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Four Years Married

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Here we are.  Four years married, and six years together.  One beautiful and strong daughter, one child we never had the chance to meet.  Many apartments, one cozy home.  A life more interesting, more complex, more layered, and more tender than I ever could have imagined. 

Before I married Kyle, I used to think a lot about how happy I knew I was going to be with him, how great our marriage was going to be, and all the wonderful things we would do together.  I knew instantly from our first dinner together that I would marry him, and I never had any doubts.

Now, having lived our marriage for Four years, I can tell you something that I’ve found to be true:  Marriage is on-the-job training.  Like Parenthood, in many ways.  You can read every book, dream and plan together, but the real marriage and the truest test comes from actually living your life– together, as a unit.  In the past four years, we have seen so much, been through so much together– individual personal struggles, career heartbreaks and victories, loss, grief, joy, passion, negotiation and tenderness.  Our journey together has been so different than what I ever could have imagined, and has brought us closer than I thought we could be– even as I stood there on our wedding day feeling like we were as close and as happy as was humanly possible.  But our happiness is different now.  It’s worn in, softer.  It’s been scuffed and bumped, tousled and dusted off.  Our happiness is more humble, and more fierce than it was.   I feel truly fortunate that when I look at this man (who has greyed significantly in the years since our marriage– sorry, baby) that I know I have found and married my greatest friend.  I feel fortunate to truly love him more today than I did on our wedding day.

I love this man because he is overwhelmingly good.  He does the right thing, always, and is an excellent friend to the people he loves.  He brings the trash cans out for the neighbors.  He adores our daughter, and she adores him– and when I watch them together I know that they are cut from the same lightbeam of truly-good-person-ness and I’m in awe of them.  He makes me laugh, suddenly, in ways I don’t see coming.  He’s kind to me when I don’t have the strength to be kind to myself.  He has my back in a way that makes me feel like part of a really scary and cool gang with two members.  He’s handsome– and has hair to rival any Bobble Head doll you have every seen.  I love that when I tell him I have something gross to show him on my body, he says “Hang on, let me get my glasses.”

But my love for my husband is not strictly for these warm and fuzzy reasons.  I love him also because he fights with me.  He makes mistakes.  He grows. He’s good at forgiving himself, which I am bad at.  He isn’t scared to be ugly or vulnerable, he apologizes when I can’t– and when I can’t he makes me.  He’s seen me at my worst, and knows the “best” that I’m capable of.  He is committed to working on our relationship– as we change and grow, and experience frustrations, heartbreaks, and roadblocks.  He is committed to being part of something bigger than himself, and to knowing that our biggest victory is growth, together.  I love him for everything, but mainly for this.  For this work in progress that he allows and encourages our marriage to be. 

Here’s to many more…

xoxo
EAM

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Photographs by Tec Petaja

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19 Comments

  1. Katie Morene says:

    Lovely job capturing the essence of a strong marriage. Powerful words full of love and passion without giving the impression that marriage is a bed of roses and love is all you need. It takes so much more than just love. Good for both of you!

    10.29.15 Reply
  2. Max says:

    Kyle Martino for president of united states !!!! Or Batman…

    10.29.15 Reply
  3. Glenda says:

    To continued strength within your marriage and YES! to on the job training for sure! Today we celebrate our journey as well! Best to you two! Love for always!

    10.29.15 Reply
  4. Nannick says:

    Such a wonderful post and such beautiful photographs! I’m in the process of mending my broken heart (it’s day ten since my love and I parted) Reading your letter just now was strangely comforting. For things to work you need to both work at it. Thank you for sharing and for making this romantic fool believe it all a little again ;

    10.29.15 Reply
  5. goodgracessea says:

    You are such a good writer, Eva! So many blessings abound in your sweet family. Thank you for sharing them with us.

    10.29.15 Reply
  6. Diana says:

    I’m riding the bus as I type this(Bronx,NY), and I have tears rolling down my face! Not only because this is so honestly beautifully written but because that’s exactly what marriage should be,a life partnership! What I take the most out of this post and touches my heart deeply is the “growth” part! Because as I’m fast approaching our 13th year anniversary, I feel like I’m growing and I want to keep on growing but the person next to me doesn’t want me to. Life is hard, but it’s also beautiful and if you have a partner who’s willing to be there and embrace it with you, what more can you ask for! Congratulations to you both! To many more adventures!!
    Ps: Sorry about my English!

    10.29.15 Reply
  7. Eve R says:

    So beautifully stated, job well done!

    10.29.15 Reply
  8. SJ says:

    You and Kyle are my couple goal, your so perfect!! X

    10.29.15 Reply
  9. Deb says:

    Crying now as I read your beautiful poem to your life with a real man.

    10.29.15 Reply
  10. So beautifully and eloquently written, Eva! And your photos are stunning! Congrats you two! -Ashley
    http://thestyleeditrix.com

    10.29.15 Reply
  11. Nina says:

    Happy anniversary, you guys!! Such a beautiful post and tribute. XO

    10.29.15 Reply
  12. Dan Woog says:

    Ah, Eva — if you only knew Kyle back in the day! Seriously, what a beautiful piece. I love the man he’s become, and wish you both decades more of joy and growth.

    10.29.15 Reply
  13. LaTasha says:

    Eva,
    Your blog is amazing. Those words were so beautiful & heartfelt. I truly cried, wiped my tears, chuckled & cried again. Your marriage is truly an inspiration and you & Kyle are giving Marlowe the greatest gift…2 parents who love each other unconditionally & refuse to give up on one another. I wish your family continued good health, wealth & happiness. Congratulations on 4 wonderful years & many, many more. Xoxo

    10.29.15 Reply
  14. angela says:

    Eva, this is beautiful and Marlowe and her first haircut!! I love that little girl–she is my fave celeb baby ever!! Thank you for sharing pics of her. She makes me smile so big every time I see her. Her happiness shines from the inside. Well done!!

    10.30.15 Reply
  15. Lizzy says:

    Oooo love.

    11.01.15 Reply
  16. Rach says:

    Absolutely amazing, I feel this is a very honest recount of a true marriage. Thank you for sharing

    11.02.15 Reply
  17. Deb says:

    I absolutely LOVE that he tells you to hang on, that he needs to get his glasses. AHHH….he is a keeper, take it from this 61 year old grandmother. HOLD ON TIGHT TO HIM, BABY~!

    03.03.16 Reply