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A Little Life Update

 

Eva Amurri Martino wears a painted Kerri Rosenthal denim jacket and peruses fabric and wallpaper samples for her home renovation

Hey guys! There have been so many moving parts in my world recently, and it’s been hard to keep up– if I’m being totally honest. I’ve been feeling like I haven’t been keeping you guys in the loop as much as I’ve wanted to because my head has been totally spinning from everything on my plate and it’s felt like I’m treading water in a major way. Today I wanted to just lay it all out for you and share some positive and not so positive things in my world! Here we go!

First of all, as you all know, we moved in to our new home this week.  With all of our boxes and pieces of furniture that make up our life together for the past almost decade.  Except that our house wasn’t finished. Yahtzee! We had been pushing our move, and staying in rentals, hotels, and with different friends– and it was time for the hopping around to stop.  My kids have been really suffering from being unsettled (a blog post to come on this) and it’s been breaking my heart to see them like this.  I knew we needed to just get put and stay put, if you know what I mean.  But the trade off has been all of our belongings in boxes and covered in tarps while painters, wallpaper-ers, electricians, and plumbers fill our home to try and finish it ASAP.  I get that this is a “champagne problem” because in the end we will have a beautiful home, but living through it with two small children, and working from home on top of it all– it has been another level of stress.  

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My anxiety disorder has been off the charts bad.  Almost as bad as it was several years ago at its worst.  Being unsettled is a huge trigger for me, and the instinct to protect my kids when they are feeling emotional and upset is an even bigger trigger.  My anxiety disorder is something I manage every day, and feeling like it’s getting to a place of being as bad as it was during that time is really scary for me.  I’m trying my best to use all the tools I have learned or been given, and I’m actively seeing my therapist more often during this time– but mental illness is very real, and it’s an uphill battle right now.  I’ve been noticing, for example, that I’ve been isolating myself and withdrawing from social situations– which is always a big sign for me personally that I need to work on myself.  For me,  withdrawing is something my anxiety encourages me to do, but it actually works to make me feel even worse instead of better.  For my anxiety, human connection and sharing is what ends up really helping me– so I’ve been trying to force myself out of this unhealthy pattern.  

Besides spending time with my kids (which always grounds me), I’ve found that immersing myself in the design of our new home has really helped occupy my mind and helped me focus on the beauty that will emerge once the chaotic phase of our move has passed.  I’ve been loving working with Prudence Bailey on finding decor pieces that will celebrate and compliment our style and energy as as family– and I’m really excited for you guys to see what we’ve put together.  

I also made the choice to contact a Medium to give my life a little context.  I know some people are on the fence about this kind of thing, and I totally get that! I think everyone has to listen to their own heart and what they feel comfortable with.   I’ve been feeling like I needed a little spiritual push, and I’ve always wanted to connect with some significant people in my life who have passed.  I had a “Soul Gardening” session with an incredible medium named Austyn Wells– and it was completely life changing.  I ended up connecting really significantly with some people close to me, and received some words, intentions, and messages from them that made me feel so at peace.  It was exactly what I needed right now, and I’m so grateful to her for sharing her gift with me so I could have that experience.  

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Throughout this complicated time in our life as a family, I’m trying to focus on the smaller tasks and responsibilities right in front of me in order to not get overwhelmed.  As I shared with you guys earlier this year, I incorporated my company a few months ago and I have tons of business responsibilities and deadlines daily.  And employees that need my full attention.  There are also projects in the works that are so exciting and I can’t wait to share the details with you when I can! I know there are many women out there trying to balance all this and more, and my hat is off to them.  Life is complicated for every single person out there in different ways.  It’s been a real reminder to me to lead with compassion, always. 

Here’s to the chaos being over soon, to a more settled heart and spirit, and to all of the support I receive from all of you every day.  I’m so grateful! 

 

xoxo EAM

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Photographs by Julia Dags

 

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53 Comments

  1. Camilla says:

    Sending you extra faith and strength to get through this! You’re a very strong, courageous, hardworking, intelligent woman that inspires so many people on a daily basis. 💐

    04.08.19 Reply
  2. Amy says:

    This is tough and I think it’s important to honor that rather than call it a “champagne problem” and downplay it. You are in the messy middle part when you thought you be in the settled end part. When I was building a house, in a 3 rental with two kids over two years and became pregnant with my third and it was delay after delay, I experienced some of the worst anxiety of my life. We moved into our house and there were contractors in and out and I was weeks from having a baby. My only advice is to just embrace this crazy time and don’t do what I did (told everyone that the project was over, get out, and thought I’d get to those finishes later after the baby was born….hahaha). I promise you that in a year from now you will declare it was ALL worth it and no one will remember this part.

    04.08.19 Reply
    • Oh man that sounds nuts!!! I’m so sorry but I will trust your knowledge that it all settles down in the end! xo

      04.08.19 Reply
  3. Erika says:

    I love seeing a medium. It brings me back to “my place” when I need it the most. I am also like you and isolate myself when my anxiety is at it’s highest. Even when you recognize it, it’s still so hard to pull yourself out. My favorite phrase is “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” in Dory’s voice 🙂

    04.08.19 Reply
  4. Mary says:

    Dear Eva, I love you for sharing the details regarding this stressful period of your life and being open about mental illness cause there is really no point on reading a blog of a superwoman with a perfect life, who is always on top of things and constantly happy.Although I had read your post about your anxiety disorder in the past I thought that it was an exaggeration.I just wouldn’t fathom how on earth a woman like you with a perfect body, fantastic job, beautiful healthy kids and a supporting husband would be overwhelmed with stress to the point that it would become mental illness.I read your blog almost daily and seeing all these photos with wide smiles and dreamy vacations and blogger trips and family gatherings and seeing you at the same time having fun with designing a new house, I admit that I would never think of you as being stressed out. I have dealt with huge amounts of stress and pain within the last six months as I’ ve lost my mother, fought with my husband and sister a lot, dealt and still dealing with speech delays of my son so it has been a daily battle to find stuff that elevate my spirit and a constant struggle to remind myself of all the things in my life that make me grateful.I was hesitant with asking professional help but I see that sometimes it’s life changing. I was curious wether your stress makes you loose patience with others easily and if it does how you cope.I was also wondering why you hadn’t stayed at only one rental until your house got ready and you had to change places so many times.

    04.08.19 Reply
    • I’m so sorry for everything you are going through. The truth is, there are many assumptions about me, most of which are false. unfortunately I dealt with some childhood trauma which triggered a lifelong battle with Anxiety disorder that I am still processing and managing today. In some ways, it’s what has driven me to become successful and for better or worse, contributes to my work ethic. It’s a true double edged sword and something that I try to find a better way to manage all the time. To answer your question, when my anxiety is at its worst it absolutely causes me to be impatient with people more easily. Also, we changed rentals because the first one we were in was only available for a short time.

      04.08.19 Reply
  5. Whew! You are balancing so much! I personally think you are rocking it. Even just getting up every day and living in chaos is an accomplishment, much less looking put together and keeping two kids fed.

    Hugs from Denver!!

    04.08.19 Reply
  6. Irina Visan says:

    Hang in there, it will soon be over. Just try to visualize all the fun you’ll have in your beautiful home! I hope this will pass soon and you will get to enjoy it all.

    Also I am super curious: how big is your business? How did you decide to extend your business and which roles did you you fell the need to fill first? Maybe a post about it? 🙂

    04.08.19 Reply
    • Hi! I wrote about this a bit in the blog post I linked in this article about my goals for 2019!

      04.08.19 Reply
  7. Jessica says:

    It’s hard to read about these champagne problems, as you aptly called them.

    You each get your own bathroom. !!!

    You remodeled a 300 year old house to your exact specifications. 🙁

    04.08.19 Reply
    • Melissa says:

      “Before you speak (or type), THINK. Is it Truthful? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?”

      04.08.19 Reply
      • Anon says:

        If you have experienced or know people who have experienced real struggles (such as severe traumas), these “problems” will feel very trivial and unfortunately a poor use of a platform that could be used for good. There are actual people out there actually struggling with not knowing if they will have a roof over their head or where their next meal will come from. It’s so silly.

        04.08.19 Reply
        • Melissa says:

          Anon (Jessica?), my point is that by pointing out YOUR opinion and YOUR perspective, you are not being helpful or kind. If that’s your opinion, fine, but what’s the point in saying that? Just leave it be or unfollow her. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle, it’s not up to you to judge if it’s something worthy to be upset about.

          04.09.19 Reply
          • Anon says:

            Well, if she’s going to try to be an “advocate” for mental health, then she should know what she’s talking about. Otherwise, with a public platform, she is being harmful and diminishing those who are actually struggling. She should get a grip and not be encouraged.

            04.09.19
        • Alicia says:

          Everyone has their own struggles and yours do not diminish hers.

          The only person who needs to get a grip here is you. Go troll someones blog you WANT to read. No one is holding your eyeballs open and scrolling down this page.

          Be best, Anon.

          04.10.19 Reply
          • M says:

            What do you mean by “be best”?

            04.10.19
          • Alicia says:

            It’s a play on Melania Trump’s anti-bullying initiative slogan.

            04.11.19
      • Elizabeth Amber Montgomery says:

        YES, MELISSA.

        Eva, I love your open heart and transparency. The fact that others may be struggling with other things does NOT downplay YOUR struggles. Struggle. Cry. Yell and scream if you need to. You have just as much right as anyone else! You have so many people pulling for you and your sweet family and in your side! I so appreciate you always speaking your truth!

        04.09.19 Reply
    • Melanie says:

      Problems are problems and to a different degree for everyone! We have been through the worst possible scenario you can imagine in our life recently! I still love reading and looking at Eva’s posts and blog . It brings me comfort .
      Be kind 💗

      05.08.19 Reply
  8. Tracy L. says:

    Sorry things have been so hectic for you lately. Your blog and posts always make me smile so thank you for sharing so many moments with your readers. You are a great writer and I enjoy all the tips you share. Your posts are such a nice break from my kid centric routine world! I recently went back to work parttime after not working since my first was born. O my God is it insane! I cannot imagine working fulltime and running my own business like you do. You are one tough cookie. Hope the warmer weather brings you sunnier days 😊.

    04.08.19 Reply
  9. Jaimee says:

    Thank you for your bravery in sharing your true experiences. I think the feelings of fear, helplessness, loneliness, and all of the other shades of anxiety are so simply human. They know no bounds of class, race, gender, or creed. I’m wishing you much love and peace as you navigate your way through the crashing waves, knowing that calmer waters will eventually come.

    04.08.19 Reply
  10. Melissa says:

    It all definitely sounds like a lot and I hope you feel some relief soon. I’m curious if you find being in your house, but with it still incomplete, leaves the kids still feeling out of sorts? Or is it settled enough that they feel like they are comfortably in their space? (Hopefully my question makes sense).

    04.08.19 Reply
    • Thank you 🙂
      No, they are definitely still out of sorts and it’s making me feel really guilty. I know part of it is them picking up on my own anxiety, so I know that when I get more of a handle on that things will hopefully improve even more.

      04.08.19 Reply
  11. Jordan says:

    Oh please tell me you will make a post about the medium! Or is it too personal? I suppose even without specific context I’d love to hear more about the experience in general!

    I wish you well with your anxiety. Please remember that no matter how “lucky” you are to have so much good in this life, the bad times are always going to feel really bad. You are just a human. <3

    04.08.19 Reply
    • Thanks I appreciate that! In terms of medium– this will be my only post about it, but she has lots of resources on her website where you can learn more! She also wrote a book! xx

      04.08.19 Reply
  12. Julia M Stanley says:

    Thanks for sharing your triumphs and struggles Eva. It helps me tremendously to know that I’m not alone when it comes to dealing with anxiety and I admire your openness as it’s not always easy to share things that can make us feel more vulnerable. I love your blog and your Insta stories!
    Melissa

    04.08.19 Reply
  13. Katie Anderson says:

    Bless you and your family! Thank you for always being so real and approachable. The sharing of your personal struggles can’t be easy, but please know it gives, at least one fan of yours (me), daily strength and encouragement knowing I’m not the only one out there struggling. May your life calm soon and may you keep finding your peace. Much appreciation & love!

    04.08.19 Reply
    • That does make me really happy. Thank you for being a part of the community! xx

      04.08.19 Reply
  14. Dana says:

    Love the post and your honesty. I’ve been using the Calm app recently

    Have you heard of it?

    04.08.19 Reply
    • Somebody told me about this recently– I need to try it! Though I’ll admit the thought of another app on my phone feels a little overwhelming lol

      04.08.19 Reply
  15. Betsy Butler says:

    Thank you so much for shining a light on your anxiety disorder. My 15 year old has been dealing with this a lot and we have been working to try and find her a therapist that she likes and can relate to. The worst part is the shame she feels after she loses it at school or theatre rehearsals and worrying about her friends looking at her like she is nuts. So good to hear people talking about it and I just love how much you do to help yourself and M & M. You’re doing an amazing job and as my Mom used to say “this too shall pass” Also, I have lost both of my parents within the last 7 years and the idea of the medium (which I never would have thought of) makes me feel comforted just thinking about it. Thanks for sharing her info too

    04.08.19 Reply
  16. Courtney says:

    I truly appreciate your openness and honesty, and I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a hard time right now. Sending you strength and positive vibes as you work through everything! As I have to tell myself, it’s ok to not be ok all the time. I just wish people would realize that no one knows everything that a person may be going through and dealing with. A little empathy and compassion toward one another can go a long way.

    Hugs, mama! ❤️

    04.08.19 Reply
  17. Terra says:

    I’m an older woman who has had anxiety all my life as well. I seclude myself sometimes and I get depressed. Sometimes it is so hard to work out of this cycle. A good friend told me “to lower my expectations”. That may sound wrong but it helped me so much and after a few days of “lowered expectations” I can pull myself out of the mud. I hope this helps you as it did me. I adore your blog and love seeing and hearing your sweet children, I will not be having grandchildren so this is wonderful for me. xoxo. Terra

    04.08.19 Reply
  18. Esme says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your struggle!! …i originally found your blog when i was at my darkest moments battling breast cancer(had given birth to my 1st child 10months prior) and now few years later and ever so grateful to be healthy i struggle with anxiety and the what ifs of life. I connected with your blog as i watched your kids grow, reading about your husband (my husband played soccer in college) and your every day mom life/struggles helped me connect to others and realize we all have issues and asking for help (to a friend, therapist, family member, etc) is so important! Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Sending you positive vibes!

    04.08.19 Reply
  19. Brigit says:

    Your adjusting as well. Change is a biggie for me. I try offering prayers about it if it is God’s will then may it be. It is said anxiety is living in the future and in past. It is something that I struggle with as well as you know. Be compassionate to yourself as much as possible!!Your doing great!!

    04.08.19 Reply
  20. Alicia says:

    Sorry everything is so stressful for you. I know what anxiety can do to a person and it’s the worst. Can you hire an assistant to help you with the business aspect of your life?

    04.08.19 Reply
  21. Natalie L. says:

    This post spoke to me on so many levels. First of all, YOU ARE A MOMSTAR (LIFESTAR, really). You are doing and rocking this thing and it’s amazing and awesome and messy and I’m so happy to even know a glimpse of what’s happening in your life. Hats off to you, a person, business-woman, daughter, wife and mom who DOES IT ALL. Second, I have always defended my position to isolate myself as a coping mechanism. It does actually comfort me when I’m truly alone. BUT, I know it’s not what is necessary for me to move forward and succeed and flourish. Thank you for writing this. For the privilege of being able to read it and hear it. Thank you for always being real and from the heart. Thank you for being YOU. For being everything you are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤️

    04.09.19 Reply
  22. Trixie says:

    I love how soft but edgy the style in these pics are! Also, I hope you share some of the insights from your medium! 🔮🔮🔮🌞🌞🌞🦋🦋🦋

    04.09.19 Reply
  23. Courtney says:

    Yes! There are some words to a song that go something like, “Just ’cause I haven’t been through the same hand that was dealt to you doesn’t make me any less or make any more of you.” We’re all dealing with things, many of which other people know nothing about. Just be kind. ❤️

    04.09.19 Reply
  24. You are such a strong woman, mother and wife and you inspire us daily. Take one day at a time and we are here to support you whenever you need it!
    You’re amazing!
    xoxo

    04.09.19 Reply
  25. Kristin says:

    I hope you’re feeling better and that as the days pass, you all get more settled into the new normal. Moving is a big deal, especially for kiddies.

    And for anyone who is hating on your “champagne problems”, chances are that if you are even reading this blog and have the means to comment (time, electronic device, and enough technological knowledge to put your 2 cents out there) – you too, are privileged compared to many people in this world. Problems are problems and feelings are feelings.

    There is always someone in a worse position than you, and always someone in a better position and that never changes. Cheers to those of us keeping it together, even when it feels like it’s all hanging by a thread!

    04.09.19 Reply
  26. kmartin says:

    My heart is breaking for you reading about being so unsettled with the kids. After Katrina hit here in South Louisiana, my entire family lost their homes – 4 total so I had my family living in my house off and on while rebuilding was taking place. At the time, my son was 8 and all he wanted was things to be normal in “his” house. So I made his room off limits and his sanctuary. Maybe if you find one room in your new house to totally complete where the kids would have their “sanctuary” would help. Just a suggestion. Can’t wait to see how the house turns out and I will keep your cute family in my prayers for peace!

    04.10.19 Reply
  27. Ellie says:

    Eva,

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while and have never commented, but want to sending you love and strength right now. This post spoke to me so much. I had my first experience with severe anxiety last summer and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. An frightening medical event followed immediately by having to leave my house for over a month during construction triggered my anxiety. I 100% agree that being unsettled can really kick it up. I hope your house is finished ASAP and that that change brings you some calm and peace. In the meantime, hang in there and please be as kind to yourself as you can!

    04.16.19 Reply
  28. Melissa says:

    Hi Eva , I’m so interested in seeing a Medium!
    Curious how you found her ? Did she bring someone in spirt for you to connect with ? Sounds amazing and yes I believe certain people have abilities they are born with . I just get concerned because their are so many disingenuous people out there . I’m sure you wouldn’t be recommending her if this was the case. Thank you so much for your extremely informative blog ! I take notes on it all the time. Have a beautiful Mommy’s Day 🌸

    05.08.19 Reply
    • I found her through a very good friend– and yes she brought people in spirit for me to connect with! It was amazing.

      05.09.19 Reply