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I can’t really think of a time that has been more stressful or overwhelming in my life, and it perfectly coincided with the second trimester of this pregnancy with my third kiddo! To say that this has been a hard time for me is a vast understatement. My main priority has been taking care of my kids (internal included), and myself, and trying to cultivate as much joy, positivity, and perspective as possible. This is a challenging time, but it is just a time. This too shall pass. It’s important for me to remind myself EVERY day that as “short” as life is, it is also mercifully long, and allows us many opportunities for reinvention, growth, and opportunity. As I head in to this last bit of pregnancy, and look forward to meeting my baby boy (!) I’m focusing on that! Today I thought I would share more about what’s been going on pregnancy-wise as I enter in to my Third Trimester.
First of all, I just want to note how lucky I feel that this pregnancy has been complication-free and that I’ve had a safe and healthy Second Trimester. I don’t take that for granted at all, especially considering circumstances, and I feel really grateful to my sweet little boy that he’s been hanging in there with me and giving Mama an easy time while I figure out life right now! I had a really good 20 week anatomy scan, that showed us we are structurally looking at a healthy pregnancy with this little guy.
I’ve been feeling tons of movement since 17 weeks, and he has been just as active as his older siblings– especially around the kids’ bedtime! His little legs and arms will pop out of my tummy, and his entire butt and back shifts up in to the air– it’s wild! It’s been so sweet to watch all three of them interact before bed. The “Bigs”, as I’ve been calling them, have been really feeling connected with their little brother and talk to him all the time even when they don’t want to talk to me. LOL! It’s been making me feel so much more centered during this time to focus on this baby boy entering our family and completing it– and how excited all four of us are to meet him.
Every appointment I have, this baby has been growing and thriving, and I’m really looking forward to my final ultrasound in my Third Trimester when they turn on the 3D imaging for me and can show me his sweet little face! Best day ever! In not so great news, I was alarmed to find during the past couple months of stress that my weight was plummeting. I’m somebody who has always had a hard time finding an appetite when I’m going through a lot– and even with force feeding myself, I was dropping weight. I spoke to my doctor and midwives, though, and they assured me that as long as baby is thriving it is ok. To just spend time and energy making sure that I’m resting and eating as much nutritious food as possible. I’ve been focusing on that, and luckily it’s been working to get me back on track. I’m just glad that our sweet babe has managed to stay happy and healthy during this time of transition.
Speaking of happy and healthy, I recently made a big decision to hire a Doula for my labor– and she is so lovely, and I feel so connected to her that it’s taken a big load off of my mind. I hadn’t been planning on using one this time, but with the shift in Kyle and my relationship, we both agreed that it would be a nice personal support for me to have somebody especially for me during my approaching Homebirth. (I will also have a certified Nurse Midwife present to actually deliver the baby, obviously!). I’ve been nesting as well, and the baby’s crib is all set up– with his glider chair on order as well. It’s been helpful for me emotionally to slowly but surely set my world up for newborn life– even though I’ve had a series of little mini meltdowns along the way about being “ready”. I just try to breathe through those moments of uncertainty and know that all will be ok. I’m putting some examples below of my most worn items during this past trimester in case anybody is curious! I’ve been getting questions about that so I wanted to offer my faves.
January brings the last few months before the arrival of our newest family member! Welcoming whatever this next chapter brings with open arms. I’d love to hear from anybody else who has gone through a separation or divorce while pregnant. Can you share any tips? Thanks!
Photographs by Julia Dags
You look gorg as always!
Best for this last tri and sweet healthy baby boy xo
LOVE this look! Happy Holidays Mama!
Being a maternity nurse, I have to say you are bonkers to have a home birth. If you could see what I’ve seen you would never do it.
This is going to be her third home
birth. She knows what is best for her and I am sure she wouldn’t be doing it a third time if she had any reservations.
@IvinsBetsey How is this at all helpful? I’m a L&D nurse too, and support people making birthing decisions that are best for them and their families. Clearly Eva is educated, meets the qualifications of a low-risk birth, has had SVBs and a home birth previously, is working with a qualified profession birth provider, and most importantly isn’t seeking validation or scare stories from anyone. I don’t know Eva, but hope she and other birthing people will only get positive and meaningful support from any health person— even ones not working with them. We all need to do better!
If you read the studies it is safer to deliver a low risk pregnancy at home with an experienced midwife than in the hospital. Better health outcomes for mother and child. I am a PA-C and delivered my second child outside of the hospital after having a horrible hospital experience with my first ??
Fear mongering and projecting on a pregnant woman… classy.
Home is the safest place to give birth if you feel safe. No cascade of interventions and no interruption to the hormonal blueprint of labour. True science says it best, birth belongs at home. Check out Michel Odent (a french obstetrician) for deeper information.
That’s like a firefighter saying if you’d seen what I have you’d never drive a car. You, and they, see the worst-case situations. I’m grateful for your work, but you should be careful making recommendations based solely on personal experience. Fortunately, there are a ton of peer-reviewed scientific studies showing that homebirth for low (average) risk moms, under the care of a licensed midwife, is equally if not more safe as hospital birth for both moms and babies. I applaud Eva’s educated choice of what feels best for her.
Maybe you meant well with this comment, but it’s none of your business. Her body, her life, her choice. The only thing needed at this particular time in her life is support, love, and acceptance from people. So, please check the negativity at the door and offer up something helpful and kind instead.
You’re life is such a shit show. Any others who divorced while pregnant?! Who the hell would do that? It’s just unbelievable to me that your here trying to “influence” when its divorce and pinterest dollar tree crafts (you’re trying to pass off as your own) on the menu. Pull everyone out of the beautiful home they were already in to this “forever home” (that lasted 5 minutes) which has been under construction for a year and then back out of your clear decision to feel complete as a family for a person you couldn’t live with 45 days later?? Jesus. Look, I’m sure I’m not saying anything you haven’t thought yourself, and I’m sure it’ll be an unpopular opinion, but I’m okay with that.
Wow. How incredibly harsh and uncalled for. She already mentioned that this is an extremely difficult time in her life, why would you actively try and make it worse? Next time, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. A little support for someone struggling goes a long way.
Sam, you’re a terrible person. You very obviously are miserable and have a lot of hatred in your life, as you so freely spread it out onto people you don’t even know. Get out of here with your misplaced judgments and vitriol. No one wants or needs you around. Fix yourself.
If you’re going to be cruel at least be grammatically correct. I think what you meant to say was “YOUR life is such a shit show” and “IT’S all about divorce and Pinterest Dollar Tree crafts”.
At least this way your only sound mean, not mean and stupid.
The way her and Kyle have handled this should be admired. Their kids are healthy, happy, and extremely loved. It’s not like they planned for this to happen, but life happens, and how you handle it is what matters. It’s amazing that her and Kyle took the time to find the best way to break the news to the kids and are continuing to move on as a family. A lot of parents don’t make that effort and kids end up suffering from it. She is navigating a difficult situation and should be supported not judged. I am confused as to why you are even following her or subscribed to her newsletter if you clearly don’t agree with her choices? Do you think what you said was helpful? Necessary? Could you or would you handle what she is going through with the same class, respect, and honesty as she is?
Sam,
Eva, like all of us, is human. This is her life that she chooses to share and you can choose to follow or not. If it affects you this way, then just move on! I hope that one day you can get to a place where you don’t feel the need to externalize your own negativity, judgment, and pessimism into others’ lives.
And remember, behind these blog posts and newsletters is a real person. With real emotions who happens to be going through a lot of hard personal life transitions, yet she continues to be brave enough to share, even though there are nasty people just waiting to pounce. Just be nice! Or lighten your negative emotional load and hit the road, jack!
Happy Holidays!
Wow how insulting and you have no right
I am so happy to hear the way your kids behave arround the “baby brother belly”, its really what its all about. So happy for you and Kyle and the bigs. Wish you happy holidays and lots of blessings!!!
Breaking up during a pregnancy I am sure is not the easiest solution to make. But how are you planning on taking care of that new baby boy once he arrives?
3 kids is hard work, and I know, because I have 4. But nightly feedings and having to get up because the olders ones have to go to school. Will Kyle help out or do you have something else planned?
Just making sure because no one can do this alone, and you need to sleep! 🙂
Eva, I am surprised and saddened by some of the comments here. Just know that they are the few, not the many. Most of us are really appreciative and supportive of you, and many of us are keeping you in our prayers. Everything is going to be okay, and brighter days are ahead! You’re the best!
I normally just read & don’t comment on a blog post. But today I need to share how amazed I am by the Grace you are giving to yourself as you navigate your new normal. We are all cheering for you and your family.
Life rarely happens as we planned it… and with all the changes that you obviously didn’t plan, you’re doing an awesome job working through them. Also not to mention how lovely you’re doing still giving content to all of the people you’ve built a digital community with. How do you do it??
Enjoy your time off. Drink allllll the hot chocolate and marshmallows. Soak in alllll the snuggles with the “Bigs”. And press into yourself. You deserve to rest.
Felt the need to comment with some positivity after reading the awful things some people wrote above. Eva, you’re doing amazing and while I know this year has been tough for your family, I’m wishing nothing but the best for y’all in 2020. You got this!! XOXO
Geez-some people don’t have any Christmas spirit! You’re doing a great job mama! Here’s to a nice relaxing, stress free Christmas and final trimester!
You got this!!!! Love you guys!!!! I’ve never had kids but I have been divorced. All you need is time – never wish it away and just keep on being your bad self cutey boo! ????
Well said. This is not an easy time for sure. I live in Westport and it is so family oriented. It’s tough and was tough when my husband of 17 years left and I had a 5 year old at the time. I was scared shitless and had no job because I stayed at home after working 15 years in NYC. Sooolo lots of weekly therapy for 3 years straight and now 10 years later I could not be happier. My daughter is a Senior at .HS, I have a wonderful boyfriend of 7 years and a great job. It does get better, I promise!!!! Please hang in there and it’s ok to throw tantrums and cry every now and then in front of your kids. Don’t try and be perfect…nobody is. 🙂
Hey, very nice site. I came across this on Google, and I am stoked that I did. I will definitely be coming back here more often. Wish I could add to the conversation and bring a bit more to the table, but am just taking in as much info as I can at the moment. Thanks for sharing.
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I’m not replying to the troll above because they are undeserving, but needless to say, it’s exactly this kind of shaming that keeps people in terrible situations. I did not separate while I was pregnant, but I should have. I’m in the midst of it now and it began when my son was a bit over a year.
No one makes this kind of decision lightly; I certainly didn’t. My desire to stay married was forged in a deep commitment to the health of the whole family and the recognition that I needed to leave was made under the weight of the same commitment.
I’m not public about the details except with a few trusted friends. But the larger issue was that the choices my spouse was making were incommensurate with that of a modern partnership. And, I was increasingly concerned that our children would believe that this was a model they should follow. I’ve been very intentional about staying away from a narrative of victimhood. While I am not happy with this where we ended up, I’m careful about how I communicate that because I don’t want my children to believe that divorce simply equals failure or that I have been simply wronged. What that means is that I have fits of sobbing and cursing into my pillow and with my therapist, but that my adult face is one of determined commitment to the changing shape of my family. Sometimes that means I overcompensate when my husband and I are together with the kids–the voice is too lilting, the smile a bit too wide, the insistence that “I’m actually very happy with my life though sad about this turn, no regrets” a tad rushed–but that’s all because it’s not my children’s job to be the adults and nurse my feelings. It’s my job to take care of them. And that doesn’t mean staying in a relationship that is unhealthy but modeling a commitment to mental and emotional health through the rough moments in life.
So best wishes to you in this stage of your life and in this stage of the year. Both pregnancy and the holidays come with a welter of emotions and expectations, I feel the ups and downs acutely. Ready for a new year.
It is so unfortunate how ugly complete strangers can be to another being. Then to see the complete opposite, unconditional love for a “stranger”, from all walks of life. We’re all in your corner Eva! Rooting for your entire family! Team Martino!!
Galex – What an eloquent response!
I hope more and more people can better understand the mental health of everyone in the family is much more important than just biting your tongue and acting like everything is perfect.
Thank you for your post and sharing a little bit of your world with us. It is appreciated, even though a select few would have you think otherwise. Trust me, that is not how the majority of your followers think. We LOVE you and your family. No one should ever make you feel bad for your choices. You are doing a great, your kids are happy and healthy, and that’s all that matters right now.
I hope you have a happy and healthy 3rd trimester. You’re so brave to share so much and help others along the way. I’m sorry some people spew such hateful comments.
Your family is beautiful and you are all blessed to welcome a new baby boy soon
I always read your posts, but have never commented. However today I felt like it was drastically needed. You are amazing and are handling your situation and new normal with incredible strength and grace. I hope that all the positive comments here can help outweigh the negative. Just know that you have so many good vibes coming your way! Keeping your babes healthy and happy is what is important. Only you know what is best for you and them. It may be hard, but try and dismiss the rest of the hateful negative comments. You got this Mama!
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