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If miscarriage is seldom talked about, the feelings associated with pregnancy after a loss are even more seldom talked about.
I think there’s a misconception that once a woman conceives after a miscarriage, that somehow her miscarriage is erased – that the feelings of loss are replaced by feelings of joy for this new baby, and that everything moves forward as it should be. In my own experience, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
When I experienced my own devastating miscarriage at almost ten weeks pregnant in 2015, one of the deepest scars it left with me was fear. As I grieved the loss of my child, and what could have been, I was also paralyzed by a fear that I would never again have a healthy child. My miscarriage was so sudden, so unexpected. I had been into my doctor’s office for a perfect, normal ultrasound just the day before. I saw our baby moving and growing normally: its arms and legs, its perfect heartbeat, its size right on track. Then, our baby passed away inside me what must have been only a few hours later. The entire experience was traumatizing from the moment I knew my child was no longer living, all the way through the D&C, and the recovery period which reminds you every moment that your body is eliminating a pregnancy. Some women’s breasts even leak the milk they had been developing for their child in these days afterward.
I had always been a trusting person – able to believe that all would be OK even in the most stressful or unfortunate of circumstances, but now that felt idiotically naive. I understood for the first time not only how fragile life is, but how our hopes, dreams, and expectations are even more fragile. I realized at that moment, and in the thousands of moments afterward, that there is absolutely nothing special about my own hopes and dreams – that they are and always have been as delicate and vulnerable as the next person’s.
Gone was the illusion of “Good Luck” or “Fate” or “Meant To Be.” I entered a period of my life at that time where I felt the most vulnerable, and unsure of most of the things I believed and hoped to be true:
That I would get to choose how many children I would have, that my children would grow up safe and healthy, and that my family would always be OK in the end.
I’m sure these are common feelings felt by any grieving person. There are people who have lost children of all ages, even more than one, and I can’t imagine their heartbreak and depth of loss. I think this is one of the least understood things about loss of any kind:
That it seeps into every corner of a person’s life, that it changes them, and that their life after their loss is a different life than before.
I felt extremely misunderstood after my miscarriage, especially by people I knew that hadn’t experienced a pregnancy loss themselves. I think they hoped that time would heal, that after a period of grieving I would be all better and that it was best to wait it out. I got a lot of “reminders” that I would “have another baby”, that “it just wasn’t meant to be”, or reassurances that I would “eventually” have the family that I wanted.
What I wanted to tell these people was that I didn’t want “another” baby. I wasn’t interested in their “meant to be.”
I was interested in the baby that I had; the one that I loved and was waiting for. THAT ONE is the one that I wanted, and that one is the one that I will never have.
Above all, I was sure that every pregnancy I ever had again would end up this way – that it would seem perfectly fine and then one day the baby would be dead with no explanation. I was sure that I would never again birth a healthy child, hold them to my breast and touch their tiny fingers and toes.
For a while, I wouldn’t even discuss trying to get pregnant again. I felt resentful at the idea that we would just move on from the experience, “buy a new puppy”, so to speak. I wanted to figure out my feelings, to rage and sob and hold my daughter without trembling. I was so adamant that trying again wasn’t the right thing to do, until I looked inside myself and realized that my rejection of growing our family further was being fed and nourished by my fear.
I was so deeply afraid of the possible outcome of further loss that I was fighting even the idea of opening my heart again.
As anyone who has been through heartbreak knows, making yourself vulnerable after you’ve been deeply hurt is one of the hardest things to do. I was sick of living in fear, of having so many negative thoughts about my future, and having that fear affect the way I was living my life. After a lot of discussion with my husband, we both decided that the joy that another child would bring our family outweighed the challenges of another heartbreak. We decided to go into another pregnancy attempt with our hearts open and to hope always for the best.
Even with these intentions, it was terrifying when I learned I was pregnant again. I felt so many things. I was afraid of loss, of course, but I also felt fiercely protective, and above all;
a homesickness and longing for the baby that our family would never get to meet.
I didn’t feel like celebrating. I barely spoke of it. Kyle and I talked around it, almost. I was two weeks late before I even summoned enough courage to take a pregnancy test. I was reluctant to know my due date. I pushed off my ultrasounds, sure that each one would bring more devastating news. Each time I would begin to dream or think about this baby, I would hurry it from my mind. I threw myself into work, or into tasks and adventures with my daughter. I didn’t think of the nursery, of the baby’s face, or of our pregnancy announcement as I had so often with my last pregnancy. This ambivalence began to creep into all the areas of my life.
We had a couple of exciting bits of news that I saw only the bad in – every victory at work was quickly dimmed by my estimations of what could go wrong. My answer to everything was: “Well, we’ll see how it goes. I’ll get excited when it’s really happening”.
In my mind, I was waiting for the second trimester – the “safe time” where I could finally be happy and relieved. Then, I got an email from a Happily Eva After reader that really changed my outlook:
She wrote and thanked me for speaking out about my miscarriage, and shared her own devastating losses with me – two of which had happened well into her second trimester. I realized suddenly that pregnancy, like life, is never guaranteed. There is no safe zone, there is only hope or fear.
What good was I doing myself to ignore and dismiss this pregnancy just because of some arbitrary timeline? I wanted to fall in love with this child just as I had the two times before. I missed that feeling of hopeful joy, and I know my husband and daughter missed it too.
At that moment, I decided to love again – completely.
I had a little conversation with my tiny babe deep inside me, and apologized for all the time I had lost. We shared the news with friends and colleagues, I bought a teeny pair of newborn pants and kept them on my desk so I could feel them and hold them. We explained to our daughter that there was a baby in Mama’s belly. When we eventually shared the news of our pregnancy with the world, my heart was bursting with happiness and gratitude – both for the child we were expecting and for the personal growth I’ve pushed myself towards in the wake of our loss.
Photograph by Courtney Ann Photography
I, of course, fought the fear of loss every day…until we welcomed our son Major in October 2016. Even during my third pregnancy in 2019, I still had moments of panic and wariness that my worst fear could once again come true, long after the four-month mark. I allowed myself those moments, and tried to breathe through them. When I was scared, I would speak to my third child, another boy: I would encourage him to stay with us, and tell him how much we are longing to hold him and to welcome him into our family.
As one of my favorite lines by poet Rumi estimates:
“There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.”
-Rumi
Update:
Writing this blog post almost four years ago was extremely cathartic for me, but also scary in so many ways. The feelings I was exploring within myself felt so complicated, and contrary to each other – and I carried them almost every day with so much loneliness. At the time, there weren’t many people talking about the ups and downs of miscarriage…and the long term effects that the devastation of miscarriage can have on subsequent pregnancies. I’m so glad that there is more of an openness now surrounding miscarriage and the feelings associated with it, but we still have so far to come in terms of opening this space to less stigma. I’m so grateful for the family that I have today, and I want to extend my deepest, open-hearted love and condolences to any family or person going through a miscarriage or pregnancy loss today. And the same for the individuals braving the landscape of pregnancy after loss. I hope you can find a little comfort in these words.
Thank you so much for sharing. I had a miscarriage the first time we were trying to conceive. I was about 11 weeks along and it was devastating. It took us 7 months to get pregnant again but it did. And on the exact day that I lost our first baby we found out we were having a little boy. Now our son just turned 1 and we hope to add to our family this year.
I can understand your concern.
Thank you Eva for sharing this all so openly and eloquently. I too experienced a miscarriage during my first pregnancy, at about 8 weeks. We had just shared the news with our families. It is a devastating loss that never goes away, despite the love and joy that does begin to exist again in life. It is emotionally and physically traumatic. There will always be an angel with my family, one that I think of often and pray for daily. In the days, weeks, months that followed, so many people opened up to me about their own experiences with such a loss and I am eternally grateful to them, as to you, for helping to make my experience less isolating. Thankfully, I now also have a living angel in my 10 month old daughter who is perfect in every way 🙂 The same feelings of loss, grief, fear and uncertainty plagued me during my second pregnancy, and I know how difficult it can be to get a grip on those feelings and then get through them. I admire you for sharing, adore your beautiful and growing family, and know that your angel with always be with you in spirit and thoughts, as mine is with us. <3
!What a beautiful, honest, heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing this . I look forward to following your blog , your content is always interesting and little Marlowe is the most adorable child.
You have no idea how much I needed to read this and be reminded that pregnancy is a joyous time!!!! I have been pregnant 5 times and have one child, a very active 7 year old boy!!! I have experienced the same type of miscarriage that you have and decided I’m done. I have one child and that is enough. And that decision was made simply because I was also scared this is what would happen every single time. Well fast forward 3 years and I decided I am strong enough to go through this journey and whatever it may hold. I became pregnant earlier this year and miscarried at 6 weeks on Easter weekend. I just found out Friday that I am pregnant again, imagine my surprise!!! My husband and I really didn’t think it would happen so soon. My emotions are all over the place but disbelief and fear are leading the charge unfortunately. I found out yesterday that this may be leftover from the last miscarriage and have to go back tomorrow for more blood work to find out if this is truly a new pregnancy. So fingers crossed!!!!! And like I said this is just what I needed to read today. So thank you for sharing your story. It has helped me to not be so fearful and try to be excited.
I pray everything is fine. God is love!
Oh Eva, thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed this reminder. You don’t forget and you don’t understand until you’ve been there. Embracing hopeful joy for a dear friend who just had two miscarriages within a year. Embracing hope and peace for myself as the window of opportunity is closing for me. Sending you peace, hope, and joy for your wee little man as he joins your family.
Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and son, filled with much love and hope for a bright future. XX
Poignant post, Eva – I have experienced two miscarriages myself, one in January 2014 before conceiving my daughter in March 2014, and again in January 2016 before conceiving my second baby in March 2016. The fact that it happened again a second time almost 2 years to the day was just…there are no words. But I’m stronger for it thanks to women like yourself who share their thoughts and feelings that reflect my own and I know that I am not alone. I was without any resources the first time around and I can’t even think back to that time without crumbling. This time I knew better – this is all too common and if I share my experience others would as well. Of course like you I found solace in women who had experienced loss before, and it made me resent those who couldn’t relate to me. But I remind myself that this is my journey and God will see me and my family through it.
I am wishing you all the best during this pregnancy!
I’m crying reading this remembering how scared I was when I got pregnant for the fourth time hoping this one would stay. I didn’t celebrate either. Every ultrasound I would calmly ask my doctor – is it alive? Every time I went to the bathroom and wiped fear would overcome me as I hoped with everything I had there would be no blood. I begged my baby to please stay. I remember being in the midst of horrible morning sickness thinking I was losing my baby and screaming – No! Don’t take this one too! We didn’t tell anyone until I was in my second trimester and even then it was only close family and a few SUPER close friends. I didn’t purchase anything, no nursery until about three weeks before my due date and no baby shower. I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy at all. I was completely controlled by fear.
I wish I had allowed myself the joy of what was happening. I had moments, but they were quickly washed away by fear.
I am so proud you are giving yourself permission to be happy, to celebrate, to share. The pain of loss will never go away. I will always wonder about my babies. But I look at my son in all his perfectness; 2 1/2 years old and full of the purest joy life has to offer and think – wow, what a miracle he’s here. And one day I will tell him about the three before him who sacrificed themselves so he could be here. Miscarriage is a profound experience that both breaks us and builds us back up is we allow it too.
Your journey is so special, full of sadness and pain, but also of the purest of joys. And I thank you with all my heart for sharing it and giving women like me comfort.
“And one day I will tell him about the three before him who sacrificed themselves so he could be here.”
Such a bad idea to word it that way. Odd way to think of their loss.
I understand your sentiment, Pam. Had you not lived through those painful losses and persevered, your son wouldn’t be here today. My story is very similar to yours, and I feel the same way when I am with my daughter. Congratulations on finally getting to hold your miracle baby!
I just wrote down that sentiment because I find it helpful. Thanks Pam! I’m struggling with enjoying THE IDEA of getting pregnant after miscarrying so this was helpful to me 🙂
I just wanted to say thank you for your message. I just experienced a miscarriage at 10 weeks also and it was all very tramatizing for me. I have a lot of fear now about having another child and experiencing this all over again. Reading what you said was exactly how I’ve been feeling and just really appreciated all you said. Thank you!
I was truly touched by your experience. After years of trying to get pregnant, I lost my first baby at 8 weeks. Somehow we got pregnant right away months later. I struggled with that fear that something was bound to go wrong the second time around. It took away from my ability to enjoy my pregnancy, I rarely allowed myself to be happy or plan ahead. I speak of it openly now because I don’t want to forget that little life. I know that so many can relate to your experience. Thank you for sharing and best wishes for a safe pregnancy and delivery.
Thank you for sharing your story and raising awareness. You capture so many of the fears and emotions that can go hand in hand with pregnancy after loss. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and the peace that comes with welcoming your rainbow baby.
Thank you for sharing. I only wish I had read this 14 years ago when I lost my two babies at 22 weeks. It took me two years to get pregnant again and I don’t think I enjoyed any of my pregnancies after. The one thing that had really helped me over the years is when I share my story with others or when I read others stories to know that I am not the only one helps every day
This is written so beautifully and remains opend the whole time. I have had two losses and am now 13 weeks pregnant, due in November. This is the furthest I’ve ever made it. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel the fear that you’re talking about. I try all the time to have faith and hope. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with the world in such a raw way. Congratulations on you baby boy. I look forward to being apart of your journey.
Thank you for sharing. I have had 10 miscarriages. I know two of them were girls. I will have quite a troop when I see them. I am sad that my time has passed for having my own child. I was told by my GYN if I had the wherewithal to withstand more losses that eventually I would have another baby, I kept going. I never had that second baby. The last I was pregnant with was a c-section pregnancy and the baby aborted on its own. I am sure it was a chromosomal issue. I have a 10 year old daughter now. She will not have that sisterly or brotherly love I got to experience. Nothing is guaranteed and I know this now. I went on to have Stage 0 breast cancer and can’t help but wonder if it was due to the back to back pregnancies and subsequent losses in a matter of four years straight. So enjoy each moment because now my favorite part of living is the everyday, nothing special going on times! ?
I love this entry Eva! I feel like you just summed up my entire past year. We welcomed our son two weeks ago and I still had that fear as I lay on the table for my csection. I’ve struggled to have a positive outlook the whole pregnancy and now that he’s here I get mad at myself that I let myself not enjoy my last pregnant experience. So good for you that you are moving past the fear! Thanks for being so open and candid and Kel and I are so excited for you guys!! Congrats!!
This post came at a perfect time. I am lying in bed on bed rest after an IVF transfer, Monday. Our daughters were born on the same day and we were pregnant with our second children at the same time and miscarried around the same point too, so your story really speaks to me and I hear everything you say. I have worked so hard to get to the IVF transfer and am already thinking it didn’t work because the dreadful emotion of fear is winning-yet again. You’re such an inspiration and am so glad you found the voice inside of you to kick fear in the A*&!!
Cheers to an uneventful, healthy pregnancy!
This post spoke volumes to me! I lost a child in Dec of 2014; at my first drs appointment I found out I had an ectopic pregnancy and had to be rushed to surgery. What broke my heart the most was knowing my baby had a heartbeat – yet I was signing paperwork in a rush to remove the pregnancy and ultimately had a tube removed as well. It was completely surreal. Still is. I’m now almost 19 weeks along with a baby girl (we also have a 3 yr old son) and I still find it difficult to ‘enjoy’ my pregnancy this time around and ‘relax’… because of the fear. Though all tests show she’s healthy there’s that ‘but what if’ that creeps up. So this post was a nice reminder to stop, breathe, and soak up every moment of this time with my girl – especially knowing this will be our last child. Thank you for sharing your heart and hope, as well as your fears. The honesty is refreshing!
Eva please forgive how strange this post will sound and I send it with such love and respect for you, your family and your honesty. Your new son will arrive carrying an essence of the child who passed on. This is a very special loving bond between souls and I know this can never hope to ease your loss I did want to share it with you. The strength of your love as a mother reaches further than you know. Thank you for being a bright light in this world.
My Dear Sweet Eva,
You are such a special woman. You are brave, beautiful, kind, loving, giving, talented and many other attributes….I know that you are a great mom to Marlowe, your baby in heaven and Baby Boy Martino. You and Kyle have shared the good, bad and not so pretty of your lives. You deserve to grieve through your pain when you need to and celebrate your joys too. Sending much love to all of you.
Love to all!
Zia Sue
Thank you, Eva. Your bravery in continuing to voice the thoughts of so many women in regard to infant loss makes me admire you even more. I too, like so many others here, lost my first baby boy at 20 weeks gestation this January. Unfortunately mine wasn’t a miscarriage- our boy had a lower urinary tract obstruction that couldn’t be fixed with fetal shunt surgery because his kidneys had already stopped working. A total fluke – nothing genetic. His nuchal and amniocentisis came back with flying colors. The only thing that was keeping me from bringing a live healthy baby boy into this big world, was a small obstruction. So I had to deliver. The first time I held my son was in a paper bag with his little ashes. Moving past this heartache was so difficult, because for a while, my breasts leaked for a baby that I could never feed. I thought I did everything right- didn’t eat deli meats/non pasteurized cheese, didn’t use a ton of fragrance- dye my hair, took all my vitamins, etc. So why, when I ‘played by the rules,’ did I have to lose my baby?
Since that unspeakably devastating loss, my views of pregnancy and delivery have been tainted. The joy in finding out others were pregnant, watching expectant moms talk about their symptoms during the first trimester – I constantly thought, “How naiive..nothing is guaranteed. Guard yourself.” Even when I heard your announcement of having a boy, I cringed inside with the thought of the possible pain you could endure.
The idea of getting pregnant again has terrified me, but after talking with other women who have gone through this extreme loss and insurmountable pain – I realized that just like you, I can overcome. We women are so much stronger than we could ever realize. Living in fear is never the way to lead a happy and fulfilling life. The greatest thing my doctor said was, ‘You will never be the same person that you were before. So its not fair to look back and try to compare. This is how you learn to look forward.’
So looking forward… to watching your beautiful family enjoy every part of this sweet boy. I am so happy for you and the new joy you feel..truly. He will be so loved. <3
So now, I can't wait to one day hold a healthy newborn against my chest.
Thank you Eva, from the bottom of my heart. I stand tall and proud with you and all of the other mothers who have experienced loss. <3 'Whether you hold your child in your arms, or in your heart – you are still a mom.'
XO
Kara
Eva,
Beautiful post as always and so honest. I have never lost a child so I can’t imagine what that would feel like but when my first daughter was born she spent her first four days in the NICU. I remember talking with my husband when we decided to try again and being TERRIFIED that I would go through it all again. I didn’t think I could handle it but I did the same thing you did – I let go the fear to the extent that I could and enjoyed the little things about being pregnant again. I’m happy to say my girl was born (8 days late, little stinker) perfectly healthy. I think about you, Kyle, Lowie and the new baby all the time and pray that all goes well and your son arrives to all the love you can give him.
Very excited for you and truly appreciating your honesty,
Cat
What a beautiful post, Eva. My daughter in law had two back to back miscarriages after 7 years of infertility and when she got pregnant thru IVF the 3rd time, we all were very cautiously excited. Like you, we were all afraid to be excited but as the pregnancy went further and further along we relaxed along the way and enjoyed every moment. Life is unpredictable always and all we have is the present – which is something we all learned thru this. Sending love to you and your family! xxoo
Thank you Eva, for sharing your journey. Both of my pregnancies (14 and 10 years ago!) started out very precariously, so I was fearful throughout. I understand your worries, and feel for you as you proceed through the myriad of emotions that come to pass each day you spend during this pregnancy.
When I was pregnant, I remember thinking a lot about mothers and their pregnancies 100’s of years ago, when it was so very dangerous for both mother and baby. I am a teacher and while preparing a lesson for my students studying Navajo traditions, I read about one of the rituals they follow when new babies are born into the tribe. They believe when babies are born they are of two worlds: the spirit people and the earth people. They wait and listen for the baby’s first laugh, because they believe that is when the baby fully leaves the spiritual world and joins the earthly world… they have a big party and celebrate.
I just mean to say, that you share the same fears of mothers from the beginning of time, and I don’t know if that comforts you, knowing you’re not alone in your worries. It’s hard to step out of the shadow of the fear and embrace the warmth that comes from the joy of this new life. I am still struck with paralyzing fear sometimes, looking at my children even now, at the ages that they are. I guess it makes motherhood all the more miraculous: not only surviving the delivery, and the different stages of growth… but the whole entire journey of motherhood even through adulthood. I imagine your own mother suffered along with you in your grief, and had to survive that right along with you.
Anyway, this is terribly long… so sorry. Thank you again for creating this dialogue and shedding light on a topic often left in the shadows of grief and shame.
Blessings to you and yours.
Thank you for this article. I just lost my baby on Monday and had a D & C yesterday. Though the ” it wasn’t meant to be” comments are in good heart it won’t make the feeling of wanting “this” baby go away. I can’t even fathom of going through this again and am already terrified of the thought of getting pregnant again. Your article gives me hope. Thank you.
This was such a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your story. I too suffered a miscarriage at about 7 weeks and it took months to recover from the surgery after complications. I don’t think I even processed the loss and have never actually spoken to anybody about it even though I feel the pain of it to this day. I am thrilled to say I’m 11 weeks pregnant. It’s exciting and scary all at once. It’s a daily struggle not to be overcome by fear. I’m sorry for your loss and for all you ladies experiencing or have experienced similar issues. <3
I held my breath through both my pregnancies, waiting for bad news. I thought, irrationally, that because I wanted them so much, something would stand in my way. Then I realized nothing is guaranteed, not when they are growing inside us, not when they are born, and not as the grow up. We just have to try our hardest to live in the moment and enjoy what we have while we have it. I wish you a healthy, happy, and peaceful pregnancy! There’s nothing like this love, right? It’s so wonderful, scary, powerful, amazing, and all-consuming, but we aren’t alone in feeling it. 🙂
Thank you for this post. We suffered a second trimester loss on 4/26/16. Our third daughter Vivian Rose passed away a few weeks prior to our 20 week ultrasound and somehow my body did not tell me. That was the worst moment of my life, learning at the ultrasound that our daughter, hopes, dreams, little sister, was gone. I delivered her the next day and cried as I held her for what seemed like not enough time. I counted her tiny fingers and toes and Charished every second that I could. We had a small funeral for her the following week, which gave a small amount of closure. These last two weeks have been so painful and I feel so lost. When I talk with my Husband about trying again, I feel hope and then an intense sadness and anxiety. I wonder how I could ever manage to allow myself to ” experience” another pregnancy, and even more …another loss. Reading this brought me to tears but gives me hope that I can feel a sense of hope for the future of growing our family. I also agree so much with you on the isolation you feel when talking to people who have not been through this. It is an extremely lonely experience. Best wishes for your family.
When I commented on your post on Instagram I had not yet read your article. I was scared to. I’ve been trying to get a hold of my feelings lately, not let them explode so much. So I was scared to read your article, not sure I’d be able to get through it. Finally this morning, I did. I read it with my coffee in my favourite mug. Everything you’ve described is something I’ve felt. My husband and I were married in May 2014, in January 2015 we said ok, this is the right time to try. Finally in September 2015 we saw a positive pregnancy test. It was 4am and I was so excited! I told fair number of people, but all of them would be people I’d want around me if something went wrong. I said that at the time. I tracked my baby’s development with apps, and books. I took note of how I was feeling–which was fine. No symptoms what so ever, which worried me. I expressed to some of my mom friends that I thought it odd that I felt find. They either assured me I was lucky or ‘oh just wait it will hit you’. So I waited. On a Sunday, I knew for sure something was wrong. The Monday I went to my doctor, she set me up with an ultrasound, I was 10 weeks. Our little one had left us at 8 weeks. I had dared myself to buy a onezie. I’d knit bonnets and sweaters and socks. Now I had to tell people that it wasn’t going to happen. My husband stayed right by my side as I went through the miscarriage and just held me close. We are now trying again, but I still feel the emotional pain. Like you, I find it creeps into everything. I had a really good and successful day yesterday, but still it was tinged. It’s hard to hear that girlfriends are getting pregnant. It’s hard to still explain to the random person who somehow knew that I’d been pregnant, that I am actually not (this happened just a few days ago). I was wished a Happy Mother’s Day, I waited til I was alone with my husband and sobbed (we do have two dogs, and two horses so that’s probably what they meant when they said it). I think I’m getting better, sometimes I’m not so sure. It’s really hard for me to be open about it, coz it’s easier for me to stuff it down and pretend to smile. But I’m getting better and saying that I’m hurting. I guess me saying this so publicly is part of being open. Thank you for listening. I’m going to go get some kleenex now.
Your post was like someone was reading my inner most thoughts. I suffered the same type of miscarriage as you. I was so resentful after the miscarriage of my first baby. I didn’t want to cheer up because my sadness made everyone else around me uncomfortable. I felt so isolated and like no one understood me. Reading your post made me feel like someone knew exactly what I was, and still am going through.
I have a beautiful daughter now (14 months) and she is the center of my universe, but it still doesn’t stop me from missing my other baby.
You’re an inspiration to all. Choosing love over fear, while also acknowledging that you’re allowed to feel whatever you want to feel at a particular moment.
Thank you for sharing your story. Lots of love and best wishes for your new bundle and family during this happy time!
First and foremost, congratulations on your growing family!! It must have taken an exceptional amount of hope and courage to push the fear aside and try again.
Like you, I have also experienced the devastation of miscarriage. There are so many layers to it… Profound sadness, isolation, pure rage, endless questions about what’s next… It’s a lot to process and it never truly leaves you. But it does get easier.
In my case, I unfortunately didn’t get a second chance. My d&c came with severe complications and resulted in an emergency hysterectomy. It was the worst day of my life. However, prior to the misscarriage, I had been blessed with two beautiful, kind, and wild(!!) boys whom I love to the moon and back. They kept me going when I felt like the grief would swallow me whole. They saved me!!
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wonder what would have been, but the experience has also made extrodinarily grateful for my family and that I get to spend every day doing my favorite job: being a mom.
Mommyhood is sooo hard, but sooo worth it all!
Xoxo
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of strength and courage to open your heart again as you have. I’m still not quite there. I’m currently 11 weeks pregnant. Last October, at 14 weeks, I lost my baby. I found out I was pregnant again shortly after my first child was born and unexpected; we were in shock. It took some getting used to that were were going to have another baby and very close in age to our first. I grieved not knowing what was in store. The guilt of this grief will never leave me. On a Friday morning at work, I started spotting. I called my midwife and got in that day to see what was going on. At about 2 pm that afternoon I was looking at the ultrasound screen at a strong heartbeat and bouncing baby. I got the “all-clear” – baby was fine. That evening I went to bed reassured. At about 12 am, I woke up with pain in my lower pelvis. I was sure I was suffering from a severe UTI and decided to head to the emergency room. I went to the bathroom and suddenly felt the urge to push. I couldn’t look, I wouldn’t let my husband look. I prayed on the way to the hospital. Fours hours later after ultrasounds, blood tests, etc. I was told “Your uterus is empty, I’m sorry.” The physical and emotional healing has been long and hard. With my strong faith in God, I quickly found hope in Him. My husband had a harder time.
We couldn’t be happier, although cautiously, to be expecting another child. We just started talking about the baby and what the future will be like as a family of four. But I have a hard time letting myself get too excited. I don’t know if or when the fear will go away. I can only hope to find the peace and uninhibited joy that you have. Thank you for creating a place for myself and others to share our stories.
Thank you so much for putting into words exactly how I have felt too! I unexpectedly discovered I was pregnant with my 4th in July 2014. It took a while to sink in, but I fell madly in love with the little live growing inside me. I went to a routine check up at 16.5 weeks and they could not find a heartbeat. I was sent for an emergency ultrasound to discover that my sweet baby had died somewhere between 10-14 days prior. I delivered my sleeping boy 4 days later. We had a funeral and a burial in a cemetery. My little guy is buried alongside my grandfather, where I felt he’d be safe.
I am now 27 weeks along with my rainbow baby, another little boy. I wasn’t sure how I felt about having another boy. I did not want to feel like I was replacing my son. I have been crippled by fear at the most unexpected moments. Any twinge that doesn’t feel right or if he’s not moving when I think he should, I feel frozen. Its a fine line to walk between excited and fearful when you’re pregnant after loss. No one can possibly understand unless they’ve been through it too. When people ask how many kids I have, I always answer “5”. I know the look of confusion on their faces when they see my three kids and my pregnant belly. They feel bad and I’m sure awkward when I explain. But I don’t care. My son existed and deserves to be counted as my child. Thank you so much for your heartfelt openness.
” I realized in that moment, and in the thousands of moments afterwards, that there is absolutely nothing special about my own hopes and dreams– that they are and always have been as delicate and vulnerable as the next person’s. ”
These words resonate so clearly with me. Not only related to miscarriage but coping in general with loss. I’ve never read it captured quite like this but it is bang-on accurate. That feeling of having the carpet pulled out from under you is definitely fear-inducing. Rising above that fear is very difficult but empowering. Thank you for sharing.
Hi, I hope this question will not detract from the very important and beautiful post you have written about your miscarriage (I too, am in this group and what was drawn to your post), but can I please ask where you got the adorable froggie booties? I crochet and would absolutely love to make a pair. Thank you so much 🙂
Hello Eva,
Things for you with your pregnancy, I feel will be fine. You have a quality man who is there for you, with the foundation of friendship, with the comfort, stability with the humble joys, that the day to day family life provides, with your parents, siblings, there for you.
For me it is observing in our society, with many people, the inability to invest in the positive, productive patterns, of individuals.
Since I discovered the Oxford Etymological dictionary, finding out the true foundational meaning of words has been humbly beneficial for me. Most of the words we use each day such as friendship, partnership, acquaintanceship, the word ‘ship’ at the end, its an admiralty term, for shipping.
What is the quality of the goods of ourself, that we are shipping to each other?
What are the quality of the dry food goods we send to each other, the fruits of the self?
If our lives were a fruit orchard, that each one of us with our friendship, as well as family teams, maintain together, what would be the quality of that orchard?
Humbly that is me sharing an analogy about choosing whom we share the “company” of our “business” .
If only more people were not afraid to discuss and collect mentors for their real dreams, not what someone else, or society tells you what your dreams should be.
Eva, I am so happy that your husband is that man that you need, there is probably a bit of the poet Rumi in him.
I had not heard of Rumi, thank you for sharing your story, about the pain of your miscarriage. I cannot imagine the level of loss, when a woman miscarries.
At least we live in an age, where it is very safe for most women to birth children, where in the past, both the child as well as the mothers life had a significant chance of not surviving, at least we can all be thankful for that.
The boy of yours with Kyle will be amazing. It will be neat when the time is right, for you to share it with us folks who sincerely care, here at your superior blog.
Here is a foundational look at Rumi, who he was as well as what his path to god was.
(more at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumi )
“Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī (Persian: جلالالدین محمد رومی), also known as Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Balkhī (جلالالدین محمد بلخى), Mawlānā/Mevlânâ (مولانا, “our master”), Mevlevî/Mawlawī (مولوی, “my master”), and more popularly simply as Rumi (1207 – 17 December 1273), was a 13th-century Persian[1][8] poet, jurist, Islamic scholar, theologian, and Sufi mystic.[9] Rumi’s influence transcends national borders and ethnic divisions: Iranians, Tajiks, Turks, Greeks, Pashtuns, other Central Asian Muslims, and the Muslims of South Asia have greatly appreciated his spiritual legacy for the past seven centuries.[10] His poems have been widely translated into many of the world’s languages and transposed into various formats. Rumi has been described as the “most popular poet”[11] and the “best selling poet” in the United States.[12][13]”
“Rumi believed passionately in the use of music, poetry and dance as a path for reaching God. For Rumi, music helped devotees to focus their whole being on the divine and to do this so intensely that the soul was both destroyed and resurrected. It was from these ideas that the practice of whirling Dervishes developed into a ritual form. His teachings became the base for the order of the Mevlevi, which his son Sultan Walad organised. Rumi encouraged Sama, listening to music and turning or doing the sacred dance. In the Mevlevi tradition, samāʿ represents a mystical journey of spiritual ascent through mind and love to the Perfect One. In this journey, the seeker symbolically turns towards the truth, grows through love, abandons the ego, finds the truth and arrives at the Perfect. The seeker then returns from this spiritual journey, with greater maturity, to love and to be of service to the whole of creation without discrimination with regard to beliefs, races, classes and nations.”
Eva, thanks for sharing your gifts here at your blog, you are appreciated.
Greg Fillmore
Thank you for writing this!! It touched me in a very personal way. I am currently 13 weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby after a miscarriage at 9 weeks nearly two years ago. I struggle every day with letting go of the fear of something going wrong and cherishing the moments of this pregnancy. I hold my breath at every appointment that we will hear the beloved heartbeat. You have encouraged me to continue to release my fear and feel the love grow for our little blessing.
Thank you Eva for your story. When I saw it on Facebook, with a picture of your Mom, I thought back to my own miscarriage. …it was almost 40 years ago! June 2, 1976…I was 12 weeks into my pregnancy. I just flashed back on what I went through all those years ago. I heard “you weren’t that far along”, “you can always have another baby”, and “it wasn’t really a baby yet”, and of course, “it was meant to be.”
The majority would say “something was wrong with the baby” …this one actually helped me get through the grieving process.
Because it was so long ago, ultrasounds weren’t common and only done, if you were at high risk!
I never knew whether it was a boy or a girl.
After I miscarried, I had to go to the Hosp. for a D&C. The policy of the Hosp., after surgery, was to put me in the maternity ward of the hospital. Of course, I could hear babies crying throughout the night. I cried & cried all night long!
During the D & C, I was given a Spinal, without any knowledge of the severe headache to follow if I didn’t stay in bed. I felt that I had to get on with my life, so was up the day after…boy, was I ever sick! Needless to say, I wrote the hospital a scathing letter about their policy of putting women who had just miscarried…in the maternity ward. I also complained that I never received any information about the follow-up of having a spinal!
Good news…I had a healthy baby boy the following summer on July 4, 1977. He will be 39 this year! I also have 2 adopted daughters, a stepson & 13 grandchildren! They are the joys of my life!
Enjoy your life, you have a whole wonderful world ahead of you!
I am so grateful to have come across this blog post. I can relate on so many different levels but I find myself feeling alone in my feelings as they stay tucked away from the world and everyone around me. I have experienced two losses well into the second trimester of pregnancy and I am still greatly mourning the loss of my sons. My husband and I bravely decided to try one more time as we feared we may wonder what could have been if we didn’t. So here I am 13 weeks pregnant with twins and hardly enjoying these incredible miracles I have been blessed with. Thank you so much for writing this and telling women like me that it’s OK to be both fearful and joyous during pregnancy after loss. I am feeling shameful for not allowing myself to connect more with my two babies, but it’s time to let go and fully enjoy these miracles I have been given. This was truly life changing for me. Thank you again for being such an inspiration!
What a beautiful, brave piece to share and a sweet way to honor your lost love’s memory. Wishing you and your family a happy, healthy road ahead!
As I sit here teary eyed at my desk, I absolutely must express my gratitude for your article. I’m currently at the end of my two week wait and am having all of the anxiety you just expressed. I’m scared, nervous and anxious all at the same time. We’ve had two miscarriages in the past and not a successful pregnancy yet, so the thought of taking my test soon is daunting. You’re right – we have two choices and I choose Hope. I know within my heart of hearts that one day this will work out. And it will be however God intends. In the meantime, I have Hope. Thank you again, Eva. This is just what I needed.
Thank you so much for speaking out about this. I had the exact same experience last year and now have a beautiful son, my miracle, my second child. But the pain is still here.
Lots of people relate with this, clearly. As do I. I have suffered both a first trimester and a second trimester loss. I’m currently pregnant and have made it as far as the third trimester. I was so filled with fear right up until 17 weeks when I started to feel movement. What a relief! I hated not being able to feel excited, but I couldn’t seem to help it! I just did my best to stay busy because if I stopped and thought about things I would be completely overloaded with questions and fear. I am fully aware that even now I am not guaranteed a live baby in the end, but at least now that I can feel movement I have a good way of knowing if he’s okay. Ugh. This mothering thing is so emotionally loaded. I’m really grateful to be a mother, but it is hard in so many ways. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this very hard-to-talk-about subject. It does help tremendously to be validated in your feelings, knowing that others have felt it to.
Thank you for sharing. I have a 3 year old daughter and my husband and I decided in Feb 2015 to add to our family. Last May, we lost our son, William, at 6 weeks. Then in December, we lost our son, Luke, at 20 weeks, after discovering that he had anencephaly. It was absolutely devastating. Just 2 weeks ago, we found out that we are pregnant again. After finding out, I had such mixed feelings that I just felt numb. I couldn’t let myself get excited. I let myself feel that for 24 hours, until I reminded myself that refusing to enjoy this pregnancy will not make the pain of loss hurt less, if a loss occurs. And my son or daughter doesn’t deserve to grow up surrounded by my negativity. So, I’m 6 weeks and filled with hopeful, longing dreams for our future. Only God knows what will happen. All I know is that negativity robs me of enjoying what could be a perfect pregnancy. With positivity, I lose nothing and I gain peace, love and joy.
Eva, thank you for posting such an incredible, brave post. It’s so sad that there is so much stigma associated with pregnancy loss. In December I found out that I was pregnant with our first child and 10 weeks later he was gone. I felt so much anger (I couldn’t figure out who to be angry at so I just decided on myself), fear, and sadness. I just wanted to dissolve and never be seen again. I hated anyone who I saw was pregnant and just wanted to be pregnant again so badly. My husband and I are trying again, and we are hoping for some good news soon. Thank you again for sharing such a beautiful story and for giving me hope.
Eva, thank you for sharing your pain. As you can see there are many woman who have walked your path and we understand. I miscarried my second baby as well, but got pregnant about two months after my D&C. I have my two children and couldn’t be happier. My kids are older, son is 14 and daughter is 11, and they know that I lost a baby. Just the other day my daughter brought up the subject. She and my son, when they were still little talked about the brother they lost. I wasn’t far enough along but they’ve always said it was a boy. When she brought it up a few days ago, she said “mom, wouldn’t it be cool if we had three kids” and I told her that no, it wouldn’t because if I hadn’t miscarried then we would not have had her and I can’t imagine my life without her. She looked at me and said “what if I was that baby and God decided it wasn’t the right time for me to be here and brought me back for a few months” and that made me smile. The depths of love that I have for my two children are amazing and you will feel this love as well. One day the pain will fade but your memory of that baby won’t so cherish it. The hospital where I had my D&C gave a little gift to us. I can’t remember all the things in the remembrance box but I did keep the tiny, tiny gold ring. I have it in my jewelry case and it is a small reminder, just for me and no one else.
Thank you for Sharing your story. I myself am a mother of 3 beautiful children and was overjoyed when we learned we were expecting number 4. I went in for my monthly checkup at almost 20 weeks and was extremely nervous as I hadn’t felt any movement but was placenta anterior so knew that it was common to not feel movement due to the placenta being in front. It was at that appt that I didn’t hear the heartbeat and was absolutely devastated. My dr assured me that he could not confirm anything as due to the positioning of the placenta baby could just be behind. So we went for an ultrasound and at that dreaded appt they confirmed that our precious baby was in fact gone and had passed at 13 weeks 3 days just a few days after my very first ultrasound. This all happened very recently just a week or so ago and it has been extremely difficult. I was not able to have a d and c immediately so had to wait an additional week before we could have that done. Needless to say it has been an extremely difficult time and my kids were very sad but are very hopeful that the next baby will be alright. It has been very difficult to hear that however I do find it comforting as well since my beautiful kids still acknowledge that their brother/sister is in Heaven and that someday we may be blessed with another. But as I continue to heal the fear has already begun to creep in and pollute my thoughts as I do worry that if we are blessed with another child that we may experience the same loss and heartache. But after reading all of these beautiful mothers posts about their journey it gives me great hope that I too will have another happy ending and will complete my family with 4 beautiful children and one Angel that will forever hold a special place in our hearts. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for your story. We are now 14 weeks pregnant after our miscarriage last December, and while I have told a few people about the good news – I haven’t REALLY opened up my heart to this new pregnancy. Your words remind me that hope and joy – in any journey – is a wonderful part of life. Perhaps my tears will open my heart to celebrate what should be a delightful arrival this coming November. Thank you Eva and thank you all for your sharing, Lucas
Hi Eva, I came across this post while looking for places to share my story. I have been pregnant again and while I didn’t fear another loss it did happen.
I really hope that your story has a better ending and am hopeful that it will. Mine is going ok, childless but happy, most of the time.
It’s all here anyway…https://medium.com/@mellgcon/miscarriage-for-want-of-a-better-word-bdc5655ddd44#.xtbg9b72z
Thank you for sharing, more of us need to talk about this. Everybody needs to talk and share more. Lots of love, Mel xx
Beautiful post. I lost my first born in March at 27 weeks. There is truly no “safe” point in pregnancy. The loss is all encompassing. I am currently 6 weeks pregnant and I am having a hard time balancing the joy and then guilt and grief. It is very comforting to know that I am not the only one. That feeling love and joy for this baby is not forgetting our first born.
Hello. I’m just checking with you. Are you still having a good pregnancy I wish you all the best!
Thank you for sharing your story. Everything you said was completely 100% how I felt when I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks it was the most devastating event in my life if it weren’t for my son who was 3 at the time I don’t know if I ever would of gotten out of bed. When I got pregnant again I told no one until I was almost 6 months along. I was scared every single day. I wa a considered high risk and had ultra sounds almost weekly and every time I was riddled with fear that there would be no heart beat. I was even scared until the moment my Beautiful Julianna Rose was born the minute she was put in my arms I finally felt relief. It’s been 14 years now and I still think back to my miscarriage. Of course I still have fears for my children they are now 14 and 20 but as you will see as your children grow. moms alaways worry about their babies big and small.
All my best to you much love Jen
Thank you so much for sharing your raw story. My husband and I just lost our baby last weekend, and I have been scrounging for anyone that will simply be real about it. Not the fluffy and almost insensitive “time will heal” or “at least you were only 7 weeks”. My doctor advised us to wait at least two months before trying again, and I have to say I have been struggling with the same emotions of fear stopping me from even wanting to try. You really brought some light to my day, and gave me hope. Which is just about all you can ask for after something like this.
God bless,
Bri
I know you’ve received so many responses but I had to post a thank you. A week ago had a D&C- it was my third loss. In between I had the joy of having a beautiful daughter, who is now 20 months old. Every loss has been great, but this one especially so because of the pregnancy symptoms experienced throughout the 10 weeks I carried our child. And the miserable 2 weeks after the D&C where I was constantly reminded of our loss. I’m very private, tend to keep my emotions close. But came across your post today and knew I needed to share my experience. Miscarriages are lonely. Your spouse doesn’t know what you’re going through, as badly as he may want to. Friends who haven’t experienced the loss of a child may be supportive but it’s so hard to relate to the experience unless you’ve gone through it. By posting your article, I’ve opened my heart to the possibility that I can find someone who I can talk to through this. Thank you for being vulnerable. Much
Love.
Thank you for sharing all your experiences, inspiring and truly heartfelt and i can completely relate to so many of your experienes. I too had a miscarriage (at 12 weeks) with our 2nd child 6 months ago after the removal of one my ovaries, and learning i have alot of scar tissue following a csection 4 1/2 years ago. My husband and i would love to try again however i still feel so anxious that things will go terribly wrong again and how i would cope again with devastating news. Your words and inspiration have offered much comfort that miracles can happen. Thank you and wishing you all the best for you and your dear families xxx
I really appreciate this article and the comments. My husband and I lost our baby girl about 2 weeks ago on july 6th. I was 27 weeks pregnant. The pain is immeasurable but I know with the support of our family and with faith we will make it through.
Wishing good cheer to you all.
Xo
My mom had a miscarriage last year around Christmas Eve, she was almost two months. My question is will she ever have another baby she said that she wants to but I’m scared. What if she has another miscarriage? What are the chances of that,? Are they high!? I just wanted to ask if it’s common to have a healthy baby after a miscarriage and also to say thank you for posting that when my mom had her miscarriage she was so sad and didn’t really express her feelings because they were too painful this post really helped me understand what she went through so agian thank you.?
I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom’s miscarriage and the loss for you and your family. It’s such a hard thing to go through for everyone.
While I’m not a doctor, I can tell you that I know many people who have gone on to have a healthy baby after a miscarriage. I also know people who have had a couple of miscarriages (or more) before conceiving their healthy child. The truth is that everyone’s fertility journey is different. It’s important to talk to the doctor about the best ways to prepare for a healthy pregnancy and then to keep an open mind and a full heart during each pregnancy if possible. It’s a very hard thing to be pregnant after a miscarriage because it can be very scary and emotional for the pregnant Mama– your Mom will definitely need all your support the next time around. You’re so kind to think about your Mom and what she’s going through and I’m sure you will be a great source of support for her!
Wishing your Mom the best of luck on her pregnancy journey!
xx
EAM
Thank you so much for your article, I recently had a missed – miscarriage at 17 weeks. I could truly relate with the feeling of great loss.
Your article gave me hope. Thank-you! Best wishes to you and your baby!
Hi! I came across your blog from an Instagram rabbit hole and can I just say, it’s been a breath of fresh air! Thank you for this beautifully written piece and sharing your feelings with an absolute stranger like me. I too have experienced loss, my boy at 20 weeks, and I couldn’t agree more with those emotions and actions. You are spot on and not alone. Thanks again for this post, it was just what I needed today.
Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you have written here. My husband and I lost our first child at 6 weeks in May. And I have felt everything you have put into words.
Thank you so much for your story. I am just now surviving my second miscarriage. I have one healthy, perfect 8-year-old boy from my previous marriage, but now that my husband and love of my life want to expand our family we have had two very devastating losses in a row. I found myself crying in a children’s clothing store shopping for my baby nephew just a few days ago, and I realized that I am protecting myself from commitment just as you so eloquently explained. I hope I can keep your story in mind as we think about trying again. Thank you for your un-shielded honesty.
I came searching for someone to help shine the light at the end of this tunnel and I found it in your words. I found out yesterday I lost my baby at 9 weeks and quickly had the D&C today. Roller coaster of emotions is an understatement but I know we’ll be okay. So many fears and uncertainties going through my mind constantly, a pregnancy after a miscarriage is one of them. Thank you for teaching me that lesson so soon. People need to talk more about this. I plan on sharing my story just like you shared your in hopes it helps even one person see the light.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I just posted my comment as well
I’m so terribly sorry for your loss, Kelly. The experience is devastating and I personally felt very shell shocked at first, which was followed by a deeper sadness. Please know that any feelings you have about your loss are totally normal and understandable. Try to go easy on yourself. Wishing you healing and happiness
xo
EAM
Hello! Thank you all for your testimonies .. I fell pregnant February of 2016 and by March 12, 2016 I had miscarried my baby. It would have been our first baby and we have been trying since with no luck. It’s absolutely heart breaking as each month comes and goes and I have a period. My biggest worry is I had a d and c and what if I can’t have kids or get pregnant now? My cycles are now roughly 40 days and my period last 7 days. We are going to try ovulation sticks this month and TRY but if there is no luck I plan to see a specialist next month. Again thank you all. I have no one to talk to about this.
-Kenzi
I’m so sorry for your loss, Kenzi. I’m proud of you for reaching out in your darkest moment and I hope you get all the answers you deserve, as well as a happy ending!! Furthering the conversation around pregnancy loss is the first step in healing all those who are affected. Big hugs
xoxo
EAM
this was extremely helpful. sharing this perspective on pregnancy and the bonds we form sheds light to blessings God awards us. i know God has a glorious plan for the new baby. trust in him, remember we are created in the image of god. how wonderful is he that can do thee impossible. enjoy life, remember to take breaks and laugh more. the baby feels safe with his mother. you will have a great birth and i wish you health for you and the baby.
Omg , thanks for sharing your story I was 19 weeks and 7 days when I had my miscarriage and here it is 7 months now and me and boyfriend are trying every chance we get . This really encourage me that there is hope .
Thank you for sharing. I’m so devastated right now because my doctor told me to be prepared for a miscarriage and it’s so hard. I should be 8 weeks today. I can’t stop crying and so upset about these other women who really don’t deserve a child. The worst part hasn’t happened yet, I haven’t passed. I always want to hold on to hope, but I don’t want another heart break.
Jessie,
I want you to speak victory over yourself and your baby. Only God has the last say so as in what happens to your baby. I total understand your frustration because I to get upset about how women who don’t even try or don’t have the right “tools” in our opinions to have a child but, Jessie you have to remember one thing you are a strong woman. Ive learn that God wanted to strengthen my relationship and faith in him after my miscarriage and it has helped me get through it. Yes it’s hard but as of right now we not going to let that doctor still your joy. Dear Lord, I pray right now that Jessie and her baby will be covered in your blood. That we have the victory in this situation. We claim right now that Jessie will bring this baby to term and enjoy your blessing. Lord whatever you have for her life strengthen her and build her up right now. Its already done. Thank you Jesus. Amen
I hope this encourages you!
Thank you for your amazing story! I had a miscarriage at the end of May of this year and it broke my heart completely. I can relate to you as in holding your daughter without trembling. It was some days where I couldn’t look at my daughter because I felt like I let her down because she’s at the age where babies interests her and I felt like I failed as to given her a sibling and as a mom. But I can say that God has truly changed my insight on my miscarriage. I have hope and faith that I will get pregnant again and yes there are times where I do get discourage and sad about it but I just remember that it will happen in due time. Me and my husband are currently trying again so hopefully soon we can have our rainbow baby! Thanks again!
Thank you for your honest post. I hope this finds you very close to welcoming your baby into your arms! I miscarried at 8 weeks back in February. It was our first. I just found out I am pregnant again and am really struggling with the fear, myself. I want to choose hope, as you said. When I think ahead to the months to come, I don’t want to fear each day. I want to be happy and excited with my husband. Thank you for sharing your story. God bless you and your family.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I miscarried at nine weeks, two months ago. My first thought after the procedure was “I hope everyone I know has a healthy pregnancy and no one has to go through this”. Even though I am happy for my friends and co-workers, it is like a punch in the stomach every time I hear of a new pregnancy. I currently have six pregnant coworkers. Two due within two weeks of my due date. It’s hard. My biggest fear is this happening again, or not having the ability to get pregnant (it happened really fast the first time). Your writing resonated with me. I need to remember to be happy and enjoy every moment if I am lucky enough to become pregnant again. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing your story it was very inspiring. I miscarried at 8 weeks on Easter weekend last year; my husband and I were so excited for our first born. It was a very painful experience and I don’t normally share my story publicly as it’s still very hurtful to talk about. I found out I had a fibroid and removed it in February so hopefully this is our year to get pregnant again.
I know it will be frightening at times because trying to conceive is already frustrating but I put my trust in God! All the best to the ladies on this journey we all understand each other’s pain
I found this post after returning home from my ultrasound appointment confirming that my miscarriage is complete. You have summed up how I feel so well. I am not excited to try again. THIS was my baby, I don’t want another one. And I’m scared. I just don’t want to go through this again.
I appreciate your honesty talking about not feeling joy at your next pregnancy. That’s what I’m afraid of… i feel like this experience will rob my husband and I of excitement and joy in our next pregnancy.
But that’s how life and love is… We have to be open to having our hearts broken to experience true love. I think it’s just important to remember that it’s ok to mourn our lost babies. They will not be replaced or forgotten. In my case this baby will always be my first baby. Even though I was only pregnant for 8 weeks and never met my baby. I talked to her and felt her presence inside me during that too brief time. (I just always felt like she was a girl so that’s how I remember her).
There’s always going to be something to be afraid of…. But we will lose more if we don’t take those risks.
Thank you for your post. It’s so hard to express my feelings to others who have not experienced a loss like this. It’s so helpful to write this and get my feelings out into the open.
I wish you and your family the best!!
I found out in April that my husband and I would be expecting our first child and we were so overly excited. Everything thing went great we heard the babies strong healthy heartbeat. Then the night of my birthday in May I had a little brown discharge I called the doctor and they assured me things were fine. That next Monday I went to the doctor for my 12 week check up and they informed me that there was no heartbeat. It was the most horrible thing in the world and i felt like I was in a bad dream. It has been the hardest 4 months of my life. Well 2 weeks ago we found out that we are expecting our second baby. The emotions I have felt have been from so excited to terrified. I never imagined that there would be so many mixed emotions. The way you explained this in your post is so true. It is nice to know those feelings are not felt by just me. Thank you so much for this.
Hi Eva,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You obviously give such a strong voice for so many women and their similar experiences.
I miscarried over three years ago, and have since not been pregnant, but the experience of loss has lead me into a powerful point of transformation and healing! It actually took me three full years to come to terms with my loss (and the break up from the partner I conceived with), but when I did, I was able to move through grief in such a powerful way! I went deep into my pain, my fears, my isolation, and came out the other side totally transformed. My experience led me into bringing this to the forefront of my work as a Therapeutic Arts Practitioner (Expressive Arts Therapist). I now support other women who have experienced miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth and neonatal loss, and feel honoured to share of my experience in a healing way.
Thank you for bringing so much encouragement to this world through your story as well!
Between this article and the comments, I just went through a half a box of tissues. It’s 3 am my time, I am up for the 500th bathroom trip, with my husband sleeping peacefully next to me. I had spent the last restless hour online looking up statistics on recurring miscarriage, before stumbling upon this.
My husband and I got married in Sept. 2014. We weren’t planning on trying for kids right away, but as part of an effort to lead a Catholic marriage, I had stopped contraception and was using the rhythm method. Four short months later, I found out I was pregnant. Both my husband and I come from HUGE, mostly healthy families, so despite being newlyweds we were elated to begin building a big family of our own. We found out very early, and had our first ultrasound at 8 weeks, bearing witness to a little blurb with a heartbeat that sounding like a stampede. We thought we fell in love in 2008? We were way off! I returned for my 12 week scan, including the NT test. My sister, who is struggling with infertility and chronic illness, accompanied me in an effort to see what it was like. To my own disbelief, the NT test came back abnormal. My sister, someone accustomed to getting bad news from doctors, asked all of the questions as I sat there in shock. I was 27, mostly healthy and active, and in complete denial. I sought a second opinion by 14 weeks, with a similar result. My husband and I were adamant both about maintaining the pregnancy, and not participating in any invasive testing. I wanted to protect the integrity of my child in what little ways I could (this belief holds no bearing for me on another woman’s decisions in the same respect). Ou doctor sent us home, assuring us that we would take a more in-depth look at my 20 week anatomy scan. In that time we also bought our first home. Needless to say I was hormonal city, stricken with worry, and nesting all at once. At our 20 week appointment, we joked in the waiting room about if it was a boy or girl. I rubbed my belly in big, round strokes anticipating getting to see them again. We were called back and I was prepped for the scan. The ultrasound tech became quiet. She ran the probe over my stomach several times, and then ran the heart monitor. My own denial at the silence forced me to ask if she could see if it was a boy or girl. She said no and told me she needed to go get the doctor. When he came in, he did the same routine, only this time he told me, with heavy shoulders, that my baby was no longer alive. In hindsight, I feel bad for the other expectant mothers in that waiting room, who certainly heard my cries of grief. I felt worse for my husband, who remained as solid as stone, held me on the exam table, and prevented me from tearing the room apart, despite his urge to do the same. They let us exit through a back door, where the world going on outside seemed like one big joke. June 1st, sun shining, landscapers trimming the hospital grounds, and my husband and I, standing in a parking lot and sobbing together. When I got home, I started bleeding. It was as though my brain finally caught up to my body. I was thankful for my mother in law, who showed up just in time with maxi pads, and for my father in law, who helped his son process this. My mom and sister rushed to my side soon after, curling up in a heap on the couch with me. The next four days were a blur. I had a preliminary appointment the following morning where they had to place absorbent sticks into my cervix to dilate me. I was again thankful for my husband, and apologetic to the doctor for cursing in my pain and anguish. 72 hours of anti-anxiety and pain medicine later, and it was surgery day. I repeated out loud to anyone who would listen that day, that I didn’t want to do it, that I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I had spent the last four days sobbing and saying goodbye to every wad of toilet paper I had to flush, knowing it was a part of my child. They prepped me for surgery and before I knew it I was waking up in the recovery room. Unbeknownst to me, my husband was out in the waiting area, with two Abington police officers ready to handcuff him. You see, no one told us we would be unable to take our child’s remains, which in our faith is incredibly important. The words that set him off: “medical waste”. My husband got upset and nearly became physical with one of the male nurses. Security was called, and then police. Thankfully, my father in law (who drove us to the appointment) was finally able to explain to the officers what happened. They understood and left. My husband didn’t even have the heart to tell me about the remains in my medicated state. He dropped me off at home and immediately went out and bought an Apple tree, and planted it in our yard. The baby was the size of an Apple at the point of miscarriage. When I woke up and saw it I said it would be a great place to bury the ashes until we inter them with us someday. He had to tell me then that we couldn’t take our baby home, which basically ruined me.
Fast forward to August 2016. After over a year of trying to recover, and without trying to put too much pressure on the idea of conceiving again (despite the reality that I took pregnancy tests every month without telling him, only to be disappointed), we were convinced we may need to see a fertility specialist. We had vowed not to focus on it for a while, and enjoyed the end of our summer at the Jersey shore. Four weeks later and I’m doing the same familiar “I’m two days late” game in my head. I took a test and BOOM instant positive. I took another three tests and yep, clear as day! My husband is over the moon, but is struggling to really be excited about it after our experience.
I am now 10 weeks along. I have my first appointment next week. I am excited. I am terrified. I am also trying to remind myself that these feelings are not mutually exclusive for me, nor are they for any mother. Reading everything above just gave me a very needed injection of HOPE, both for a healthy and full pregnancy, and for the resilience I need to bounce back if otherwise. I apologize if this comment was long, or too invasive, but I felt from moment I became a part of this strange “club”, that it is my duty to be honest, to be proud of how I handled my pregnancy with the conviction of a protective lioness over her cub. Of course I would have preferred better outcomes. I would have preferred to feel the warmth of my child against my cheek for even just a second. But I do know my experience taught me a few things:
1) I am so blessed to be surrounded by loved ones who trully carried a torch for me in my time of need, especially my husband, who withstood his own grief as long as he could to help me with mine.
2) I am not made of glass, I am made of the thickest iron, physically and emotionally. I am going into this pregnancy with the knowledge that I can absolutely withstand and survive.
3) My child will never be forgotten. I hold him or her in my heart with me every day. I feel them with me all the time, most especially in the apple blossoms.
If you took the time to read this, I hope it helped you in the same way falling upon this page helped me today. God bless.
I don’t know if people would read this but I had to write about what I’m going through. It’s been about a month since I’ve taken a home pregnancy test which came out positive. I already have 2 children and wasn’t sure if I wanted another. Since going to the doctor and finding out that I will have a miscarriage I feel like I’m in hell. I can’t stop crying. Every thing makes me think of what I’m going through. I blame myself for not being able to hold on to a baby. I blame my partner for not understanding. As i write I’m still pregnant but waiting for my body to miscarry. I’m so hurt. Having children already, I never thought I would feel this way about a miscarriage.
It’s so not your fault. This post is from a little bit ago, so I hope you are doing better. I went through that emotion. I think knowing is the worse, there is no preparation. Only time. Allow yourself to grieve , it was a loss and it happened to you. But know that you will be ok. 🙂
I lost my baby at 10 weeks in Maybof this year, the doctor told me at my visit and I felt I was to blame. Even wanted to break up with my boyfriend because I felt I couldn’t carry his child. So trust me I understand your pain, guilt and pure sadness.
You captured the grief exactly right. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I’m battling fear with my second. Thank you for your words: “there is no Safe Zone. There is only Hope or Fear”. I’ll remind myself of this when I am tempted to fear. Every moment carrying my past and future babies is precious, no matter how it ends. Part of the reason miscarriage is largely ignored is because our culture doesn’t accept fetal growth as life… how can we grieve openly about a life which so many disregard?
Thank you for writing this piece. I miscarried in February when I was 9 weeks pregnant and at that point we did not tell our family yet. I felt like I could not talk about it with them and so we did not tell them until a couple of months later. Both sets of parents never asked me how I was doing after we told them. I felt like I went through the grieving process alone even though my husband tried to support me. The only solace I was able to take was in talking about it with three friends who have also experienced a loss. We tried to get pregnant as soon as I was given the okay to try again because I felt like it was a primal need at this point, like breathing and eating. We were successful until 8 months later. I recently took a test and got a positive result. I have prayed so much for this result but I did not know how terrified I would be this time around. I am excited but I want to tell myself to not get my hopes up. At the same time, I tell myself and pray that everything will be ok this time. I don’t think I have ever prayed as much as I have been praying now. Also, we plan on telling our parents next week even though it is still early only because god forbid something were to happen again, I would not be able to hold myself together and would need the support. With that being said, I tell my baby everyday that I love him or her and cannot wait to meet them. I pray for him or her to grow strong and healthy and I am hopeful that everything will be ok. Thank you again for writing this and creating awareness on this “taboo” matter that should be spoken about more often.
Please please sign and share my petition to help the NHS have a better understanding towards miscarriage
https://www.facebook.com/laura.percival.900/posts/10157644564355646
Thank you for sharing your story. I had my first miscarriage 32 years ago and went on to have 7 more in an 7 year period. There was a history of multiple miscarriages in my mother in-law’s family so we were told that eventually we’d have a successful pregnancy if we kept trying, since those family members all went on to have healthy children. But it was so devistating, I needed a mental break as well as the need to give my body a break from all the pregnancies. I knew I would eventually try again, but didn’t set a time to it. It was almost another two years before I was ready to try again. But once I decided I was ready, I knew that it would be my last time trying if it ended as the others did. Fortunately that final pregnancy resulted in a beautiful, healthy girl. But I spent the entire pregnancy in bed as I had a lot of bleeding that continued through the 8th month. We couldn’t do amniocentesis because of the multiple miscarriages and back then they only did one ultrasound. We were so scared the entire pregnancy we didn’t allow ourselves to be excited until the last month, and even then it was mostly hope, and a little excitement. That was 22 years ago, and to this day I am so grateful that I was able to have one beautiful, healthy child. Because of what we went through, we have never taken her for granted and she is not only loved, but cherished. Things were much different back then, there was no information out there for women who suffered miscarriages, no social media to help you make sense of it or to know that you weren’t alone. Even family members didn’t want to talk about it. Fortunately that is slowly changing with stories like this. Sending heartfelt wishes for you and your beautiful family, and again, thank you for sharing your story.
You’ve got wonderful thing at this point
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It helped to validate the feelings I have after a miscarriage last year & an ectopic pregnancy this August. I relate to a lot of the things you have pointed out & it is very hard to picture yourself with a successful & healthy pregnancy because, all I know and have learned is loss to this point. I prey that one day I am proven wrong. After a miscarriage or infant loss it is very hard to go about every day routines and to be the same person.
I love this post! I am in tears because I didn’t feel like anyone understood what I am currently experiencing . I lost my baby in May of this year at 10 weeks and am now 12 weeks pregnant again. You took the feelings right out of my heart, articulated EXACTLY what I have been feeling ! I’m so afaraid, I barely will add hinge to the Pinterest board. I have a huge fear of planning anything, writing the upcoming weeks down in my planner, or when my boyfriend speaks of the baby (which he is SO excited about), my response is always “we’ll see what happens”. But you have given me a sense of feeling human. Like I’m not the only mom who has experienced this! Thank you so much for sharing your story, I cried the whole time shaking my head yes as if you were speaking for me.
Thank you for sharing this. After two miscarriages, my husband and I just learned that we are expecting again, and the fear and panic are so real to us. Your writing reminded me that this is just another opportunity to love deeply, regardless of what happens.
As a way of processing our loss, I’ve started a small business making baby quilts. I’m doing a series for rainbow babies in the new year…
Thank you for sharing I have had two miscarriage. It took me a year to get pregnant again and I am hoping and praying it won’t take as long and I will have a healthy baby in the end?
i have a 5 yr old son. I first miscarried around 7 weeks in 2014…conceived again in nov 15 miscarried in Jan similar to my first..and to make matters worst i conceived again in July and my baby passed in my womb at 24 weeks….i pray that this doesn’t happen to anyone . has anyone had the same situation and was able to get a healthy pregnancy later…….
Thank you so much for your blog and story. I too have miscarried and I was about 9.5 weeks into the pregnancy. I was devastated, angry, and hurt. My husband and I will try again but the pain and agony will never go away. All we can do is put out trust in God and take things one day at a time.
Thank you for sharing. I just experienced my 3rd loss. I have 2 healthy girls as well. But you spoke the words I haven’t been able to. And a great reminder yo not live in fear. And as scared as I am to try I know the immense joy a new baby can bring and at this point it still feels worth it to hopefully feel that way again. Congrats on the new baby I hope all is well.
Thank you. I am 17 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby. I have days where I trust that things will be different, but moments of doubt creep in and they lead yo anxiety and fear. Its a comfort to read about other mums who have travelled the same road and are travelling it still each day. Its something so personal and difficult to share so thank you. You have given me comfort on what was a scary day.
Thanks for sharing your experiences ladies. Today would have been my baby’s due date if I didn’t have the miscarriage. I will never forget that moment when the assistant who was doing the sonogram said to us. She will be right back without another word. My heart dropped. I knew something was wrong. Turns out the baby’s heart had stopped beating a week before. I was 12 weeks at the time. Till this day I can’t help but blame myself and wonder when did it happen? How could I not know? My husband and I never spoke about it after we got home that day. And I know he doesn’t remember what today is. And I don’t want to bring him down with me.
I’m 35 and a type 1 diabetic. I just found out that I’m pregnant again. I’m scared. I’ve asked my husband not to say anything to anyone for as long as we can. Our family had just lost so many family members and this baby was supposed to be the joy of our lives.
I pray everyday since I realized I was pregnant but I hope the fear of losing doesn’t allow me to
enjoy the joys of this pregnancy.
This has helped me a little, thank you.
I have been without hope right now, without interest in doing anything or seeing anyone. I had been extremely excited about my baby; I had seen the heartbeat at my 7 week ultrasound. I had suffered terrible morning sickness for nearly 3 months. I was so happy to not feel nausea the past week.
My partner and I were excited to go to our next ultrasound, this Monday just past – I was 13 weeks pregnant. It was the worst day of my life. My partner and I were smiling and joking around, the sonographer was smiling until she began looking at the screen and her face changed. There was no heartbeat anymore. I became overwhelmed with sadness, shock and disbelief. The baby was measuring 10 and a half weeks.
I have, for the past 3 days carried around my dead little baby which has been unbearable. I have just had a D&C at the hospital today and the whole time I was in tears and disbelief, still. I have hardly slept this week, I can’t think of anything else for a moment. I am utterly depressed and really don’t know how to cope with this. I am scared to be pregnant again, which is how I came across this article – just looking for an ounce of hope for the future, as I do not have much at the moment.
I’m in the same predicament , same exact scenario and it’s been 2 days since my d&c and I’m still shocked and confused. I don’t even know how to move on. My 3 year old is helping me smile but that’s about it..
Thank you for sharing your story. I just found out I miscarried this morning 2/6/17. My baby stopped growing at 8 1/2 weeks. I would have been 11 weeks today. This was my first pregnancy and I am devastated. Please send prayer my way. Again thank you for your honesty. May GOD bless you and your family.
Thanks Eva. We just found out we’re expecting and I have felt all these confusing conflicting emotions and I stumbled across your bluing my google searching for answers. You put it beautifully and I feel so validated hearing I’m not alone or crazy.
I know that this was written close to a year ago, however as I’m very VERY recently pregnant again after a miscarriage in 06/16 and a chemical pregnancy in 11/16, this blog is so inspiring to me, and I just want to thank you. I’m terrified. I just want this baby so bad. My husband and I have been trying for 7 years. I’m praying this baby sticks.
Thanks again Eva for being so honest and real with all of your followers! It means a lot to me.
I feel for you, thank you for your post. I lost a little bundle at 9 weeks (to anencephaly) and then fell pregnant 3 months later. We got to six weeks (yesterday) but lost the little “lentil”. Such a rollercoaster. Reading other peoples experiences still gives me a sense of hope – amongst the feelings of fear and uncertainty. Fly high my little lentil xx
Thank you Eva.by reading this stories gave me hope.I had my miscarriage in 39weeks 03/12/2016 my baby’s heart stop its so painful I can’t even look at other peoples babies.me and my boyfriend we decided to try again.now I know I’m not alone
I just miscarried my very first baby at 12 weeks, and this blog describes exactly how I feel… I can’t stop the tears, and I want to punch the next person who says: “it wasn’t meant to be,” “you can always have another,” “these things always work out in the end.”
I don’t want a different baby, and I don’t see how this was the way it was suppose to work out. “Working out” would be me holding my sweet baby in the Fall… Now I’m left packing up the footie pajamas that wreak of Dreft & my heart might explode.
Thank you for sharing… I feel less alone.
Thank you. I have just recently had a miscarriage and my heart breaks every day for the baby that could have been. I keep thinking I did something wrong. Maybe I didn’t take enough folic acid or I drank too much caffeine? I go over and over what I did to hurt my baby. It’s so
mentally damaging and you explained my feelings so perfectly “I don’t want another baby, I want the one I had”…
Thank you for this.
Thank tou for sharing. I am going through my 2nd miscarriage in a year right now. Both babies died at 7 weeks but I thought I was pregnant till my dr appointment where we didn’t hear a heartbeat. We want to try again and hope to be lucky but I’m 41 years old. Not sure if the universe will be kind enough. I’ve always Loved kids and my degree is in human services and I devoted my time to taking care of other people’s kids. But I just recently felt good about trying to become a parent myself. I hope we’re not too late. I’m trying to feel hopeful. Thanks for listening.
https://www.speakoversilence.com//single-post/2017/03/30/Lets-talk
Another good blog post!
Just miscarried about 2 days ago. Been dating the the baby’s dad almost 2 years in November. Support from him? None. Him talking about it? His words….what am I supposed to say? Since I was released from the hospital, his face has been glued to his cell phone. Me talking to him about it is just a dead end streeto and it involves arguments. Emotionally, I need him, but he seems like h e doesn’t care.
Thanks for sharing Eva.
How can anyone get through the fear of being pregnant again? I fear it everyday. Even I told myself to take 1 day at the time and be happy but its easier said than done. Any advise anyone?
Thank you for this wonderful post. Thank you for providing hope to the millions of women who need to read this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Hello, do you allow guest posting on happilyevaafter.com ? 🙂 Please let me know on my e-mail
Hi, no i do not at this time. thanks!
Your post has definitely helped me. I just had a silent miscarriage this week. My body was 17 weeks pregnant but my baby stopped growing at 11 weeks and her heart rate stopped at 16 weeks. I’m still hearing physically and I’m still emotionally torn up. But I can’t help feeling like there’s another baby waiting for me. Not to replace my little girl, but someone special to add to our family and love. I’m hoping our family can hea enough to get to that point.
Thanks again for sharing your experience.
I meant healing* not hearing.
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Your words mean so much. I know exactly how you feel. I just had a miscarriage and reading your post gives me hope that I won’t be overcome by fear my whole life.
I lost my first at 5.3 weeks and your post so deeply resonated with me. 10 months later I am pregnant again…6 weeks tomorrow and I am struggling to be excited for it yet. I haven’t even plucked up the courage to go to the doctor yet. Next week at 7 weeks I will have an appointment. “Well we’ll see how it goes”. Also a thought of mine. I told my mom and often find myself reminding her not to get too excited. Reminding myself too. I am not excited yet. I hope soon I will be able to.
Just wanted to share my expreience in getting preganant , as few helped me when i tried to get preganant . Because of my irregular periods, it was not easy to get preganant . So first , i had to fix my irregular periods, by loosing few extra pounds that i gained during previous year . A simple workout everyday , 30 mins of walk/jog on threadmill along with healthy eating habits (avoid junk food , dont over eat ). Dieting is not at all required and not recommonded because you need to be healthy to get preganat. This rotinue helped me to loose around 6 to 8 pounds of my extra weight gradually in few months , then my periods also became more regular .
Once my periods became regular , i got concieved but first was a miscarriage (blighted ovum). There were two suggestions to let misccrriage , naturally at home or through a surgery(D&C) in hospital . After discussion with our doctor, we decided to try naturally. For this, our doctor checked my utreus to make sure there is no infection and safe to wait couple of weeks for naturally letting miscarriage. Then i had to go for blood work every 3 or 4 days to make sure my hcg was almost zero, inorder to make sure that there were no particles left over ,after miscarriage .
We were advised to wait couple of months before we try to concieve again . After 5 to six months , got concieved by grace of god , this pregnancy went smooth and fine . I took prenatals before and after my preganancy and had healthy food as diet and regular exercise (about 30 mins of jog (before pregnancy) )
Hope this information helps you !! All the Best !!
Hi, thanks for sharing the valuable information about your pregnancy day’s. It will help someone in their pregnancy.
Thank you for posting this. I just suffered a miscarriage yesterday and still physically going through it. Everytime I feel blood or a clot or the cramps I just start crying again. I wanted another baby so badly and I am devastated. My boyfriend is a God send and so supportive. He said yesterday we can try again but even he knows that isn’t comforting me right now. He even said he didn’t think he was ready to be a dad but he said it was such a good thing to look forward to in our lives right now that I was pregnant. To think just 48hours ago I was still carrying my baby still completely shocks me. When I wake up from sleep or a nap I have to remind myself all over again.. I watch my abdomen that was bloated and swollen going down and know its empty.. I wasn’t extremely far along but the pain was excruciating and it was an awful experience in the ER… I bled all over myself and the bathroom floor and had fluid gushing out of me. My doctor was amazing and I am so grateful he was the one who was there for me. He apologized. Not even my Ob apologized or cared. I didn’t tell many people so it’s therapeutic for me to take comfort in others losses as sick as that sounds to know I’m not alone. I know I can have another baby I just want the one that I conceived. I question God and why did he take my baby.. I hope in time I can move forward with this deep in my heart and a comfort knowing I’ll see my baby in heaven. I found a quote that helped me cope a little last night as I went to bed.. “I carried you every second of your life and I’ll carry you forever in my heart for the rest of mine. ” To anyone who reads this and is in pain please know you’re not alone and I am praying for all the women who have been through this agony. God bless.
Hey! Glad to know you’re feeling the joy of it! Please share the test and other things you did after your miscarriage. Did you get to know the reason? I’m curious. I hope you understand.
Thank you for sharing , I know that feeling of fear. I had 2 miscarriages. Now we are trying again but hopefully third time is the charm. We are hopefull it will happen for us.
Hi there!
I had a miscarriage about two weeks ago…I was 6 weeks and 2 days along. My husband and I were devastated as this was our first pregnancy. Our little sprout, as we affectionately called it, was already so loved by us and all who knew about him/her. Although the emotional pain of this has not waned, I truly have faith that God knew what was best for sprout, and called him/her home to be in His arms. I started looking for blogs today, ones that involved pregnancy after miscarriage, and I came upon yours! I just want to say thank you so much for publishing this. I would like to start trying again soon – not to replace the one we lost, but to continue living life and God willing make a new one. However, my husband and I can’t do that if I’m constantly in fear and anxious over every little thing. Your blog was a perfect read for me today! I wish you and your family the best! Thank you, and God Bless!
Thank you for writing this! I have had 2 miscarriages since 2015, and my doctor told me I’m pregnant today. It comes as a shock because I was on birth control, but God has a plan. I’m in shock, I’m scared, and I’m hopeful all rolled into one.
Wishing you the best!!! xoxo
I was an awesome feeling when i found out that i am pregnant, i could not believe myself, after trying for years now, finally i have been able to be called a proud mother to my baby boy. my husband is glad too, by standing by me all the way with strong feeling we will achieve this together. i am giving this hint to couples who are struggling with infertility, your time as come as well, with the help of Dr Iya herbal remedy, which i myself use to get pregnant with few days of using it as directed by the doctor. you can also have a child to call your own. this is the doctor contact nativeiyabasira@yahoo.com
Thank you so much for sharing these feelings. I also had a miscarriage after my first child as well. I also was so scared when I became pregnant again. I went to the doctor for my first appointment and was told everything looked great so I was definitely relieved. The next day I began bleeding quite heavily and my heart sank and my mind went to worse case scenario. I was driving to my emergency doctor appointment and suddenly I had this unexplainable calmness come over me. I had never felt anything like it! It turned out to be a subchorionic hemorrhage. I was put on bed rest and the rest of the pregnancy was fine. I had a healthy baby boy! Thank you for sharing your feelings. It’s important for people to know they are not alone. ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing We we’re just pregnant 19 weeks and our 2nd trimester screening showed no heartbeat for our little girl. I feel so lost and devastated to say the least. I agree it has changed my outlook on pregnancy and that I wont feel the happiness I felt the previous three times again. I will feel fearful and scared of loss or something being wrong. We really want to try for a 3rd again, but I am so nervous. Your story has given me hope that it could be okay and that we could get the the happy healthy third child we long for. Bless you for being so open and sharing your story. Plus, so strong to keep trying until your family was complete.
What a great post well done
I had my first son in 2009 and almost exactly what happened with your miscarriage happened to me in 2012. I was so heartbroken. I then got pregnant again in 2013 and welcomed my second son in 2014. Through the entire pregnancy I worried about every little thing. Bc lets me honest miscarrying is just brutal! I then welcomed another son in 2016. Same with that pregnancy, just so worried!! Now I’m about 7 weeks along, and I can’t stop worrying. I want to just chill out but I can’t. Seems like the more pregnancies I have the more I worry! ? please pray for me!
Thank you so much for sharing… It’s good to know that the feelings we all have are similar.. stay safe and beautiful family
Nice blog, thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for this. I keep telling myself to think positively but the fear is so deep and so well established inside of me. I have a tattoo that says “begin again” and I’m trying to do just that.
After marriage, My husband and I were waiting for a baby, after 5 years we got the good news I was pregnant but after 3 months I lost my baby this experience was very bad for me. Till I am depressed I cant be able to move on. can you suggest to me what should I do to forget this situation?
Thank you for sharing this. I am reading it the morning of my first ultrasound at 6 weeks. I miscarried at 8 weeks in January and this pregnancy has been so different because of my fear and anxiety. I feel so less connected, exactly how you described. All I can imagine for this ultrasound is being told there is no heartbeat. I can’t imagine it going well. But your post helped me a lot and I am going to do everything I can to connect with this baby and have more hope over fear. Thank you!
I am the same, and I see not far behind you. I am about 7 1/2 weeks now in my third pregnancy. Although my first pregnancy resulted in a healthy baby girl, in Aug 2019, the day before her second birthday, I lost our little bean at 5 weeks and even though so much time has passed, all those feelings of grief have resurfaced. With COVID, I am unable to get in for a scan until 2 weeks from tomorrow, but really just hoping with all my might that everything is okay. I really, really hope that it all went well for you too.
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Nice post thanks for sharing
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Nice post. Thank you so much for sharing.
This is a very heart-touching topic pregnancy after miscarriage. You can ovulate and become pregnant as soon as two weeks after a miscarriage. Once you feel emotionally and physically ready for pregnancy after miscarriage, ask your health care provider for guidance. After one miscarriage, there might be no need to wait to conceive. Thanks for sharing!
This is a very heart-touching topic pregnancy after miscarriage. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing, I know this is hard to stand up our self, but we are strong women.
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Thanks for sharing your story. I thought we were finished, I have a 12yr old son born 2010 then I had two early miscarriages before welcoming my daughter in 2013. Then after almost 10years and a nagging feeling I couldn’t shake, we had a little try- we had a little glimmer of hope after our first try (!) at Christmastime only for it to result in a chemical loss this week. Now I don’t know if I’m resilient enough to try again, am I mad for even wanting to when my other two are so big now. They have both said innocently they want another one and my hubby and I never could close that door. But now I’m faced with the prospect of more heartache I have so much to think about. Only time will tell if I can be brave again.
I just suffered a devastating miscarriage at 9 weeks (had my d&c 2 days ago). I have been scouring the internet trying to find the words for what I’m feeling, to find hope in something someone has written. Everything you wrote hits home for me. But to hear you went on to have 2 more beautiful children, is more encouraging than you will ever know. It feels like life couldn’t possibly go on and be normal ever again…. But reminders like this show me it can. Thank you 🙏
The moment you left me
The moment you left me my heart was split in two
One side was filled with memories the other side died with you.
I often lay awake at night when the world is fast asleep and take a walk down memory land with tears upon my cheek remembering you was easy I do it everyday but missing you its a heartache that never goes away I hold you tightly within my heart and there you will remain.you see life has gone on without you but will never be the same. Sleep well my dearest darling little one
I wrote this poem for my daughter I hope others can use this to help x
I lost my little girl in December 2022 I have already one child she is 10 taken me a long time for me to get pregnant witch was my second I’m still grieving it’s only been 6 months and 3 months since we had her funeral 💔 I have then got pregnant again only in my 1st trimester but I am scared I worry all the time I cannot help thinking negative.. I pray and hope I have a better chance of been a mummy again this time
One of this blog post’s most charming features is how relatable it is. It reads like a discussion with a wise friend since it is written in a style that readers can relate to.
Thankyou for sharing such a wonder full information with us. People will definetly like it.
It is hard to attract readers to blogs these days because of the influx of so many web posts. But your blog is worth drawing the attention of everyone, especially those who are from the healthcare sector.
Great information thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing this. It means a lot to all the women.
Amazing post. Good job
!What a beautiful, honest, heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing this .