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My Dearest Marlowe,
Happiest TWELFTH birthday! As you enter the final year of your pre-teen era, I have so many emotions swirling in me: I’m nostalgic, I’m overwhelmed, I’m proud, I’m nervous, I’m grateful, and I’m completely in awe of the young lady you’ve already become. This past year has been one of tremendous evolution for you. Not just on the outside, where everyone can see and admire it, but also on the inside…in the deepest parts of you, as you grow, change, heal, and elevate in a way I know that even you recognize and can identify. There is an elegance to you these days that is unteachable and so beautiful.
You’re still my little girl– but I see in every thoughtful moment, every conversation with an adult, every moment of joy– the woman you will become one day soon. She is there in the way you nurture the ones you love. She is there in the way you take time for yourself when you need it. She is there in how you stand up for your values and for yourself in challenging moments. She is there in your boundaries. She is there in your humility and tenderness. She is there in your determination to do what you set out to do.
I’ve always said that my goal as a Mother is to nurture people who can exist safely and constructively, with joy, in a world that I no longer exist in. As my firstborn, I’m proud of you every day, but I’m also proud of myself for doing the work I have needed to do to help you be independent, healed, and whole in such a world one day. I hope we get 100 more years together. But if we don’t, I know that you will shine so brightly in this world, Lowie girl. You are every incredible thing. You are gentle, you are funny, you are intelligent, tough, brave, kind, curious, sweet, and disciplined. You are generous. Your North Star is true. You are absolutely my best friend, and I feel so grateful that we have the type of close bond that I always wished I would feel with my daughter. Thank you for being the other half of making that possible. We both work hard to show up with empathy, repair when we need to, and laugh a lot. I love that you trust me. I love hearing your belly laugh more than anything in this world.
As you enter this tender, final year before your teens, I hope you know that you don’t have to have everything figured out. I hope you know that there is absolutely nothing you could say, do, or think that could make me love you any less. I hope you know that you are incredible in both your strengths and your weaknesses. I hope you know that the bravery you have shown through the hardest times of your life isn’t typical, and that it has inspired me on my own journey, too. I hope you know that I will find you in every lifetime that you’ll let me walk with you through.
The next 12 years will take you down many paths physically, socially, spiritually, and emotionally. Some will be a great fit right away, some won’t. Some will be the worst possible choice you could make for yourself at the time. Some will let you fail gently, some at a great price. Some will bring you a joy so bright that you won’t ever be able to imagine life without them. Some will bring you to your knees. There will be triumphs and loneliness. There will be secrets, and acceptance. There will be community, and isolation. There will be fracture, and repair. There will be more, and more, and more, and more knowing of exactly who you are and what you need.
Welcome it all! It’s all part of your beautiful story, meant exactly for you. Just know that I will always be here, praying for your growth and joy, drying your tears, keeping your secrets, loving you FIERCELY. Today we celebrate you, all that you are, and all that you are yet to be!
Happy Birthday, my sweetheart! Yours always,
Mama.
