Dear Eva,

I’m a 35-year-old semi-recent single lady, currently living on my own for the first time. I have a good job that I adore which gives me a sense of satisfaction and belonging. Other than that I spend very little time interacting with other people and sometimes wonder what my purpose is. I am an introverted, socially awkward person, who in my spare time tends to lean towards solo activities.

I used to solely rely on my very social, former partner to push me out of my comfort zone and into different social situations, but can no longer lean into that. I’ve had the same handful of friends since I was ten, but with time we all went off in different directions and live in different cities. We keep in touch and get together a few times a year but I’ve never really found my “tribe” like I hear so many talk about. Is it too much to want to sit at a coffee shop and talk with my pals all day?!

Although I don’t feel lost like I did in my twenties, I still yearn for direction and deep-soul connection. You seem to have such a great and fulfilling social life and group of friends that lift you up and support you. What could I do to challenge myself and put myself out there to find purpose and connection? To find fulfillment in the day-to-day again?

Sincerely,

Meeting Me Again

Dearest Meeting Me Again,

Thank you so much for reaching out to me, and I have to tell you…I can sense what a Self Growth journey you’re currently on and I am HERE FOR IT! If you can’t hear me over here applauding for you, I certainly am, and I wish you could! Your transformation energy is being felt very strongly! I’m so inspired by your curiosity to change and mold your life to fit your dreams. Not just your dreams for concrete possessions or milestones, but your dreams for what type of life you want to feel all around you. I think when you seek to transform your community itself is when really deep change and growth happens!

First of all, I’m so happy for you that you love your job and gain a lot of satisfaction and fulfillment from that. I think it’s so important as we get older to make sure a lot of our sources of self-confidence are things that are within our own control. For me, my proficiency at my job, my role as a Mom, and my intellect are things that I know nobody can take away from me– and that makes me feel SO strong daily. I get the sense that you are that way as well, and that is fantastic!

As we chat more about your desire to build more of a friendship community around you, I’ll share with you that my love for my career is actually what brought me my current closest friendships! About a year into moving to Connecticut, I joined a little “Supper Club” of Entrepreneurial women who would meet up once a month to socialize over dinner. Everyone in the group also happened to be a Mom. It was absolutely game-changing for me to create this community of women who had these two big (and sometimes conflicting) roles in common: CEO + Mom. I felt deeply understood in a way that I didn’t always feel in other relationships. Of course, this isn’t the only determining factor of the community you create for yourself, but it does help to figure out what some core values are that speak to your heart and to figure out a common thread between those things. Then, search for a community along those lines.

So, where to start? Whenever I’ve started a new chapter in life (moving towns, starting a new career, new motherhood, divorce) I always subscribe to a rule: say YES to everything! If your natural instinct is to stick to your regular routine, try to branch out for a bit. If you get invited by a casual acquaintance to a barbecue, event, or get-together…give it a try! You might just cross paths with somebody who could end up being an incredible member of your community…or you could see new sides to somebody you had more of a surface relationship with. You could also sign up for classes that you’ve always been interested in– and see who you meet there!

Focus on the self-reflection and self-growth part of all of this, though. By cultivating the person you want to become, you’re going to attract the right type of people for you into your orbit. Good energy attracts good energy! Lastly, be the type of friend you want to have! If you have some bonds you really value, make sure you’re being the friend to them that you want to manifest for yourself. One of the hallmarks in my relationships with my closest girlfriends is that we support each other’s endeavors unconditionally and truly celebrate each other’s wins. Being friends with my close group of girlfriends has made me into a better person than I was before, and that’s what I now know to look for most in my adult friendships! Friendships new or old all take a lot of effort on everyone’s part to keep up. Being intentional about that energy to make sure you’re really watering the garden you desire is so important in your new phase of life!

I wish you all the best, and I’m so excited for this next chapter in front of you!

xoxo

EA

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