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My Dearest Majy Boy,

Happy Fourth Birthday Major James! Oh my Big Boy, I don’t even know where to start when it comes to celebrating you and the special place you have in my heart. From the moment I met you, you’ve been the sweetest and most complex little creature. Your energy draws people in and keeps them at a distance at the same time. Your waters run so deep and carry so much for the people you love. You’re the only one of my children who wants alone time when they’re upset….who creates space for themselves when they need it. You care for yourself so elegantly even at four years old. I envy that.

And speaking of elegant, your quick mind and measured precision are in a class all their own. I LOVE watching you think. I love watching you enjoy something, so completely. You get on a “kick”– “Newsies” and Trains and “The Greatest Showman” this year– and you explore and explore and explore your love for these things until there is no juice left to squeeze. On the most hectic days as a parent, it is baffling and cloying– who would want to watch the same video or hear the same song on repeat 300 times?! But when I really pull back: how beautiful it is to want to know something so deeply and to appreciate it so completely. 

This year has been a big one for us as a family. Full of so much uncertainty and heartache. And yet, I’ve watched you grow up and grow in to yourself. You are sweeter than ever, kinder than ever, and funnier than ever! You’ve become a true Showman, right in step with your big sister, and watching you dance and discover your body’s rhythms has been one of MY greatest joys this year. You’ve become so independent. You love helping us cook, clean, and run errands. You’re my little nocturnal baby too– always happily awake after your siblings have long since passed out…quietly thinking in your bed. I hope one day I can get to know every corner of that beautiful mind. 

My true introvert, how you and I rub up against each other’s opposite personalities and clash like titans! You never back down and neither do I. It makes me crazy in the moment and makes me laugh in every retelling. But no matter how cross we get, we always find each other again wordlessly. You climb in to my lap and turn your face away, arms around my neck. I fold you up in a hug and smell that fuzzy duckling head and we’re back. I know you won’t always have a fuzzy duckling head, or fit in my lap, but I hope we can always find our ways back to each other again like magnets. 

Watching you become a big brother this year has been such a pleasure. The way you love Mateo so deeply and respectfully, without competition or impatience, is truly shocking. It’s not what I expected at all, with so much change in the air and a new male soul to share the stage with. But you did what you always do and surprised me. When I’m holding your brother and you grab my arm to lower him down so you can kiss and hug him it makes me prouder of your sweet heart than you’ll ever know. 

Major Boy, you are pure love. Thank you for blessing our family with the light that is so uniquely and quietly yours. Thank you for pushing all my buttons and teaching me endless lessons. I adore you. Happy, happy birthday! I hope you get everything you wish for and more. Let’s party! 

Yours Always,

Mama