My Dearest Majy Boy,

The older you get, the more I want to rewind to those days of your sister calling you “Baby Mayjah,” and the squishy cheeks, wise old-man eyes, and sweetest voice I’ve ever heard. You’ve grown up so much this year, between 8 and 9. It makes me equally proud and heartbroken. You are the child who is the biggest mystery for me. There is so much of your world that is internal and private and connected to that beautiful imagination.

Of all your siblings, you are the most independent, and as you grow older, that independence becomes more and more rooted in inevitable reality. I want to hold onto you just a little bit longer! I know that seems insane to say about a 9-year-old, but with you, somehow I’ve always had the feeling that your big, exciting life will take you away from home earlier than the others. This year, you have had so many firsts: first lead role in a musical, first time learning dance at a professional level, landing an acting agent, first time auditioning for actual jobs as a voice actor… and you’ve been loving every minute. I’ve watched an inner confidence in you unlock and a real drive bloom in you. You know who you are—your talents and value—and you are always curious to improve yourself. You are always, always learning, and your teachers always remark upon the softness that you have alongside your drive—that magnetism that both grounds you and carries you. Your friendships are full of vitality, laughter, and connection.

You are so exactly yourself every moment of the day, and I think that is the singular thing about you that I’m the proudest of. Major James, some people spend their entire lives trying to feel as safe in their own identity as you feel in yours. I know that you came into the world just as you are, and it has nothing really to do with your parents at all, and yet it has been the honor of my life to witness it. I wish I had loved all the parts of myself as a child the way that you do. I think it would have changed my life.

Thank you for letting your loved ones in on more of your inner world, and your hopes and dreams this past year. It has been so wonderful witnessing the bloom in you and hearing about your dreams really solidifying into goals you carry inside of you every day. Getting special time with you as we journey into NYC for School of American Ballet has been such a highlight for me. As you get older, I’ve realized how alike we are, and how many common interests we have. Hanging out with you is truly like hanging out with a friend. I’m always surprised by how much I enjoy our conversations—by the things you find interesting, by your opinions and hot takes, and by your quirky little sense of humor. Additionally, you are FABULOUSSSS. Period!

My biggest struggle with you is always getting you out of your own head when you’re frustrated, scared, or upset. Since you were a baby, you’ve had these mercurial little Libra moods that are so hard to shake you from. Now, I see them as a personal challenge and an opportunity for connection. I see a way to heal the inner child in me who seemed to scream, “I know I can do it on my own, but I still need you!” I’ll always answer that call from you. I hope you keep giving me the opportunity to meet you there. You’ve been my teacher in so many ways throughout your life—lessons of faith, healing, repair, trust, and of my own resilience. I hope you know that I am always here to hold the mirror up and help you find those same things.

My rainbow baby, my first son, my prayer answered, my lucky charm—you are so loved by your mom, your family, your friends, by strangers and neighbors. I hope the sun continues to shine down on you and fulfill your wildest dreams. You deserve it all. Happy Birthday!!!!!!

Yours Always,
Mama