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There is nothing simple about moving forward in your life after divorce, or opening your heart back up after being committed to somebody for a long time. Nobody goes in to a marriage thinking that is where they’ll end up nearly a decade later. There is a lot of vulnerability in opening oneself up again after divorce, but also a lot of excitement and possibility. And being ready for that is ultra personal, and depends on your journey both within yourself and of the end of your relationship. The last time I “dated”, I was twenty four years old, and boy oh boy am I a different person now than I was then. LOL. Today, I’m excited to share a little love life update with you all!
First off, I’ll say that I know how awkward it can be to see somebody who you once knew as half of a couple you loved, moving on with a different person. This might be true in my public life, and even in my private life with my family and friends. I get it! It’s awkward for the people involved, too, and I’m not afraid to say that. There’s that complex moment when you witness your ex-spouse moving on, and there is also that moment when you move on yourself. That rush of adrenaline and pit in your stomach when you touch or kiss a new person that feels at first like you’re doing something wrong. As ready and open as I felt to explore a new relationship, I’ll admit that it felt weird at first to go there. And it came with a lot of feelings about myself as well. I’m a totally different person than I was in my early twenties! I’m a tired Mom with three young kids, my body has definitely changed, and my ability to even carve out time to get to know somebody has changed too. I was REALLY self-conscious when I first was opening up romantically, and it took being with the right person who understood that and was patient with me to allow me to really move forward.
The wonderful thing about dating post-divorce is that you have a really good sense of what you are looking for. Or at least I did. When I got married in 2011, I really and truly felt done with my Dating-For-Fun days. And I still felt that way after my divorce. I didn’t feel like wasting time with somebody that I didn’t feel a really strong connection with. And after doing A LOT of work on myself in therapy the past four years, I feel with certainty that I can identify what I’m looking for better than ever. Going through a divorce was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I do feel that I came out of it with a really clear vision for my future, and a clear vision for my relationships in general– including with family, friends, and even in my coparenting relationship!
And most importantly, my kids were, and continue to be, at the forefront of my mind when it comes to a new relationship. I wanted to be sure that anyone I brought in to my life in a serious way was not only accepting of my life as it was (kids, ex husband, and all!), but celebratory of it. I will never apologize for the life I have lived until this point. I’m so proud of my journey, regardless of its hurdles, bumps in the road, and hard patches. Because it brought me my strong sense of self today, AND it brought me my kids! I think it’s important as a parent who is “dating” to find somebody who truly understands that your kids will always be the priority. It takes a certain kind of open, loving, and ego-less person to sign up for dating somebody who is divorced with small children. They are truly signing up for a complex emotional journey. I hoped, when I thought about finding love after my marriage, that I would find the type of person who would be man enough to really embrace all of me, and all of my life, with patience, love, and a good sense of humor for the complexity. But that person seemed like a unicorn. Welp. I found my unicorn! Ha!
I’m beyond happy to share with you that I have a wonderful boyfriend in my life! His name is Ian, he’s super loving, creative, handsome and funny, and we have a ton in common. He’s also 6’4’’ and makes me feel like a small little person which at 5’10” myself is NOT easy to do. LOL. Before you ask for ALL the deets (and photos), I’ll also share that he is NOT a public figure, and is actually a pretty private person. Because of this, we are still figuring out how we want to share parts of our relationship in a way that makes us both comfortable. Will you see his face eventually, YES of course. LOL. But I am also fully aware that being with somebody who has a lot of her life on public display is a lot to get used to, and takes time. I completely respect that. But I know you guys want some of the Tea, so I will spill a little! hahaha.
Ian is a Chef (HOTTT), and we met when I went to eat dinner at his restaurant with a friend. My friend went to high school with him in New York City (Yes, he is a fellow New Yorker!), and he came out of the kitchen to say hi to her. We ended up chatting and had an immediate connection and spark. I thought he was cute and easy to talk to, but I knew nothing about his life or relationship status, and neither did my friend. So I followed him on Instagram, and he followed me back. We started chatting, and for a month just really got to know each other well from exchanging messages and laughing together via text. He didn’t have a girlfriend (obviously) and was really open to learning more about my situation.
He wasn’t intimidated by my circumstances at all. We discovered how much we had in common (both foodies, love going to museums, both Bookworms, both speak French, he played Hockey competitively in High School and I grew up in a HUGE hockey household, etc etc) and little by little we created a really special friendship. All before even going on a date! By the time he took me to dinner for the first time, I felt SO close to him, and so safe with him, and it was an old-fashioned courtship in a lot of ways. I’ll be honest, whenever I had dated in the past, things had gotten physical pretty quickly (if not immediately) and so this style was completely new for me. And PERFECT. I highly recommend it. We went at my pace, and I truly believe that to this day, we have an extremely deep connection because of it. It’s also really special, and so unusual, that we are the same age and both grew up in New York City, but never crossed paths! NYC, though bustling, really is a small town at heart. I think it’s so funny that we both grew up walking the same streets for decades, and then finally met in Westport, CT. Kind of amazing.
All this to say, I’m very happy and so grateful. I feel very loved. I’m so moved by the relationships he has developed with my kids. I’m also so grateful that Ian is so supportive of my coparenting relationship with Kyle. It means the world to me that he knows and understands how much Kyle means to me and to the kids, and some of my happiest days have been when we have spent time all together. I LOVE IT. To anybody embarking on dating after divorce, or thinking about whether you’re ready: there is happiness out there!
It’s so important to stick to your guns about what you want and are looking for. Don’t settle! Don’t ever apologize for your journey, and don’t be scared to make yourself vulnerable and open up again. There are amazing people out there who will make the fear feel more like excitement. Sometimes the most rewarding leaps in life are the leaps of faith.
I look forward to sharing more with you, at our pace, in the near future!
ps- Photos in this post by Ian! 😉
Congratulations Eva! I’m a firm believer that everyone deserves to be happy, and I wish you all the best with your unicorn xx
Yayay! So happy for you! (And stoked for more foodie content haha)
Happiness, Joy, Peace and LOVE look good on you! I’m so very happy for the 6 of you!
YAY! YAY! YAY!! So happy for you ALL! Congrats, girl!
I smiled so big reading this post, I can feel how happy you are.
So happy for you, I was a single mother for 13 years, even though i dated it took me a while to bring someone into our lives, what you say is soo true, you need someone open and strong enough to take you in with all of you, and your kids and co-parenting, its such a game changer when you find someone so willing and loving, i wish luck all the happiness, i found my happiness! ❤️❤️
So very happy for you Eva!
This is so heartwarming, Eva!
happy for you xx
Yay!! So happy for you!! Also love this quote, “I will never apologize for the life I have lived until this point.”
Thank you for sharing!
OMG!!! Amazing!!! Seriously, this is the positive update I think we ALL needed today 🙂
So happy for you! Yay?
So excited for you!!
Amazing post!!! you deserve all the happiness the world has to offer!!! Wishing all the best!!
Ohhhh I’m bawling reading this! So very happy for you! I’ve been through it and it’s hard but I found my unicorn too! Congratulations on this new adventure. Wishing you all lots of love and happiness! ❤️
Such wonderful news, Eva!!
Yay!!!! So incredibly happy for you! ❤️❤️
Good for you!
So happy for you! What an example you are to your children and to other couples navigating post divorce relationships. Wishing you abundant happiness ?
Eva, YIPPEE ???Love is grand and you deserve all the best!!! Hugs my friend. Wishing you health and happiness always. Thanks for sharing with us. All my best, Robyn
Love this post! Congratulations! So happy for you! ❤️
Absolutely thrilled for you Eva!! ❤️ And thank you for sharing! So many of us feel like we really know you and appreciate your authenticity!! ?
Yes! So happy for you.
You are so wise. The right man will not just like your kids but he will actually enjoy being with them. It’s a wonderful thing to experience that!
He sounds perfect.
I’m a 70 year old retired teacher with no grandchildren so I simply adore your babies…and beautiful you, of course.
So happy for you!! Nothing better than a man who knows how to love you AND can cook you a stellar meal ?
So happy for you!! This is the best Thursday yet!!
Congratulations on the new boyfriend.i am happy for you .the weirdness will eventually go away and evolve as one or both remarries
So happy for you Eva! He’s super cute from his chef bio.
So happy for you Eva! He’s super cute from his chef bio.
So wonderful to read about your new love. You are all (you, Kyle & Ian) doing something wonderful for your children. I know it might not always be easy, but you should all be very proud. Sharing this paves the way for others to strive to achieve something similar. ?
So happy for you! Congratulations and thx for sharing good news in 2021!! ?♥️?
So happy for you Eva! Dating post break-up is intimidating, let alone a divorce with children – I can’t imagine. I’m so glad you found someone who makes you feel good, you deserve it!
Can’t wait for maybe some future guest chef posts by him, if he feels comfortable 🙂
Wonderful news. So happy you have found your unicorn! I can feel your pure joy in this post!
Sooooooooooooooooo incredibly happy for you!
So very happy for you!
So happy for you and your family.
I’m so glad you found someone who makes you feel loved and special.
Excited to get to know Ian as he feels comfortable sharing with us all. Your insta fam is excited and loves you so we want you to be happy <3
I’m so glad that you have found somebody that’s good for you and your kids. I find that men who can really accept any woman with any kind of life story behind with such easy is very admirable thing.
I hope that it will last a lifetime, you deserve a happy life with the kids and somebody who can love you for who you are.
Like always a friend from PR
Take care and hope we can see more of him.
I have followed you since Marlowe was a toddler. Not sure why other than I love kids. I can’t cook, I love makeup and I have no decorating skills at all. I’m at home 2/47 due to 2 chronic illnesses so I drown myself in Instagram.
I am so happy for you that you have a new man in your life! You deserve the best and I hope this year is one of your happiest!
Congratulations Eva !! Wonderful news, and sounds like a great partner for you.
So happy for you! Wishing you continued happiness, peace and joy in the new year.
If you are willing to share, did you all meet before Covid or after? I ask because I would like to date more, but dating during a pandemic is a whole other story…
Felicitation!Je suis Honorée et heureuse pour vous xx
Mélanie from (Warwick)Québec xx
So happy for you!!? tall, private, can cook
So refreshing! You are a fun loving individual that we have all grown to love! The best of luck in this new journey and hoping you have found your new love. Beautiful story that truly touched my heart ❤️
I hate to be Debbie Downer. But I would like to share some hard truths. Going through changes is not pretty, especially if you have no support, struggling to get or dealing with with your own mental health challenges with no access to help. We only saw parts of Eva’s journey,the parts she chose to share. We saw the pretty pictures. We did not see the reality. Can we talk about staying in our pajamas for days, barely eating,crying non stop( hiding in the bathroom from the kids to cry) feeling like you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown, overwhelmed by your own emotions, fearing loosing your mind and control of your emotions, fearing you may end up in a mental institutions,being in so much pain the kind only those who went through it understands,all this while trying to parent kids and trying to keep it together for them. I’m happy for Eva and how she has handled this situation. This took a lot of work and therapy on her part to get here. It’s her right to share when and what she is comfortable sharing.I don’t want anyone beating yourself up if you are still grieving and going through the motions. With time and patience you too can eventually move forward. Kiddos…be kind to yourselves in the meantime ❤️. Anyone else looking forward to seeing this 6″4″ Ian?
So happy for you and wish you nothing but all the love and happiness in all the land!!
Hooray for happiness!! Soak all the joy up, you deserve it!
Oh, my goodness, I love your story!!
You are amazing and deserve all the best and all you desire.
Ian sounds wonderful for you! (Love his name, too). Is he Scottish?
After yesterday, this made my day!! You are truly a role model.
Love (and peace and joy).
I couldn’t wait to get off work to read this. How exciting. So happy for all of you. I literally caught myself say “Yep”, “mhmm” and “facts!” while reading this. And share at your own place. Nothing wrong with that.
So excited and happy for you!! You deserve all of the happiness you can find. Can’t wait to hear more about Ian and how you are navigating this. Congratulations!!
This is amazing! As someone who dated and then married a single parent, it takes a special person to understand that dynamic. So happy you were able to find that special someone.
Good for you…So happy to hear! Have fun!
I am so happy for you and your family. You deserve all the happiness in the world after all that you have gone through. I love your posts and can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you. ? Thanks for all the encouraging words in this post!
Eva, this is wonderful! Thanks for the honesty and vulnerability of introducing someone new to your blog & readers. Finding love at any age, but especially after divorce is probably one of the hardest things. We love you and wish you all the best on this new journey.
With that said- I feel strongly to advise any single mom of young kids to be cautious of any man she’s ready to bring around her children. We are all too familiar with the dangers of leaving our kids alone with new men who “just adore kids” . This is in no way a diss to Eva or this blog, I am truly happy for her and her family. But to single women everywhere reading this, please use a lot of caution when moving forward as a single mom to small children. Especially if you don’t live near family or have a lot of support around.
I’m unsure of my relationship with my husband and I do want to work on it but knowing that there is such beautiful co parenting like what you’re doing with Kyle makes me believe it’s not only possible but absolutely beautiful in so many ways and the thought of separation doesn’t seems so harsh. (Again i still want to do as much as possible to work on it for now though.) Thank you for being vulnerable.
I am so happy for you
Aww congratulations! You must be so happy to post this and share this to the world. I have hope! :). As an almost divorced mother of a toddler who has her full time, I dream about this (HOW…WHEN…). I’d love to know how you introduced him to your kids!
YAY! So happy to hear this. As you stated, no one goes into a marriage expecting it to end. The hardest thing afterwards is finding someone else you can connect with. I am so happy to see you have found that person you can feel comfortable with. Everyone deserves happiness in their life! xoxo
I am so thrilled for you and Ian, Eva xx I love how you talk about taking things at your pace etc which is so important in terms of the journey you are on. I cannot wait to see what recipes you and Ian come up with on your blog given he is a chef 🙂
I wish you all the best. Putting your kids feelings and relationship first makes me very grateful to you, it’s one thing I wish I felt more as a child when my mom remarried. Still to this day I feel sad thinking about certain experiences. I wish she could have found someone like that, someone to respect her ex and her two children. The best part of that experience for me is my sister who was born when I was 10. I got to take care of her and watch her blossom. So I celebrate your new relationship. I think it is so important to check in with your kids often (especially to see if untoward things or hurt feelings are going on), really listen to them. I really admire that and your openness in regards to challenges, new experiences and awkwardness/navigating it all.
Congrats on your unicorn 🙂 excited to see you and Ian together in the kitchen!! More food content is always a good thing.
So HAPPY ? for you Eva
It takes a HUGE amount of COURAGE & STRENGTH to be willing enough to open your heart? again to someone new
Doing whats right for you well still in the process of REDISCOVERING YOURSELF is a journey ?? unlike any other
LOVE ??? is a truly magical gift that is given to all of us with the simple intention that we do the best we can to nurture and grow it properly.
Look forward to finding some
Love to find love here
Hi! Congratulations on everything!! I wish you nothing but the best.
A reader asked if you met your new boyfriend before or “after Covid.” We have not reached “after Covid” yet. There may have been months where cases were lower but that is not “life after Covid.” So I would be curious to hear how you kept things safe dating during a pandemic and since 4000 people are dying per day now in the United States it feels a bit weird that this post makes zero mention of the current reality. Indoor dining is also one of the riskiest things you can do, but I’m hoping you and your friend ate at his restaurant outdoors! To be clear you (and all people) deserve to find love, and social/emotional connection and pleasure are deeply important. There’s an opportunity to use a public platform to share how you handled Covid risks while dating.
Hi Jane, I should have said “after everything shut down last spring.” That’s what I meant. You’re right, it’s definitely not over.