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Dear Ms. Chasing Change,

Thank you so much for your kind words, and for bringing Happily Eva After along on your parenting journey– I’m very honored! I’m honored also that you are admitting something to me that is oftentimes very hard for first time parents to admit to themselves, let alone to be brave enough to ask for help!  I can tell that you are somebody who wants to feel better and do better always, and I admire that.  It’s a scary thing to feel like you have lost pieces of yourself during your transition in to Motherhood– I know because I can totally relate.  In fact, it was one of my major inspirations for creating this blog!  You and I are not the only new parents who have ever felt this way, by the way, so just know that you are in excellent company and that you WILL get to a place (sooner than you think) where you feel better about things overall.

You said your sweet girl was born on Christmas– you have a very tiny baby! You are currently living what I look back on as the most challenging period of my life ever.  Does that make you feel a little better? I found the first four months or so of my life as a new parent to be hands down the most disorienting, overwhelming, exhausting, anxious, and insecure moments I have had as a woman.  Of course I loved my newborn fiercely (as all Mothers do), but I didn’t and couldn’t figure out if I still loved myself.  Mainly because I couldn’t really figure out who exactly I was after such a major shift in my life.  I was taking care of my daughter 24/7, and had next to no time for anything else– I wasn’t even showering regularly, let alone asking myself how I was doing, what would make me happy for my own future, or taking any time to be the Woman and Wife I used to be before our major change.  Add on top of that stress about “getting back to work”, and I felt like I was about ready to explode. I also was barely seeing anybody socially, FYI.

Does any of this sound familiar? Well let me tell you the major thing I learned looking back on this period of time, and which I think will ultimately help you a lot:  I WAS TRYING TOO HARD.  I was trying to “do it all” and “have it all” in a period of my life that really should have been all about recovery, self-love, and respect for what I had just accomplished and the change that we had all gone through as a family.  Having a child is a completely revolutionary experience.  It changes your world in ways you could never see coming, and transforms the way you view your life, your partner, your relationships, and yourself.  But because of this, it can also be like a break up.  There are elements of your life pre-baby that you just aren’t going to be able to access again for a little while.  And that is ok.  You will get them back!  I realize now that in my first few months of Motherhood I was so terrified of everything I had lost that I wasn’t allowing myself to luxuriate in all that I had gained.  If you feel like you want to be able to do it all, this is normal.  We all want to do it all! Will you be able to do it all right away? Nope.  And the women who can? Great for them, but that is not normal.  You will eventually figure out how to re-prioritize in a way that works for you.  You will find the elements of your pre-baby life that make you feel like the Woman you were before you became a Mother, and you will realize that that Woman is still there– and as beautiful as ever.  This will take time.  Be easy on yourself.  Plan something that is JUST FOR YOU one day a week.  It must be something you enjoy, and it cannot be anything that involves a task or errand for anyone else in your family.  Plan to see friends once a month at night, and increase from there if it feels good to you.  Make a list of a few broad goals you’d like to accomplish this year, and revisit them monthly.

Most off all, throw out this word “Balance”.  It implies a calmness and control that you don’t need to worry about at this stage of your life.  I prefer the word “Juggle”– there will always be some balls floating perfectly in the air, and some others on the floor.  This is Motherhood.  It’s a Circus.  A beautiful and vibrant and chaotic Circus.  If you’re simply doing the best you can , then you are always doing the right thing.

I wish you all the best!!!!

xoxo

EAM