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful and personal journey ?
Oh my goodness, your story is very similar to mine, I loved reading it, thank you for sharing! For years we were also done at two kids, and we said so to all our family and friends, but this winter I started to realize that I might regret never trying for a third. I somehow convinced my husband and, like you, it happened faster and more easily than my other two children (and I’m 39 now). I took it as a sign that this was the right decision. It was an adjustment getting used to the idea of how a baby will fit into the busy school and activity schedules of my 5 and 7 year olds, but we’ll work it out. I’m now 22 weeks pregnant with a boy after having two girls, we are all so excited!
I so badly want a third baby. My heart wants it so bad. My husband knows this, but he’s happy with two. We are not in a good place at the moment and I’m so sad that the window I had in mind for a third is getting close to closing. I also have so many doubts as I’m barely holding on by a thread being a SAHM of two. But I know years from now, I won’t regret having one more even though it will be hard as hell in the beginning. I’ve never heard you mention the gender role problems you guys had. That’s actually our biggest problem too.
This post resonated so much with me. I am constantly on the fence about weather to have another baby or stop at 1. My son is a delight but postpartum has been so much harder than I realized. My body, spirit and mental health has been through a rollercoaster at times making me wonder why would I put myself through it again. But there is nothing like meeting your baby that first time after they are born. My eyes well up when I think of that moment. It is pure magic. I like what you said about getting the children you were meant to have, when you’re meant to have them. And what Kyle said about sotting around a table in ten years and what it would look and feel like. It definitely makes me want baby #2 even though like your early mothering days I often felt being a mother was harder than a dad. The physical. The emotional. I wonder how you moved beyond that to accept it and be so happy for baby #3? I am also so excited to hear the names you love! Marlowe and Major are so lucky to have you as their mom. ❤️
I am so moved by this and so happy for you. Nothing in life is certain and sometimes opening up to change is the only thing that we can do. I’m happy for you all and the journey you are about to go on.
You’ve got this babe xx
3 kids is the best, mine are all 2 years apart. We just closed the year on ages 2,4 and 6 and what a crazy train it was – but a super fun ride. So curious now what your plans are for your new house and rooms situation. As this was planned to be your long term home I’m sure you have something creative up your sleeve? Room sharing maybe?
Hi Eva! I loved hearing your take on expanding your family. We decided after we had our son and had a not so great experience in his early years( I’ll spare the details but he was diagnosed with neuroblastoma at 8 months old). He is now a very healthy soon to be 12 year old boy and has been cancer free for 10 years.??? But we immediately decided we never wanted another child because neither one of was willing to take a chance on that happening again. Everyone was very critical and to this day his family still asks when we’re going to have another. ? However we both feel like what happened was meant to happen and we were supposed to have Kian (our son) and only Kian. Thank you for opening up, it’s so interesting to hear other people’s perspectives on growing their family. ???
Wow! It’s so surreal reading this because my husband and I were on the fence so badly on a second child. We’d try one day and then avoid each other physically like we had the plague for a week after in fear lol. Luckily for us, as it happened for you, fate stepped in and on our summer vacation I came back plus one! When we finally found out we each had a sense of peace. Wholeness. I’m actually due in April so you and I are doing the “surprise-planned baby” journey together which is so fun for me! Thank you for sharing your journey because now I feel the weight of the guilt of my uncertainty to committing to the idea at first isn’t just a me thing. Congratulations!!!!
Love it love it love it ? I have 2 girls one just turned 3yrs two days ago and I have an almost 9 month old. I def always wanted 3 but when my first daughter was born up until she was 1 I even doubted going for a second. Then when she was 14 months I thought what the hay. I had a miscarriage and then 2 months later got pregnant with my rainbow baby. As soon as she was born, the delivery was so easy etc and she was so blissful I felt I could have 10 more!!! I still want a third just trying to figure how much time to give my little one as the baby of the house. As my mom always says “the third baby adds the spice”. Lots of luck. Xxx
My husband had two kids when we started seeing each other (11 and 8 year olds). After a while, a light bulb went off and I knew I had to have a baby. He was definitely on the fence but we decided to try. I got pregnant immediately and I delivered the most precious boy. I knew the day I gave birth that I would have one more baby. Eventually, I got pregnant again and gave birth to the most strong willed independent little girl and she completed our family perfectly! So we have two adult children who are on their own with jobs and we have two younger kids in elementary and middle school… our family gatherings are what dreams are made of! Both our older children have partners, so we are a very large party of 8 and it is the very best! Congratulations on the new baby!! So very happy for you all!
I feel like this post was written for me! I also have a boy and girl, 4 and 2 years old. I have been so conflicted the last couple months of whether to have one last baby. Part of me, like you, loves the sweet bond my son and daughter have and I don’t want to disrupt it! But I also get so emotional thinking about how another child might enhance that sibling relationship. Motherhood and pregnancy are HARD, but I also understand this season of life, of being able to be pregnant, birth a baby and have young children is so, so short in the grand scheme of things and it’s such a gift to experience that, I’m not sure I am ready to shut the door on that chapter of life. Because once it’s over, it’s over. But it’s also daunting to “start over” as you say! The newborn phase is magical but just about kills me!! Amazing how both those feelings can coincide with each other! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your experience on going for #3. Its nice to hear your point of view, your truth, and journey to making the decision and how excited you are for the blessing of a new baby, even if it’s a little scary!
I hear you on this one!! We have a 2 year old (turned 2 in June) and I’m always going back and forth with having another. I want him to have a sibling, but the newborn phase leveled me. It’s so easy with him now, how will another kid fit into our routine? We love himSO MUCH can we love another one? But then I think about introducing him to his baby brother/sister and it seems so sweet. I want to do what you did and just leave it up to fate—but the planner in me is struggling with that!!
Congrats to you first of all! I have to be honest for those on the fence. My 3rd child was really the end of my marriage. I was a stay at home mom and my husband worked 6 days a week and never helped me cause he was always tired. I had 2 girls and was fine with it but got all of my affection from my kids so I needed more. My girls were super close and not at all interested in their brother. He was really my baby and still is to this day (16 years old now). I realized after being overwhelmed and exhausted for many years that my now ex was a selfish narcissist and I needed help. Got into therapy and out of that marriage. Met my soul mate and raised our kids together in a much happier space and with support. To make a long story short if I hadn’t had my 3rd I would’ve stayed and been very unhappy. He is so special and led me to make the best decision of my life at the end of the day. Best of luck on your journey!
Such a good read! I’m on the fence and constantly think about ‘the dinner table’ scenario but… my husband isn’t really on board. It’s a yes from him if I want a third, but he’s really not that keen, so I AM TORN! Congrats again!
Loved everything about your post!! Possibly because it hit so close to home for me but also because of how open and honest you are with us! Love you and your family! Looking forward to following you on this journey ❤️
Oh my gosh this resonates with me RIGHT where I am! My husband and I have actually always wanted more than two kids and right now we have a boy and a girl! We are on the cusp of hitting the time we wanted to start trying for a third, but honestly I keep pushing it off each month. For the reasons you said above that some days I am totally on board and other days I can’t imagine how i am going to survive just the two! ? But the part of your post that is screaming to me is the part about picturing us all in the future! When I picture the 4 of us being our complete family it is actively unsettling to my heart. There is at least one more little person (maybe two ??♀️) who is supposed to be sitting at our dinner table!! I watch my kids playing together and I keep having this feeling that we are missing someone! Thank you for your post! I love that you didn’t have it all figured out and the logistics ironed out before you trusted the universe to tell you! This is so encouraging!
I love this! You’re human, you’re allowed to CHANGE YOUR MIND! I’m so excited for your family and to watch the process all over again on IG and the blog! We have 2 girls (4 and 18 months) I am torn on whether or not a third is in our future!
My husband convinced me to get started on number 2 before number 1 was a year old. I became pregnant IMMEDIATELY. This was a much harder pregnancy with a round of PPD to top it off. I kept saying during pregnancy and healing from my c section and the brutal exhaustion of those first weeks that I was DONE.
But she’s almost 7 months old now and crawling around and getting teeth and sleeping like a champ and now I’m not so sure I don’t want one more baby. Keeping an open mind, but we vowed to wait until number 2 is two years old before we make the final choice. My girls are only 20 months apart and I cannot deal with THREE in diapers lol
Three kids is amazing. We had our 3rd in February. Our kids ages range from 5yrs old, 3yrs old, and 6 months. It has been a big adjustment she has been our toughest one but her tough is not as bad as I hear others are. Our first 2 kids where so easy. We have always said we wanted 4 but our plans are ending at 3. I have had 3 cesareans the 1st being emergency and being put under for that one. So with having 3 I have been the one to make the final decision but I know my husband would love a 4th. He supports my decision and knows how hard this has been on me.
I have always said 2 and still feel that way but my youngest is only 6 months so now I’m wondering if my heart will change my mind.
I was very excited when I heard your news!
I, too, wanted 4 kids before having any. Then after 2 decided we were done. Hubby suggested a 3rd and, like you, got pregnant immediately. Since I found having 3 the easiest, we went for #4 and now have 5 ?
But we are now officially done.
I love that you were open to more. Congrats!
Eva, first of all congratulations! I was so thrilled for you when I saw the announcement b/c I was sure you two were done. What a blessing and how exciting! Also, I can SO relate to this!!! We have a 3 year old daughter and after she turned 1 we decided to go for a second.. we got pregnant almost immediately, but lost the baby at 6 weeks. Took 7 months to get pregnant again, but lost that baby at 6 weeks as well. At that point, I decided to go back on birth control b/c i was so emotionally wrecked from both losses and way too scared to try again. We had decided we were all but done, but then this past summer (in June as well!) we decided to put it in God’s hand until the end of the year (same as you) and just go with the flow. Not actively try, but not prevent. Well low and behold, I got pregnant 10 days after that conversation and I’m now happily almost 13 weeks along!! I think we must be super close in due dates, which is so exciting! Will be fun to watch your pregnancy alongside my own. You are so right in that it really wasn’t our decision all along and we were spending way too much time and energy stressing about something that was ultimately out of our control. Congrats again!!!! Love and hugs!
In had twins the first go around and my husband also did bare minimum to help, also he travels quite a bit for work. And we have no support system. So the whole experience was scaring for me since day one when they were born. He’d always wanted three kids and he was pretty persistent on it and I kept telling no, then at one point I told him I’d think about it and get back to him, again I told him no and it was pretty upsetting for him. The thought of having another child let alone the risk of having another set of twins terrified me. Eventually, the twins turned three and I felt life was starting to get a little more ‘manageable’ and I finally gave him a yes with the condition that we hire a part time nanny during the time I was pregnant. I was definitely relieved at the first ultrasound that there was only one baby in there and I felt more at peace with the decision.
So happy for you!! I love when you said we’re given the children we were meant to have exactly when we’re meant to have them. My husband and I had 2 kids not quite 3 years apart, and he said that’s all he wanted, I always secretly hoped he would change his mind or that I’d have a surprise pregnancy even though I was on birth control. As time went by and the kids were going into middle school I had finally gotten to a place where I accepted that we were done and my Husband said he would get a vasectomy. I was tired of taking the pill so I stopped and we went to condoms with the understanding he’d schedule his appt, well he kept procrastinating and using condoms was getting real old, it got to the point where we weren’t even using those half the time. Well after a couple years I said to my husband “how’s that appointment making going”? Yep right on it. Both our kids were now in high school and we had a pretty rough patch in our marriage but were working through it, one evening laying in bed he asks me if I could be pregnant?! I had been working a lot and hadn’t noticed my period was a little late, I asked why he would think that, and he says “ you have that line going down your stomach”….I hadn’t even noticed but he sure did, lo and behold 3 positive tests later we were both in shock for about a week, and didn’t even tell our kids until we could believe it ourselves. So with a 15 year old daughter and a just turned 18 year old son our “surprise” baby was born and she 1000% was so meant to be ours, I dont really know how we ever did life without her!
that is great, Eva. Your kids have such great lives and you are so fully in the little kid parenting mode right now I think it is a great blessing for you to have another very lucky very loved little child! your first two are so adorable- it will be fun to see if this little guy looks like a mini Major, a boy version of Marlowe, or another unique look! I am happy for you guys- thanks for sharing.
Ugh – this has been so heavy on my heart lately, the discussion of a third. My kiddos are exactly a year behind yours (Summer birthday girl who’s 4 and fall birthday boy who’s about to be 2) Life is challenging now but I see the future with the emerging independence of my daughter and I wonder if I’m fully ready to close the door on having any more kiddos. My husband is however COMPLETELY done. Any words of wisdom for someone who doesn’t feel done when their partner is? Do you think if Kyle had come to you last year when your kiddos were younger you would’ve felt the same way about changing your mind? Thank you for sharing this personal aspect of your family.
I also am in this stage of life. My daughter is three and currently an only child. She was born premature and feel as though I missed her early months out of how stressful and scary it was. I wish I could have a do over. Finding that balance of making sure both mom and dad are on board at the same time is tricky.
You are just like your mom in having three kids, a girl and two boys. Congrats
I also thought i only wanted two children, who were three years apart. As the years went by, I got the baby bug again. We had our third, four and a half years after the second one. My husband told me two weeks post partum that we should definitely have one more for her to pal around with…and 27 months later, we did. Now a Mom of four, I still can’t believe they are all mine! It’s wonderful and highly recommend it!
We are in that boat right now! We have one boy and one girl and go back and fourth about if we should try for a third.
Hello Eva,
you wrote that you always said you wanted 4 children. And now it‘s happening: 3 children are with you and 1 child is watching over your family from heaven! I think that the universe (as hard as your loss was) did everything exactly as it was intended and I think your comment about believing, “you are given the children you were always meant to have…exactly when you are meant to have them” fits so perfectly! I mean, maybe your “heaven“ baby watched over Major when he had his bad accident… ? I‘m not a religious person but I think that things happen for a reasen even the bad ones! So this pregnancy is the logical consequence for the universe ?
I wish you all the best! xxx
P.S. Those shirts are amazing!
We JUST got pregnant with our second. We have a 5 year old, and it feels totally insane to imagine another human, a new flow of life… but imagining that “future self” having just 1 kid made me too sad. Im soooo nervous, but so excited to see all the pregnancy content you put out! I’m only a couple weeks behind you!
I love this post!! Such similar stories. I always wanted a big family (I’m one of four kids, my husband is one of four and my dad is one of 12!) when we had our first two, girl then boy, I didn’t have any help, we moved etc. it was a lot. I wanted another, but I was nervous and needed time. We then went for it three years after our last and I had a miscarriage 8 wks in. After that, I was unsure…but like Kyle said, in ten years I knew I wanted a bigger family sitting around our table, too. We also created a time line and I also got pregnant the first month! So, it was meant to be. We have a girl and two boys. I will say, that little baby boy will be more loved than you can imagine and your love for your big kids will grow infinitely. It’s the best!! Enjoy this special time❤️
First of all congratulations! I so feel you on this! My husband and I had 2 boys and we both really wanted to try for a girl. Well, we did and we ended up having TWINS! One boy and a GIRL! I never knew how strong of a person as whole I really was until that moment. I’m 31 and they are now 13,9 & the twins are 5. (Carson, Preston, Ellis, Ella) I got my tubes tied a year after the twins came and I so wish we could have just one more. Because after 4, really what’s 1 more?! LOL CONGRATS again!
I am content with our two girls, but would also very happily add one more. My husband is confident that our family is complete though. I’m okay with that decision, but wouldn’t be sad if he pulls a Kyle!
My husband and I had agreed to “try, not try” for a third until my 35th birthday. If we weren’t pregnant by then he would get a vasectomy. Our kids were 3 and 1 at the time. I too get pregnant immediately. As soon as I stop breastfeeding I get pregnant, it’s the wildest thing. As soon as I found out I was terrified to tell my husband. I went thru every emotion imaginable. I told him the next morning when he was out shoveling snow and I balled my eyes out and apologized. Lol He was so excited! I had so many up and downs emotionally during the pregnancy but my son was so excited. He asked if he could have “another Addie”, another sister. They were 4 and 2 when I had their sister, Isabelle. She is the most perfect to our family, the missing puzzle piece we didn’t realize we were missing. She is turning 1 on September 29th. ❤️
Hello! So happy for your decision. We just had our baby #3. She is 1.5 months old right now and just the perfect little princess. We had said we were done at two, even though I didn’t really feel it in my heart. My husband and I both come from family of three and we knew that eventually we would have a third child but we did not plan for so soon after our second. She truly is our surprise blessing. It’s scary in some ways to think about the new adjustments we need to make for our third, but we are doing it all with lots of love so it makes it not so scary after all.
I have been waiting for this blog post! I was so surprised but excited for you when you made your pregnancy announcement and now that you have explained your decision making I can totally relate. We have two boys and I always felt I would be done after two kids. But my heart is longing for a little girl, but I am torn on trying because the thought of 3 crazy boys in our house makes me a little nervous haha! I know if we did have a third boy it would still be exciting and we would love him but I have always wished for a little girl. I am looking forward to hearing what your plans are for the nursery since we are also in our forever home and do not have a spare room if we did choose to have another – the boys would have to potentially share a room and I’m not sure how I feel about that? Looking forward to following along your journey and thanks for being so open!
I have three kids ages:9,7 and 4.5. We’ve be on the fence about number 4, but we just aren’t sure. We feel like we’d be starting over (since our youngest would be 5) and I worry about the big age gaps. Anyway, this post gives me a lot to ponder. Thanks for sharing and congrats to you on #3!
Yes! I have gone back and forth wanting a third. We are finally to a place where I’m back to work and our kids are in school full time but I keep wanting it. Although the idea of starting over is overwhelming! My husband is a for sure no and I think that is the part that has me going back and forth. I wish we would’ve done it a few years back when our second was 2-3. I don’t think you’d ever regret your decision, even on the hard, tired and overwhelming days!❤️
I love this post so much as do much of it deeply resonates with me and a lot of my hesitation about having another baby! My husband was so uninvolved with our first and it made me DEEPLY resentful, and even though I really want another baby, I don’t want another baby to be the downfall of our marriage (which makes me resentful bc why can’t he just get it together and participate?!). But we’ve been working on our marriage and our roles and hopefully we’ll get there soon. You give me the hope we will! I, too, do the exercise of picturing our family
In 10/20 whatever years and I know it’s not yet complete. Anyway, love this post!
This made me cry, really hard haha. It resonates with me so much. I have two boys, a ten year old from a previous relationship and a one year old. We decided months ago that was it and sold everything, no more babies. Now that he’s getting older we both sort of feel like maybe we aren’t done. My husband works A LOT, 13 hour days. So basically all the child rearing, house work, cooking is up to me through the week. I think we both actually do want another but I just don’t know how the hell Im supposed to do it all. In those great moments I want a third baby for sure but on those really hard days I think there’s no way I could handle it. It’s such an internal struggle. I go back and forth constantly. It’s nice to know even moms who seem to “have it all” still have the same struggles as every other mom.
Thanks for sharing, ❤️
I think I feel the same way that you did, Eva. We just had our second and we both feel mostly sure that we are done, but sometimes doubts creep in my head. I love the bond that pregnancy creates. This post makes me want to have a third!
As the youngest of three girls, I always wanted a third. But my husband comes from two and was ready to stop at that. Six years after our second son was born I convinced him to go for a third, and we (also quickly) got pregnant with our daughter, who is now one. In his words “thank you for pressuring me; it was the best decision we’ve ever made”. I especially love watching my boys (who are six and nine) with their little sister.
Sister you haven’t even mentioned the toughest part that would have totally factored into my decision making….choosing a name that would work as well was Marlowe and Major do together so romantically and deliciously!
Yes yes yes. This hits home. I got pregnant with my first a few months before my sister died. A baby we tried to have for 4 years finally happening at the same time cancer kills my sister. It sucked. I felt robbed of so much. Then we struggled to have a second but finally after 4 years we welcomed our son and it was such a healing experience. To not have to deal with overwhelming grief at the same time as pregnancy was such a blessing. Now I’m almost 37 and we just don’t know what having another so far past our first two (now 8 and 3) would be like emotionally and physically. So the door isn’t shut but not quiet open. So glad you shared this.
Man Eva, I love how honest and refreshing your blog is. I am so excited in this choice on baby number 3! He is meant to be! Congratulations!
My husband and I made the decision to be done at kid #2. He had a vasectomy months ago. He works day and night as a police officer, and I could not handle a third kid. I’m happy with our decision. I’m happy we are through the infant stage, as it was super tough with no help from him or any grandparents/family members. My daughters will be 5 and 2 next month and I couldn’t be happier with where we are.. My sister had a baby 5 weeks ago and I was nervous I would get baby fever, but I am super happy to say I did not get it! I am so happy for you and your family, can’t wait to see what you name him. Been a big fan of your blog for a long time! I follow you on IG, but I didn’t want to comment this loooong on there ? — @mrsalford ???
This TOTALLY resonates with me. We have two girls, almost 5 and 2, and life is tough! They are busy and wild and there are so many highs but also so many lows. But as my youngest keeps moving further and further away from being a baby and we are getting rid of all things baby, I can’t help but wonder if I want one more. And my reason is so similar to your husbands: we might regret it 10 years from now, even though most days we both feel like we can’t take on one more thing! Congratulations on #3 and enjoy every minute of it-it is truly fleeting!
Oh my goodness! Your story has hit so close to home for me. We are a family of 4 as well and my husband has always been so vocal about having another. But for a long time, I just couldn’t do it mentally. My daughter who will turn 5 in November has always been my needy one and I just couldn’t imagine having another one like her yet but this past year she has become a totally different person. She’s smart, independent and loves to help. And in these past few months, my heart has been more open to having another one, that I find myself dreaming of having another one. I’ve always heard the quote “The days are long but the years are short” and that couldn’t be more true. We have to enjoy the chaos and take what life gives you. So we are trying for another. Not intensely but we are letting whatever happens, happen. Congrats to you and your growing family! This news made me so happy for you! Thanks for letting us follow along and sharing your story!
I like you have 2 kids one is almost 10 the other is 5. I’ve been so hell bent on not having a third mainly because my second delivery was so traumatising. I was done 2 was enough for me. But lately I’ve been feeling maybe not maybe it wasn’t fare of me to just say no. What if we were ment to have more. My husband always wanted 5 I always wanted two and we always said 3 was a happy medium ha. I’m 31 and know we could still do it down the line but I’ve just felt like lately there’s something missing. We bought a puppy ha that didn’t fill the gap!! But your story has definitely left me with a few good points to think about!! Xxxx
I’m so excited for you xx
I see this from a slightly different angle… I am one of five kids. One brother is estranged from our family but the remaining four of us are – close, but not in the way that we check in every week and get together often. We are close in the way that when something bad happens- like when my mom was dying from cancer- we all rallied together and took care of her needs and made important decisions together. Sometimes it was two of us there and two FaceTiming- but I would have never been able to give mom the last few weeks the way she wanted without their support. Both of my grandkids are only children and I am trying to foster a close relationship with them in case they ultimately never have siblings. I know it’s hard to handle when they’re little but to me, it’s as much about your kids future as it is about your own needs/wants.
One of the biggest reasons I wanted another child (this is only our second), it to relive those early days (or months) I should say, that I did NOT enjoy with my daughter. I suffered from postpartum anxiety and want to know what it’s like to enjoy having a baby. The main for wanting another is to give my daughter a sibling though. Having a third is a hard pill for me to swallow though… I am not a fan of being pregnant and I’ve said many times two is all I am good for.
I just wanted to say how emotional this post made me. I am so thankful to have four healthy littles, but when you spoke to a more “traditional” gender role dynamic, that really resonated. I’m a homemaker, and for the most part default parent for any and all of the things. In younger years it could be trying, but was also easier in a sense with going through the physical motions. I am so beyond grateful to have been and still be the backbone and beyond to my kids, but a part of me is sad that their dad can’t share in that. So refreshing to hear that families are erasing those gender roles, and so happy for you and your hubby that your family is one of them. ?
First of all Congratulations! I am so happy that your kiddos are really excited about their new baby brother. My story is a bit similar to yours.
I always wanted two children;; one of each. I had my son first and three years later we had our daughter. I remember on the drive home from the hospital crying because I knew this was my last baby and I was sad. We had decided on two and we we’re blessed with a son and daughter. The plan was that my husband would get a vasectomy. He got the referral to have one and it sat in his top drawer. He kept putting it off because I think he was afraid of the pain. Every time I got my birth control refilled I would ask him when he was going to do it. After
4 years I got pregnant by accident. It was not in our plans but I believe it was in Gods hands and he blessed us with a beautiful daughter. I decided early on that I would get a tubal ligation since I was having a c-section. I knew for sure that she would complete our family and this time I didn’t cry on the way home.. My kids are older now; but they truly love each other. Most people don’t believe me when I say that they are truly all best friends . It warms my heart to see them on our couch watching football and my youngest daughter is in the middle with her head in my daughters lap and her feet on her brothers: all snuggled up. The age difference between my oldest and youngest is 10 yrs. I know your new son will be accepted and loved by both of your children. You and Kyle have raised two beautiful and loving children and I am sure this baby is feeling the love already. You will know I’m your heart when your family is complete. It is a feeling so different from not being sure if you are finished to this being the final one. Beat Wishes for a healthy pregnancy!!
Your news really struck me. I was so shocked, but excited for you. I’ve always been able to relate to you, (I have a 5 year old girl and 2 year old boy), and I was so thrown by your announcement. If I’m being honest, I think I was jealous. My husband and I always planned on having only 2, and now I wish we could have a 3rd. Unfortunately, it would be really financially difficult and we’re just too old (I don’t think my battered body could handle another pregnancy at my age). I thought I made peace with all of this, but I guess I was wrong…
That being said, I’m so incredibly excited and happy for you, and looking forward to watching you guys navigate this journey!
I also wanted to stop at 2! I was 23 years old with 2 that were 15 months apart and to say that I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. But 11 years later we decided why not just try for a third? Like you we weren’t seriously trying or tracking just having plain old fun? and it literally took one try, to my husbands disappointment ? so the 2 older are 11 and 13 years apart from my now 4 year old! She has brought more joy and laughter then we could have ever imagined! I say she’s my “if I had known then what I know now”,child. We don’t sweat the small things or really even big things because we truly know how fast they grow up!?
Wow, your experience really resonated with me! I always feel out of the loop because we have two older boys (11 and 8) and are expecting a 3rd. Like you and your husband, we both happened to be thinking about having a 3rd and decided we would try during the month of February and if nothing happened in February, he would get his tied. And then BAM. We are expecting our 3rd in November. I feel more comfortable hearing stories about women with large age gaps with their children as the 2 and 3 year age gaps seem much more common. For my husband and I, life was just so hectic after we had our 2nd (loss of my brother, my husband’s father, intense work hours, open heart surgery for my mom and…oh…a pandemic). 8 years later, we are preparing for another little human. My husband is excited…I’m getting there. 😊 Either way, children are blessings and I’m trusting everything will work together for our good!
Thats wonderful you guys decided for another baby,your stories and photos bring me so much joy,i am really happy for you,your posts are always honest and and fun to read Eva,thank you for always sharing with us
I love how open and honest you are! We had our “surprise” third baby in March so we currently have a 3.5 year old (will be 4 the end of November) a 19 month old, and a 6.5 month old (he was a SUPER surprise haha) – but I wouldn’t change a thing! So much of what you shared resonates with me (I also had a miscarriage after my first, I honestly think in some of my healing is how I found your blog/Instagram!), we are absolutely given the babies we have for a reason. Our lives are chaos, but it’s the best type of chaos. There are many days I am almost in tears, but having a supportive partner and kids who so obviously love not only you, but also each other makes all of the craziness worth it. Xo
Thank you for sharing this. I always find it so interesting to read about people’s journeys to feeling complete when it comes to have kids. When my husband and married we’d always agreed on 2 kids. When the time came to try for our first it was a lot harder than either of us ever anticipated. We went to a fertility doctor and he discovered my hormones were out of whack. I didn’t need fertility meds because after getting my hormones sorted out I got pregnant. During the beginning of my pregnancy everything went great and I thought I’d definitely go for #2 because it was a piece of cake. But I spoke too soon. I developed a LOT of issues during my 30-ish week and ultimately had to go on bedrest. The pain was excruciating and that’s when the thoughts of “I can’t go through this EVER again” first started invading my mind. When my daughter was finally born my first thoughts were to enjoy it and really soak it all in because this would be the first and also last time. For a while after she was born I started to change my mind but still wasn’t sure. Eventually the decisions was made for me. Post pregnancy I developed so many more health issues that I slowly started to realize a second baby wouldn’t happen for us. My hubby at first would try to get me back on track for baby #2 but he slowly began to realize I was really sick and just couldn’t do it again. Especially after we were told a second baby might send my body further into chaos in terms of my immune system and could even leave me disabled in a wheelchair. The risk was just too high. We decided that it would be better for me to be mom of one than a disabled mom of two. I would need so much assistance and those are resources we definitely don’t have. I’ve always said if I had access to infinite help I would’ve probably tried for #2 even if I wasn’t entirely sure at that time. But the thought of not having help especially if the worst happened just made it easy to make the decision: one and done. The truth is, despite fact I thought I wanted two kids, I never actually ever pictured my future with two kids. After I had my daughter I’ve always felt complete so for that I’m grateful. It would’ve been so hard to not feel that sense of being complete and wanting another baby but not being able to have it. We do feel our daughter is our little miracle because we came close to losing her in the first trimester. But she’s a survivor and I know she was meant to be ours. And she’s always been enough for me. However, I’ll always feel bad for my hubby because I know he didn’t feel complete with one. I know he wanted another child. It just didn’t work out that way. But him getting a vasectomy last year officially closed this chapter for us.
I have a bonus son that I got when he was two, followed by our amazing two girls. My husband was sure our family was complete, but I knew someone was missing. It took some convincing, but when our youngest daughter was three her little brother was born! At that point I felt complete with four. However, I truly believe God knows what you need and just shy of two years later I found myself pregnant again! My youngest son is four now, and I can’t imagine our lives without all five (although my husband did have a vasectomy two weeks before our son was born! Ha!). Congratulations on your new son on the way. My two little boys are best friends ❤️
I’m currently scaling the fence.
My fiancé and I get married next weekend, after 5 years together. We have a perfect 3 year old daughter. But, OMG-that first year and a half was SO HARD. I swore-we swore we would only have one. That has been our unified message since I was in labor LOL.
A few weeks ago, we had a house full of kids 2,3,4, and 6, and it get like such an impossible task, we actually discussed a vasectomy! A week later, I found out my IUD was half out (for God knows how long!)…so the choice of do I want to replace it…
I decided not to for several reasons, one being wanting another baby.
I’m not sure my fiancé and I are on the same page about it, and I’m heartbroken. I haven’t come out and said “I want another” yet. I think I’m a little scared of the answer I’ll get.
I too, suffered from PPD and PPA. I did not enjoy the most precious time of my daughter’s infancy, and realize I desperately want to know what it’s like to be a pregnant, empowered mother! If I knew then what I know now…
All that being said, I am over the moon for you, and yours. Your take on parenting, and your fierce drive, and bravery are so inspiring. I look forward to following your journey into the unexpected!
XO
Megan
I was a focused businesswoman, making great strides in my career, when my husband came into my life and really opened up a part of my heart I hadn’t explored before. I agreed that we would have kids but I had no urgency around it. Two years into our marriage I felt a tug to start trying, and we both decided that we would try for 3-4 kids. (Surprised me to agree to 4!) My first two pregnancies & postpartum experiences were so rough…
First son (2.5 years old) had to have an emergency induction that resulted in a 48-hr traumatic delivery. He had/has severe allergies that took month of intense medical care. I had PTSD from his illnesses. Second son (8 months now) I went into labor at 23weeks and miraculously kept him inside until term bc of hospital stays, bed rest, and lots of meds. He’s healthy but it makes me think that maybe “completing our family” will come through adoption instead of another pregnancy for me. My body just doesn’t love being pregnant so I think I want to explore adding to our family in a new way. But I’m in no rush right now… part of me wants my husband to get a vasectomy but then it’s stories like yours that make me think we should wait a bit.
We have one, he will be five in December. Right after he was born I chose to have a five year IUD put in cause I was SURE I would not want another.
This summer my partner and I discussed the option of a second just to explore the idea. And we are still 90% in camp only child but there remains 5-10% of us on the fence on a completely calm and chill Saturday when work doesn’t have either of us half way across the country or world and our kid hasn’t done something insane to the house or himself.
I too have to wonder, at almost five years in and completely out of all the newborn and baby stage if I could start all over. I think that is what scares me the most.
Probably staying team only child just out of that fear alone lol. Enjoy the pregnancy and new baby xx
I was so interested to read your blog today on this topic. I have two children, a boy- 8 years old, and a girl- 4 years old. I have ALWAYS wanted to have another but suffered from PPD and PPA with both kids. I worked through all of that and still experience anxiety from time to time. I know I’m my heart that I am so blessed to have these beautiful children however, I still don’t feel complete. My husband is too worried about me getting pregnant again and going through what I did and I do understand but, I’m having a hard time knowing “ I’m done” ! I too want a redo so I can enjoy more this time around but there are no guarantees. So, I’m pretty sure we have moved on.. but yes, that table with 5 people in 10 years seems perfect to me !! I hope you have a healthy, wonderful pregnancy and enjoy your growing family !
So excited for your family Major will be the middle child which is the BEST ❤❤
We left a window for our 4th and got pregnant in the last month of trying. He is our little gift and grand finale. I will say, my transition from 1 to 2 (two years apart) was the hardest for me. No one could help themselves or me. My girls went off to school this fall, and I asked who was going to raise their younger brothers.
Thank you for this post! I couldn’t have related more. My husband and I went surprised with our first, who is now 5, and tried for almost a year with our daughter, who turns 2 this weekend. We both have said over and over again that we have one of each and are DONE! But! Up until I was 34 weeks with our daughter, we were told we were having another boy. SURPRISE! Lately I have been gravitating towards wanting that 3rd baby SO BADLY. Maybe it’s because my youngest is turning 2, but I just feel like our family isn’t complete. My husband is just like you! I’ve spoke my truth about wanting a 3rd, but he is definitely still on the fence.
I am so ecstatic for you and the family.
Your choice of wording of “you are given the children you were always meant to have exactly when you are meant to have them” resonated with me.
Our oldest was born almost a year to our first wedding anniversary, and our youngest was born about 6 months shy of our tenth wedding anniversary. It’s also a far cry from my having all my kids by 35.
My husband and I had always thought we’d have 3 children by now, and I believe secretly he still does. I occasionally have moments of should I before 40? I even had a dream about it, I forget if I had a boy or girl. Not sure what it means, but I guess we’ll have to see what the new year brings.
And don’t feel bad about giving away the maternity stuff. After 8 years, I was amazed how advance the world of maternity and. Baby became.
Your story resonates with me so much. I never in a million years thought I would want a third kid, but when my second was about 2 months old, I started to feel this burning desire to have a third (which was very strange considering he was NOT an easy baby). I had really bad PPOCD with my first, and my experience with my second was blissful by comparison but I still did not really savor the “last kid” milestones like I should have. I had a small family growing up and the thought of a big crazy family is so appealing to me. I really feel like it’s my life’s calling to be a mom and share my love with as many kiddos as I can. Unfortunately my husband is not at all on board right now, but I have successfully convinced him to push off a vasectomy for a few more months so he can really think about my case. I am not super hopeful we will come to agreement on it, but I am still a dreamer 🙂 I like what you said about the fact you are given the exact children you need at the exact times…it gives me comfort to hear that perspective. Anyway congrats to you on your beautiful growing family!!!
I have two brothers who are 7 and 9 years older than me, everyone jokes that I was an oops baby (which I deffo was!) but it’s ok because my mom tells anyone who will listen that I was the baby she wanted the most. I would imagine she felt similarly to you, assumed 2 and done, but just knew one more was needed!! Because of that, I think 3 is the perfect number of kids in a family.
So happy for you and your growing family. Kids are a blessing! We also went for our third, since we wanted to try for a boy (our first two were girls) and lucky enough our third child was a boy. Our family was complete….What I didn’t expect was to get pregnant before our son was a year old and to top it all off I was pregnant with twins! Twins does not run in either of our families. My twins are girls so now we have four girls and one boy :o). I love our crazy big family. But I suggest your husband have the vasectomy now, since you became pregnant pretty quickly with your 3rd, unless you want a 4th child. All the best to you and your growing family.
Hi!
I am a mother of two wonderful children and I would have liked to have a third. Me and my husband, we decided to stay with two children! Congratulations again;)xx
“There is one thing that my journey to motherhood has taught me for sure, though, which is that you are given the children you were always meant to have…exactly when you are meant to have them. ” I’m not going to lie. This just knocked me on my butt. I’m pregnant with my first, a girl, almost a year after losing my sister to brain cancer. I have wanted a child for years and honestly, didn’t think it was in the cards for me. I’m turning 40 in a couple of weeks and could not be more excited. I really do believe that my sister had a hand in all of this and this is exactly what was supposed to happen.
We had our third baby last year.. I was on the fence for years. The way Kyle takes about 10 years from now is also exactly why we decided to try. Our other two are much closer in age but waiting to have this third baby has been so extra special. There is something so special about third babies and my parenting just feels so right. You’ll love it!
After the birth of my second child (a girl) I knew I didn’t want a third. Our first child was a boy, so we had one of each and we’re content with that. I had miscarried 3 times, between the 2 births and the thought of going through that heartache was unbearable. Additionally my pregnancy with my daughter was difficult. I had severe morning (and afternoon/evening) sickness for 6 months. She was also a large baby and was a week late and weighed 10 pounds, and no I did not have gestational diabetes. Her delivery was fast but very painful and there were some minor complications which meant that the NICU team was there for the delivery. It was very stressful and emotional having multiple teams in the birthing room all looking at your lady parts ?. But what really sealed our decision was right after the birth, when my husband turned to me with tears in his eyes and a heavy heart and said that he couldn’t bear to see me go through another pregnancy like that again. 6 months later he had a vasectomy and we never looked back. My daughter is now 16 and my son just started his freshman year at college. They are by far my greatest accomplishment!
First of all Congratulations!
Second of all, I really wish you would be more sensitive to others on the same path.
You talk about it being so easy and deciding when and if you should have a 3rd one.
There are people trying for years and years for it to happen even one time and posts like this makes me really feel unheard.
I understand it is YOUR life and YOUR journey, but I wish at the end of it all, maybe as a PS, you let everyone know that you understand how lucky and blessed you are and give others a reason to be hopeful.
I know sometimes we ask too much of you ”public figures” but I would love for you to use your platform for these issues too.
I had always wanted to have 4 children, but my husband and I stopped at 3 for reasons, that at the time sounded legitimate. Now our children are grown, married, and we are grandparents. I love my family and my grandbabies are beyond wonderful but at times I wish we had a fourth. You will never regretting having the children you have, it is the ones you don’t have you regret!
Love, love, love this post! So funny…I had always said that I wanted four kiddos too. After going through A LOT with my second pregnancy and the loss of identical twins at 29 weeks…we found ourselves rethinking it. However, two more pregnancies later we had three healthy kiddos and I was DONE, DONE, DONE. It was actually my husband, too, who started pushing for a 4th. I am SO thankful that we had that conversation. Our 4th is now 9 and I don’t know what life without her would be like!
We are actually faced with the opposite decision. Do we continue trying for our first?
We have been married for almost 6 years and for the last 5 years we have been struggling with infertility issues. I have had three miscarriages, several surgeries have done several rounds of IUI and have done IVF.
We are now faced with what do we do next? I just turned 40 and the constant limbo of this season has been exhausting on so many levels. Emotionally, Physically and mentally. We have to decide do we adopt, continue with fertility treatments or close the door and be happy just the two of us? BIG life decisions and it’s scary.
On a different note, I’m so excited for you and your family! It’s fun to follow along and thanks for sharing all you do! All the best to you, Eva!
Why did I read this? I was on the fence about a 3rd but reading this makes me want a 3rd.
My daughter is 4, and I always thought I would have 2, but the birth of my daughter was quite traumatic. (a month early, along complications for me) I completely understand that feeling of wanting to do it again because even though she is my only I know the first months of her life I was experiencing some ptsd, stressed more than one normally would with a new born. I want her to have a sibling, but every time I have been late, I go into panic mode, so I am not sure I am mentally there.
I have been waiting for this post since you first announced this pregnancy! And oh man do I identify with so much! My husband and I are both the oldest of four children and before we were married that’s how many kids we talked about having ourselves. Then came my first pregnancy and birth experience, which were pretty traumatic. I wouldn’t even let my husband TALK about more kids for the first six months of my son’s life. It took a lot of therapy for me to get on board with trying for a second. And before we did I told my husband “I will do this one more time and we’ll see how it goes. If it’s as bad as the first, I’m done.” I’m due with our second son in November. This pregnancy has been more bearable than the first (though I haven’t gone through the birth yet and I’m terrified…) and I’ve actually started to feel like I could it a third time. Not that I think it will be easy or enjoyable, but I think I could do it. For the exact reason you mentioned – when we look at our family in 10 or 20 years, we see more than two children sitting around our dinner table. My husband also travels a lot for work so I understand all your concerns there. We also struggled at the beginning with the balance of child-rearing and household duties. We also don’t have a ton of room for a third in our current house (baby 2 is sharing a room with our guest bed 🙂 but, we’ll figure out the logistics. And you will too. I’m so happy for you and I’m so grateful you shared this post! Thanks momma!
as Im approaching the first birthday of my second and last baby… I too am starting to have some second thoughts. the idea of no more babies is so sad to me! the thought of doing it again seems impossible and terrible. buttttttt….. hahah.
Last night my 2 year old asked me if there was another baby in my belly. I told him no, there would be no more babies and he asked me “does that make you sad?” Out of the mouths of babes.
We had twin girls right out of the gate! Initially, I wanted a third baby, but my husband and I were literally TERRIFIED of having two sets of twins. Eventually, we realized that our family of four was the perfect fit for us. Love reading about your journey!
I found your blog when I started researching miscarriages and an article popped up discussing yours and I’ve been following ever since. That was a few years after my first son was born; unexpected, breeze pregnancy, perfect little boy; naive momma. After my first miscarriage we tried again and lost another soul. The first on mother’s day, the second a day before Christmas Eve all in the same year. I wanted another so badly but didn’t think I could go through the heartache again. My husband said let’s try one more time and then we’ll give up and miraculous my fourth pregnancy stuck and my second son was born 4 years and 9 days after my first. Now I have a 51/2 year old and a 20 month old and I would love to have a third but I’m 39. Feeling too old and I don’t think I can handle another loss and at my age and my 50/50 track record, the odds aren’t good. Also financially it will be too much, we also won’t have room for a third, and I have a hard time giving my two equal attention since both my husband and I work full time; but a family a five feels…man I can feel it sometimes. Is this just me always wanting more or against all the odds, is this right for our family?
I am an only child and I hated it. I have never wanted just one. But after years of trying with my ex, we accidentally got pregnant on the day I moved out. We still split up but we co-parent great. However I’m still single nearly 7 years later. I haven’t even been on a date since. And I just turned 40 so I’m sad to say I think my ship has sailed. My son is also a bit lonely. We don’t have a neighborhood full of kids and he wishes he had more friends. I wish I could give him that love and security of having someone else to make it through life with. It is a pain in my heart that runs very deep.
Could you use a sperm donor and have a baby, a sibling for your son, that way? I know a few women who have done it, one who was 43 when she delivered… I’m sure you’ve already considered it but if the ache is there and there is room in your heart and life for a baby I say go for it!
Best decision ever! So happy for your beautiful family. I have three children and a grandmother of twins! The more the merrier. Good luck on this new journey!!!
This was a great article. I am so happy that you Eva and Kyle have decided on another baby. This is really beautiful news!
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This is interesting to hear your perspective! I’m 10 weeks post partum and struggling big time with PPA. I LOVED being pregnant, but the newborn phase is tough. I want to give my little guy a sibling at some point, but we’re waiting until we have survived the first year to decide on when. Due to the cost of having a kid or multiple in our area and our careers, we will stop at 2 even though we both come from families of 5.
I currently have a 5 year old and 3 year old. I always thought I would have 4 children but after having the second I was so completely worn out. Now that he’s old I’m strongly considering going for #3. I feel sort of rushed being 34 and I don’t want the gap between my kids to be too big. Reading this helped ease some of my anxiety about the possibility of adding another to the mix!
Hi!
I also had a husband who was pushing for starting number two! We had our daughter who was just about to turn two years old and I was finally feeling like I had a good handle on this whole adulthood/motherhood thing. Things at work we’re going well and our almost two year old was in a groove that seemed “easy”. She was independent, sleeping through the night, taking the best naps, and it all was such a breeze!
On Easter this year, my parents offered us the trip of a lifetime… a FREE trip to Hawaii with them this Christmas and NY! I immediately wanted to say YES! But my husband looked at me and said, “What about another baby?” Ummm excuse me?? They said HA-WAI-I for freeeee. And our toddler could go and have fun. You can’t bring an newborn to Hawaii from Chicago. I mean maybe if we had a private plane and 3 nannies with us….
On a deeper level, I wasn’t ready to give up sooo much to be pregnant and nursing again. I liked our life the way it was at that moment. It was “easy!” Not to mention that financially we were finally ahead, first time in a LONG time. Were we really ready to risk everything? Couldn’t we give it one more year? I thought, “We could have a baby at any time. Why doesn’t he see my side of this?” So after long discussions we agreed to think over both sides for a while and try to make the best decision for our family. Secretly I was hoping he would fold, but he didn’t. That’s when it hit me. He wants this. My husband is holding his ground because he truly wants the joy of adding to our family. He wants it more than superficial things and he believes in us enough to know that we can do it. He knows we are up for the challenge. So I folded. We had some cheap wine and boom. Baby. Now we are 38weeks and patiently awaiting our littlest girl. I feel lucky that my daughter will have a sister (something I never had) and I know that through it all it was the right decision. Sometimes things in life just “click”.
Also, huge credit goes to men who really know what they want. I feel so many times men in relationships back down too easily, especially when it comes to family dynamics. As a woman who surrounds herself with a lot of women I forget that maybe men also want a baby. They want that tiny little moment in the hospital when they meet their little one for the first time too. So cudos to that. I’m excited to continue along your journey! Best of luck, always.
This hit home for sure! I found out I was pregnant when we were doing all our testing for IVF, after a year and a half of trying. I feel like I have the dream baby. But sometimes everything can get overwhelming. My husband helps but I feel it’s also the bare minimum and I feel myself get really mad that he doesn’t understand that I want more. He keeps bring up having another one since our baby is so wonderful and I keep saying no. I don’t want to deprive myself of having another one but I can only agree once I know he will help more. I am a full time working mom and he is active duty military who has just been ordered to go on a short tour for a year. So I’ll be a single mom for an entire year, and I already said there is no way I’m having a child while he is away. But I happy to read about where Kyle is now because it gives me hope that my husband will understand it!
I’m going through this process right now. I have 2 step sons 13 and 6.5 and together we have our fearless, energetic 17 month old. We both decided our family was complete with the birth of our baby. I’ll admit the thought of only experiencing pregnancy once and being with a child from day 1 only once made me sad. I love all 3 of my boys and wouldn’t change that for the world but having a daughter or even experiencing carrying another son would be amazing. A couple of weeks ago my husband came to me and asked to try for a girl. This shocked me down to the core because neither one of us wanted more than 2 kids to begin with! And now we are talking about doubling this!? I still haven’t made up my mind and know the love and joy a baby brings but 4 children is a really overwhelming concept for me. I’m also older, I’ll be 36 in a few months and pregnancy later in life really causes concern for me with all the added possible complications. I type this though as I watch my son playing with blocks and a PJ mask induced smile and can’t help but think he is worth every trouble, every sleepless night, and the next would undoubtedly be too!
I am so stuck on deciding this right now, thinking about it is keeping me up at night. We had two girls 13 months apart. I suddenly had two babies and that year was a blur; though now at 4 and almost 3, they are little buddies that play together all the time.
I got rid of baby stuff as I was SURE I did not want more but my husband did not get the snip as he wondered if we would want to try again in the future (he is from a big family and always wanted three). I can look past the baby struggles of no sleep/diapers/time away from work/etc. as that is temporary in the grand scheme. I am worried about being out-numbered (imagine 3 sick kids?!), when all three are in school with activities (will we have a life again??) if we can give attention to them equally, (will I miss out on milestones of the girls, being busy with a baby?) and if the age gap will make life difficult. But I worry about regretting not trying for a third, and since the girls were not planned, it is kind of exciting to actually think about it.
I feel that exact same. All legitimate concerns! My boys are 7 and 5. My biggest concern is failing to provide the attention they’re use to and missing out on new experiences and 1st. So stressful.
How will all this work now that you two are divorced?
Having a third has been up in the air for me from the moment my second was born. I’m now in the two week wait of the one shot we are giving to the idea and I’m such an emotional mess! Loved reading your story, thanks for sharing.
My husband and I have two boys. The oldest will be 6 in October and the youngest will be 2 in November. I have always said I only ever wanted 2 children. I had all intentions to have my tubes tied after our second son but I changed my mind because I just had that feeling inside that our family wasn’t complete yet. My husband is not on board with a third much at all but I’m hoping he will change his mind and we will be able to try for one more soon.
This is exactly the uplifting article I was waiting for. Part of the sign that I needed, just like you did. You’re the first article I opened up and the entire story resonated with me. My husband is the same way; he was brought up knowing that the father is the breadwinner and the mother the homemaker. On our first child, he contributed very little at home. We agreed to have a second for the sake of having a sibling to grow up with for our first. I have 3 siblings and my husband has 2. My parents came from big families and I also thought of having at least 4 kids before. But then with his minimal help with the two kids and extensive hours at work, I was overwhelmed, had PPD and felt I needed anger management. My husband seeked to help the family financially over anything. His overtime was voluntary and sometimes excessive. He realized in the last few months how much he has missed with our kids and realized how much fathering he actually lacked, so he wanted to do better. And when I realized I missed so many moments where I could’ve been good with my kids instead of how I was, I also wanted a do-over.
Beautiful story. I was so touched. Just what I needed. I hope to be a family of 5 someday too, before my time clock runs out. If it’s meant to be. It’ll be, right? We won’t be trying too hard either. Thank you!
This is 100% how I feel. I felt as if I was writing this myself. Thank you for your perspective. We are in the midst of the decision on whether or not we should expand our family. My mama heart (and mom brain lol) is so nervous but it is constantly on my mind and I feel that’s the good Lord telling me to just go ahead with it.
Such a great post! Thank you for sharing.
I have been in the fence lately to open the dirt for having a third.
Here’s the thing, it’s my husband who has been consistent with asking about having more children.
We lead a busy life, like many. I am 37, we have two boys ages 9 & 6. We both work full time, both kids are in hockey (5 days a week)my husband is a first responder and works 24 hour shifts, This alone freaks me out. It would be different having a new born compared to when we had our other two with his new career.
I feel Iike it took me so long to get back to working a full time role and I just got promoted. I am however lucky to work from home.
Your story made me tear up, it runs similar to my situation. I feel like my hubby had an early mid life Crisis when we got pregnant with our first, it felt like he was never home. He took on this new interest for fitness and spent hours at the gym training to compete while already working a long day with over 2 hours just in travelling . I felt solo, it was hard. Even till now I feel resentful, he get to go out more often than me. It’s like I’m on stand by for Everyone and I am drained.
I’ve thought about talking to him about
How I feel, but it’s hard.
He is my best friend and an incredible father but I do feel like there’s no time for me, no hobbies, barely any time to see my best friend, we are revolving our time around sports/tournaments.
It’s all just really overwhelming.
But just like you say, 10 years from now when the kids don’t want to be around us as much, what will that feel like?
I’ve wanted to have this chat with my boys also to see how
They would feel about a brother or sister.
I know my eldest is incredible with our friends little girl (2.5), and even our little niece (6), my eldest is so sweet to them.
My husband wanted a girl but there is no way to pick haha.
I felt so certain I didn’t want more. But when I see our friends who are close to our age and pregnant and their other children compared to ours, our boys are the oldest. It makes me sad. In between our boys I had a miscarriage, it was the worst time for me. Shortly after we got pregnant with
Our youngest.
There’s a lot to think about. I think my first step is to open up to my husband and see where it goes from there.
Being able to write this out and share my thoughts is appreciated.
Thank you again for your story. I know I am coming across this a few years later, but I hope your family of 5 is happy & healthy
Take care