The following content may contain affiliate links. When you click and shop the links, we receive a commission.
Now that the school year is nearly over, I think it’s the perfect time to check in with another Coparenting update! Kyle and I have now been officially co-parenting for over a year and a half, and so we have progressed to a really great rhythm with it all. I talked about it in-depth in my latest Instagram Live discussion, (embedding below!) but it’s important to work towards your own method of co-parenting that works for you. It’s ok to loosen the reigns a bit on the “agreement” that’s written in stone if both parents agree that’s what’s best for the kids. Kids grow and change, and so do their needs! It’s more important to agree together on what works for everyone involved than to suffer through it.
in this picture
Since my last co-parenting update, the kids have gotten into a great routine going back and forth to Kyle’s every other weekend. They have their routines and systems in place there as well as at my house, and they look forward to their time in the city. When the kids are with Kyle, I usually try to check in with them a couple of times a day. Once in the late morning to see how everyone is doing, and then before the kids go to sleep to say goodnight. We’re pretty flexible though, so if the kids are busy or if I’m not able to make one of those times, we just skip it and connect the next time. And speaking of flexibility, that’s gotten a lot easier as well. Recently, Kyle had to miss certain days he was scheduled to have the kids. We ended up working it out where I took them, and then he had them for additional days the next time. I think it’s important when co-parenting to be flexible when you can, so that you can receive that flexibility in return when you want to use it!
in this picture
Since weekend activities have started up again, a bigger picture question we are contending with is how to handle local sports and social commitments for the kids on weekends with Dad. It was something we had discussed when Kyle made the move to NYC, and we knew it would be coming up on a time when him living farther away would be complicated when it came to sports and other commitments the kids had. Right now, Marlowe is playing town soccer, and on the weekends when she’s with Kyle, he drives the kids all the way back here to play the game and then all the way back to his house. It’s tough on everyone, and logistically really annoying for him as well. She really enjoys playing soccer, though, and so we want her to do the weekend activities she likes– especially ones that her friends are doing with her! Of course, her calendar will only get more and more full as she gets older. Not to mention, the two boys as well. It’s so complicated, and I’m curious how other families with across-state custody sharing deal with this issue in your families?
in this picture
We’ve also started leaving three sets of Pajamas, some loveys, and two swimsuits for each kid at Kyle’s to making packing a lot easier each weekend. I’m sure they’ll start leaving more and more things there as time goes on to make packing more minimal!
I hope it goes without saying, but co-parenting is a long journey, with lots of ups and downs. If your co-parenting situation isn’t the smoothest at this moment, don’t let it get you down. It’s possible to grow with a co-parent to a better place in the future, and it’s so important to look at the relationship as a lifelong one. Always coming to the table with an open heart, patience, and forgiveness is so important! Let me know if there are any other logistical questions I can help answer!
in this picture
Read more from this series…
Photographs by Julia Dags | Copyright © 2021 Happily Eva After, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Wow Eva you are such an inspiration when it comes to co-parenting and parenting in general! Your children seem so happy, well adjusted and overall thriving and I think that’s a lot thanks to you, and of course Kyle too. Thanks for sharing your family with us!
Thank you Irina! I really think kids thrive when the parents are their happiest! xx
Love hearing about your efforts to keep your kids the priority. Sometimes it’s tough to parent with someone that your relationship is so different with – but kids didn’t ask for the changes. I’ve always been mindful that my children have a father who needs to be a part of our family, even if he isn’t a part of my home. It’s tough. When I remarried, I made sure my husband understood that their dad was a part of the package. Unfortunately when my ex remarried his wife wanted nothing to do with co-parenting and it’s really been a struggle for our kids. I wish all parents put their kids’ needs first and would see that being on the same page helps everyone. Kids need to see their parents get along. So long story short (haha) I am so glad you’re doing the work to include your new partner and still balance the co-parenting the same way.
It’s so important to remember that even if your co-parenting relationship isn’t where you want it to be in time you can get there. After two years my ex and I are finally on the same page with our two boys and can I tell you what a sigh of relief it is to both just be focused on the well being of our children!
I feel like the sports life in general is kind of stressful. My boys play baseball twice a week, and while we all love it, it’s stressful. It’s hard to plan meals around it, it’s hard to keep a sibling entertained while trying to enjoy the game yourself. Sometimes they’re both playing at the same time at different fields and that’s hard too. After one particularly stressful game night, my husband said “we gotta figure out a system.” Then we quickly realized that the season was already almost over and so we didn’t really need to come up with anything because by the time we would, it would all be behind us anyway. Just by changing the perspective, made the whole thing easier to deal with. Thinking of the stressful things as temporary really helped.
So I don’t have a ton of advice for your specific issue, but hopefully it helps a little to look at it a little differently. I feel like parenting in general is like seasons, just when you get used to a routine, the kids flip the script, their needs change and you adjust.
Amazing how they have done it as parents. A consultation as has been the issue of child support? Kylie helps you financially? How did you solve the amount?
It’s been so great to hear your experience with co-parenting. Thank you so much for sharing it! We live in NJ and my stepson lives primarily with his mom in MA. Our schedule used to be every third weekend, plus half of all school breaks. Realistically (and esp as he got older; he’s now 18), he spent much less time here than that. On lots of weekends, my husband would go up there and stay at a hotel locally with him. My husband and his ex-wife continue to have a contentious relationship (even 16 years after divorcing with both moving on and getting remarried). But my husband has done a great job maintaining contact with video calls over the years. We (my husband, myself and our two “ours” kids) all have great relationships with my step-son and he feels loved by everyone in his family.
Hi Eva – I see that you post a lot of pictures with your kids and Ian. Do you think when Kyle is in a relationship and the kids develop a bond with that person, will it be hard for you as a mom to see another woman loving on your kids? I would think it would be difficult especially for moms. Just curious on your thoughts. PS I think it’s great you found someone who seems to love you all & gets along with Kyle.
As a child of divorced parents, I love reading about how it could have been LOL. Y’all are crushing it.
My parents lived 2 hours away from one another and there was no effort put in from my dad in accommodating me on the weekends I had to go to his house. Of course, this led to resentment as I got older and wanted to stay at my moms to do my normal life like all my friends. So even though I’m sure it’s a nightmare to schlep back and forth, I’m sure it means the world to the kids!
My kids were 7 months and 4 years. We always lived in the same city so the sports is a tuff one for you. I do can say if you find the kids are missing you and want to come home, I found not calling them was better. Kids are fine as long as they are in the moment (having fun, distracted) and won’t miss the other parent. When they’re reminded you’re not there they miss you and want to leave