This has been a super interesting Fall for our family for a few reasons. It’s Ian and my first season of life as a married couple, we’ve officially completed an entire year in our forever home, and the kids all are out of the baby phase and into a new, more grown up era. All of these factors have come together to usher us into a really new and different chapter in our parenting journey and in our life as a family– and it’s been overall extremely positive. I did have a little mini era in September where I was EXTREMELY sad and anxious about the kids not being little anymore. I don’t really know what ushered it in– maybe Mateo starting his last year ever of preschool– but for about 2 weeks anything and everything would make me burst into tears. I would cry every night putting the kids to bed because everything felt like it was going by too quickly, and I had dreams almost every night with flashbacks of the kids when they were little. It was a hard time for me, but I kept reminding myself that part of this mourning process was preparing myself for a new chapter as a family that had so many exciting and different things about it to look forward to.

In the midst of processing this new era for our family, Ian and I realized that we didn’t really need consistent childcare anymore. Ian and I both work from home full-time, which is a huge convenience and blessing. Of course, there can be downsides to being at home constantly with each other, but generally speaking, we both acknowledge how lucky we are for it! It means that if the kids are sick or have a random day off, it doesn’t mess up our work schedules. It also means that at least one of us is normally home when the bus gets home with the two big kids. Mateo is in his last year of preschool, and even though his school gets out in the early afternoon, they offer an Aftercare program that goes until the late afternoon.

When we sat down and thought about it, we realized that a full-time nanny, which I had had since 2018 during the workweek, just didn’t make sense anymore. One of the benefits of being my own boss, is that I can set my own hours. Without somebody available to pick the kids up, taking them to their activities and appointments, and start dinner, it would be a big adjustment for our family– but certainly not an impossible one.

When Ian and I first put our new schedule on paper and talked to the kids about this big change, we were really surprised by their reactions. We thought it would be bittersweet for them, and would take some adjustment to not have that extra comfort person in our home. But, they were completely thrilled! They loved that they would be getting more time with me during the afternoons than they were used to, and they were especially looking forward to eating dinner nightly all together as a family. We’ve been in this new routine for the last couple of months now, and I’ve truly been shocked by how many positive changes I’ve noticed in our family life. It’s made me realize how much we needed this shift, despite the in-the-moment challenges it brings at times.

The biggest change has been just the overall vibe. We are SO much closer, and more in tune with each other now. I hadn’t realized how disruptive the transitions had been for the kids from their time at school to their time with a nanny, to their time with us. There was a level of angst and anxiety (or maybe nervous energy is the better term) when we transitioned into our nightly family time at 6 pm, that completely dissipated when it was just us and them. I feel more tuned into them, and I also feel like the kids feel more tuned into us as parents, and our very real balancing act. The kids see us juggling all parts of our lives a lot more clearly now, and they understand it more. I can see that their respect for what we do in a day has grown, and they have all become much better Team Players when it comes to family life.

The kids have all taken over more chores now, and they’ll help me do laundry, tidy up the house, and clean their rooms/make their beds daily. Both Marlowe and Major have been much better self-starters with homework, too. Even Mateo has benefitted sooo much from being in school LONGER, which was a complete surprise to me. From the first day that he did Aftercare, he came home so happy, calm, and tired in the best way. He looks forward to it daily, and I think he really enjoys having that extra time with a friend group his own age. I had underestimated how challenging it is for him sometimes to have two siblings who are close in age to each other, but just older enough than him that it causes him to feel like he’s the odd one out. I know that the perceived “gap” will close between the three of them the older Mateo gets, but for now, school is giving him the peer time that he craves!

I think perhaps the biggest positive change from our new routine has been our family dinner experience. When we had a full-time nanny, she would prepare their dinner and feed them right at 5 pm. This worked great when they were younger, but in the last year or so, they ended up needing a snack or basically a second dinner later in the evening. This would disrupt whatever homework or family time we had together, and would also create a power struggle since they all wanted different things, or wanted something unhealthy, etc. The kids would also ALWAYS complain about their dinner and basically ended up eating completely different things. (One wanted a certain kind of pasta, the other one wanted no sauce on the pasta, the third one wanted only chicken or didn’t like the vegetable, etc). It felt like I was always hearing that there were negotiations at dinner time and so much effort wasted getting them to finish their plates. When we told the kids our new normal routine plan, the one caveat I was very clear about with them was that we would ALL be eating the SAME dinner, together at 6 pm. And they know Mama doesn’t eat plain pasta with cheese.

Major is by far my pickiest eater, and he was the most nervous about this. I explained that we would be cooking a delicious and nutritious meal nightly, with several different things on the plate. Dinner will vary every day, and there will be no substitutions. It is up to the kids to eat it or not eat it, but the kitchen is closed after dinner. No bowls of cereal, protein bars, etc. If they are hungry, they can eat what I made them, or they can choose to not eat it and wait until breakfast. 30 minutes before bed, I offer them something from the fruit bowl if they’d like it. Otherwise, goodbye and goodnight! I realize this can be seen as strict, and frankly, I don’t care. I had gotten completely overwhelmed by the kids deciding that they did or didn’t like something if the wind blew a certain way. I also wasn’t about to cook four separate dinners. I anticipated a big fight and a huge adjustment period for this new stricter boundary. Shockingly, they took to it like champs.

Major has tried “new” foods (he had previously refused) at least three times a week for the last two months. He has even found some new favorites! If they say “I don’t like this” about something on their plate, I remind them that as the Chef, I am here for compliments only. LOL. (But also not kidding.) They’ve all been eating so much better, and with vastly less negotiating and begging on our part. The best part has been connecting for 30-40 minutes over the same meal, just like I did as a kid growing up. I love experiencing them trying and liking new foods they’re introduced to, and I LOVE talking about our days all together as a family. We do “Peak and Pit” every night, catch up on what is going on at school or at work, and we laugh a ton. Ian and I have really enjoyed the challenge of finding and creating easy weeknight meals that work for all of us as a family, too!

While I’m slightly more tired, and definitely more discombobulated at times balancing everything (and working early/late hours), I’ve been so pleasantly surprised by how many positives it’s brought to all of our lives. Ian and I were remarking the other day that in the four years we’ve been together, this is the most connected and centered our unit has felt. And that feels super lucky. Let me know if you guys would be interested in more family meal ideas or any other organization tips for that work/life balance!

Photographs by Julia Dags | Copyright © 2024 Happily Eva After, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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