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It’s been a while since a Co-Parenting update, and I figured today was as good a time as ever to bring you up to speed on our blended FamBam! One of the sweetest recent milestones as evidenced by these photos: Ian and I took our very first “family photos” with the kids the other day! I’m just so obsessed with how they came out because I think they capture the essence of who we are as a unit so well. I feel so solid and loved in our home these days, and it’s amazing to me how Julia Dags always captures how we’re feeling so perfectly. I can’t wait to get some of these in frames!
In terms of updates on my last installment in this series, the back and forth with the kids to Stamford has remained SO much easier than the old commute to the city. It’s been great having Kyle closer and able to pop in and out or help as needed. Plus how much easier it is for the kids to attend playdates, games, or birthday parties. I mentioned in a newsletter this week that our childcare situation has been a bit up in the air, and it’s been really great to have Kyle’s help with picking up/dropping off for activities or camp sometimes while I’m trying to balance full-time work and the kiddos. He even came over this week in the evening and put the kids to bed so that Ian and I could get out to dinner just the two of us and decompress a little bit. I’m grateful for his generosity of spirit when it comes to checking in on my needs as well.
in this picture
We’ve also been spending more time as a modern family unit at Kyle’s place! He has a pool in his apartment complex, so on hot days, it’s been nice to make use of that altogether. I know that the kids love having us all hanging out together when we can make it happen. The other day we spent the day by the pool, then got a sitter for Mateo so the three grownups could take the big kids out to dinner and a movie. We had a great time, and it’s nice that the kids never feel like they have to choose. I wish I had the opportunity to have all my parents and step-parents together doing fun things with me when I was growing up!
We have a kind of big Co-parenting milestone coming up next month that I wanted to share as well: my first experience apart from one of my kids on their birthday! A couple of months ago, Kyle presented to me an opportunity that arose for him to take the two big kids with him to Greece on a vacation. The week fell right during Marlowe’s 8th birthday. At first, the prospect took me by surprise and I felt a bit of panic and shock. I’ve never been away from my kids on any of their birthdays in their lives! But when I really sat with the feeling, I realized that the hesitation was all about ME…my own feelings and needs. The actual most important thing was of course how Marlowe felt about it, and the opportunity she and her brother had to create some really incredible memories. Kyle and I agreed that we’d float the idea to Marlowe and go off of that to figure out if it was a good idea.
in this picture
Of course, my little Leo was THRILLED at the prospect of a birthday vacation! LOL. As hard as it’s going to be to wake up the morning of Marlowe’s birthday with her thousands of miles away, I’m so glad that she’s doing something so special and that she’ll be creating meaningful memories with her father. And I’m sure it’s not the last birthday I’ll miss out on! I’ll be over here preparing for the college years… Ha! To be honest, Ian and I are also looking forward to that week with just Mateo. He never gets 2-on-1 time with us alone, so it’ll be an opportunity for us to bond a little deeper as well.
When it comes to Co-parenting, I think it’s always so important to look at the silver linings of any situation. How can I take advantage of the moments when I feel sad or lonely, or when my comfort level is challenged? Is it possible to flip feelings of fear or resentment into opportunities for growth and self-care? Getting divorced and sharing children are two experiences that have pushed me so far outside of my comfort zone and challenged me into becoming a much stronger, wiser, and more adaptable person. While divorce with kids is never something I’d “recommend”, I truly feel I’d be a completely different person today if not for the lessons of the last three years. I’m so grateful for the challenges that have brought me to where I am today.
Lastly, I get asked about an engagement LITERALLY every day. I am so so moved by how invested my online community is in my relationship with Ian, but I promise when it happens you won’t need to ask if it did! I won’t keep it a secret! Making the decision to remarry is not something I take lightly, and Ian and I are both on the same page about making sure we are 200% sure we want the same things for our future before we commit to next steps. I’m really happy with where we are right now, and if/when we get engaged, I’m sure it will be a very short engagement. Until then, everyone can stop asking me where the ring is! I don’t know! LOL.
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This is really beautiful. As a child of divorce (I was 3) and having had both parents remarry it makes a massive difference when all the grown-ups get along. The only shared experiences I can remember were the ones out of necessity (big events, birthdays, etc). In fact I often had one parent bad mouthing the other because of jealousy (they were not the custodial parent) which only hurt my sister and me. What you three adults are giving your kids may be unique and hard for some to understand but it is a true gift. To not have to worry about the needs of your parents, to not have to choose or feel guilt, it’s truly beautiful. I’m sure it takes a lot of work for all of you and you should all really applaud yourselves. One day your kids will realize how much more of peaceful life you worked to give them and I’m positive the abundance of gratitude will come pouring in. 💗
I love your co-parenting updates – you’re really normalizing blended families, and I love it.
I’m in Ian’s position, where I’m the bonus adult in my boyfriend’s kids’ lives. We just all moved in together. Would Ian ever be open to doing a Q&A with you about HIS role/perspective/tips/advice in the dynamic?
Love everything about this story!!
Co-parenting is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and God knows there are times I can do it much better.
I find myself learning from each and every experience, and I feel like I’m growing, but the growth is S-L-O-W……
I commend you for your transparency and efforts to normalize divorce/co parenting/blended families.
❤️
Reading this and see those insanely gorgeous pictures make my heart burst knowing and feeling {your words are so tangible!} how deeply loved your kids are and how thoughtful and loving you, Kyle, and Ian are as co-parents 💗 I have followed you for so long and am just so dang happy for you all!
As a child of divorce, I absolutely love reading about how well your co-parenting update is going. I know it’s all a labor of love! I admire your honesty about your true feelings and how your family work through them. Ian is an amazing person, seeing him love your children as his own is just so magical. ❤️
This is such an awesome blog. I honestly came across your insta a few years ago by chance and have followed you ever since. I love how “real” and vulnerable you can be. I commend you for sharing that with an audience of thousands. I applaud you, Kyle and Ian for sharing your private lives and everyday struggles. On hard days, it helps me to feel better that life isn’t perfect and that’s ok!
Julia really knows how to capture a mood. These photos bleed love and comfort. Clearly I don’t know you IRL, but it makes me so happy to see you so happy! A little teary eyed over here. You’ve got a lightness to you these days. So glad to hear you’re feeling supported and taken care of from all your people. You’ve got this!
Simply beautiful. All of it.
I have followed you for so long and I’m so happy for you, kids, Kyle and Ian. I’d love a Q&A from Ian’s perspective. He seems so natural when it comes to the kids. I love that M&M are going to Greece. How freaking exciting!!! ♥️
this is a beautiful and inspirational update! thank you for sharing it. have a wonderful summer with friends and family!
I envy what you have after just finishing a marriage dissolution (3 year case), costing over half a million between fees and lost equity in our home all because 1 high conflict individual. It’s nice to see does like these, but the truth remains family court as it stands as no place in America. That’s what battle still needs to be fought as all it takes is one individual to be unwilling to compromise and drag the other through the system to ruin lives which this nation should be better than that. My case will have a documentary written about it as the state I live in is actively breaking my 14th amendment and the federal government wants to ignore the violation of a fundamental right to parent ones child (those can only be striped by due process which hasn’t happened, no record, no speeding tickets, yet the state of Minnesota is fine with denying untied state constitutional rights). What’s worse is the federal government has ignored my plea for assistance for the 3 years (do we really have these rights if they can be striped and the DOJ Civil Rights division will not address the issue, I argue no, they’re just nice thoughts that one meant something). Pretty sad, watch for my documentary to see how the court that makes more than all other courts combined destroys families every day the government is running.
Hi Eva,
thanks for sharing this update! I applaud your enthusiasm to share with this community and try to work things out within the three adults that your kids have in their life as parental units. It is great and very forward. I wish I had that somehow. I wish my mom felt she had that, so she could have more time for herself.
I don’t have kids yet but I am a child of divorce and I think there are important stages in each phase that need to be acknowledge and taken care of. Good for all of you, pics are phenomenal and good for Kyle and the kiddos for a Greek vacay!!