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I will admit something to all of you: when I was pregnant with Major and I found out I was having a boy, I was not excited. In fact, I was a bit disappointed. When I was 14 weeks pregnant, Kyle and I threw a Surprise Gender Reveal cocktail party for our family and friends. Nobody there knew I was even pregnant. We had just moved from Los Angeles, and so we decided to throw a little “we’ve arrived” cocktail party to see our East Coast peeps. About halfway through, Kyle gave a speech saying how excited he was to be back on the coast where we both grew up, and told everyone we were expecting! Everyone was cheering and clapping, and so excited for us, after our miscarriage just six months before. We waited for the excitement to settle and then said we had one more surprise: we were all going to find out the gender of the baby together RIGHT THEN! People started freaking out! Hahaha. We had decided to have our doctor call my best friend with the results instead of us, and she had ordered a gender reveal cake. We picked Marlowe up as our friend brought the cake out of the kitchen and everyone gathered around.
At this point, I was over three months pregnant and had already had a really emotionally exhausting first trimester. I had been so worried and stressed coming off of the devastation of my miscarriage and having a hard time feeling emotionally attached to this new pregnancy. To make matters worse, I had been SO nauseous and sick every single afternoon. Even worse than I had been with Marlowe. I had always heard that nausea and extreme pregnancy symptoms heralded a girl baby (this is definitely wrong, by the way) so I had convinced myself that I was pregnant with a girl, and I was really excited! Marlowe would have a sister! I could just imagine them together running around in our yard and wearing matching dresses at holidays. I had even named her: Clover Antonia Martino.
Kyle and I cut in to the cake and there it was: bright BLUE filling! Everyone cheered! Kyle started laughing, Marlowe grabbed a fistful of cake, and I tried my best not to burst in to tears. There’s some brutal honesty for you. In the moment I was just thinking, “But what about my GIRL? What about my Clover? What happened to that fantasy?” Knowing we had always planned on two kids, I just was focusing so much on Marlowe never having a sister, and all of the things I had imagined that wouldn’t be. And boys, what did I know about little boys?! I mean I grew up with brothers, and as far as I knew boys were rambunctious little stinkers who liked to wrestle and play video games and other things I care nothing about. How could I be a Boy Mom? On top of these thoughts I also felt extremely guilty of course. Here I was with the “perfect combo” of girl and boy and I wasn’t even excited. What was wrong with me?
I called a couple of friends from LA with boys the next morning and shared the news. They both practically squealed on the phone: “Oh my god, Eva, you are SO LUCKY! Just wait until he’s born. It’s just so different than with your girl. You’re going to be so obsessed.” I was a little confused. What did that mean? Strangely enough, for the next 6 months, any time I’d come across somebody (even strangers!) who found out I was having a boy, they’d all clutch their hearts and close their eyes like they had just tasted the dessert of the century and proclaim, “Oh man, little boys are just SO delicious. You’re going to be so obsessed with him.” To be honest, I was a little annoyed. By this point I was much more excited to be having a boy than I had been at first, but I still didn’t see the difference. I mean I was totally obsessed with my daughter, how could that bond with a boy be more delicious, or different? I would just sort of internally roll my eyes and thank them.
And then, Major was born. AND HOLY TOLEDO, THE DELICIOUSNESS. I can’t even really describe the bond that I felt with him instantly. It was just so so visceral– and snuggly. His smell, his squishyness, his hands and feet and little lips. I literally wanted to eat him up. Whereas my bond with Marlowe from the beginning was much more intellectual and heart-centered (if that makes sense), my bond with Major felt almost molecular. Neither one was better or worse, but boy were they different. It was so intensely bizarre! I silently apologized to every single one of the hundreds of women who had tried to tell me about this! LOL. From the minute Major was born, he tried to snuggle in to me, almost as if he could snuggle through my skin all the way back in to my body! Ha! Whereas Marlowe has always been fiercely independent in spirit even from day one, I could tell that for Major I was his constant north star. Even today, he will periodically call from the other room “Mama?” Just to check and make sure I’m there. A couple of months after Major was born, I was chatting to a friend on the phone and she was asking me what it was like having a boy and a girl. By this time, I had really internalized what it felt like and had my answer down pat: “Marlowe is the best friend I’ve ever had, and Major is the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.” LOL. So true.
And now I’ve become THAT Mom. Somebody close to me recently found out she is pregnant with a boy after really, reallyyyy wanting a girl. I found myself feeling desperate for her to know how obsessed she will eventually be with her boy when he’s born. “Trust me! You will freak out! They are just so delicious! He will love you like nobody else!” I’m sure she’s like yeah yeah yeah, whatever crazy lady– but it is so true! There is something that can’t really be put in to words about that Mother Son bond. The way he loves me is so tender and devoted, and when he lays his head on my should he’ll sometimes take his other hand and gently rub my back. I actually melt– like see ya, I’m a puddle over here, send my calls to voicemail please byeeeee. I feel BEYOND lucky that I’ve been able to experience both, totally different, beautiful bonds between mother and child. I can’t wait to see how they grow and change as my children get older.
And to any little girls that plan to eventually date my son: DREAM ON.
(kidding! Kind of…)
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Photographs by Julia Dags.
LOL! I am surprised that Marlowe hasn’t shown any signs of jealousy towards Major though. I don’t know how you did but kudos to you, mama! 🙂 I am completely in love with your family and stories btw!
Wow- I totally needed this blog post in my life! My daughter is two, and in February I got pregnant with my second child. My husband and I also decided we would only have two children. So as we waited for the gender results, I secretly prayed for another girl. I grew up with a sister, and she is my best friend. I was already imagining my Lexi and her sister being best friends too. When the office called and said it was a boy, tears fell immediately. My husband asked if I was okay and said “of course.” I called my mom to tell her and cried again. I wanted to be happy but my heart felt broken. I talked to friends that had one of each gender and they also told me how amazing the bond with a son was. I was starting to feel better. We are due in October and I’m actually now getting more excited to prepare his nursery and start buying his clothes. I watched your InstaStories last night with Marlowe and Major cuddling before bedtime and just cried. I know my girl will have a best friend in her little brother. Thank you so much for writing this- it was just more confirmation that everything will be just great with a little boy in my life.
This is so true!
I desperately wanted a little girl for my first and was silently disappointed when I found out we were expecting a boy… but the bond, the love, the cuddles and the way they just want their mama sometimes – oh it melts me!
We are now expecting a girl in a few weeks and I’m excited but also apprehensive about what to expect and the bond between my new daughter and I
Wise, heartfelt and relatable words as per usual Eva!
WOW. It’s like you read my mind. I have a 3 year old daughter and just had a son 2 weeks ago today. The whole time I was pregnant any time I’d tell someone I was having a boy they’d have the same “oh boys are so wonderful and delicious and amazing” comments and it REALLY annoyed me. It almost felt like they were minimizing my relationship with my daughter which is so special, she’s my bud. But once he was born I immediately felt a different bond with him than I did with her. She has never been cuddly or snuggly with me, she’s very independent (she’s basically me as a kid ha). But with him, it just feels totally different. One is not better than the other, it’s just a totally different relationship with each (and of course I’m only 2 weeks I’m so things could definitely change!). Such a great post!
Sorry I’m just wiping my tears.
I think most mama’s can relate to this. Everyone prays for a happy/healthy baby but deep down I think everyone has a gender in mind when they are expecting. I wanted a girl for so many reasons – the hair! the dresses! matching mommy/me everything. I found out I was having a boy and thought.. trucks, light sabres, reptiles – gross! BUT the day my boy was born changed me – for all the same reasons you described. Now he’s 3.5 and instead of just saying “mama” to make sure I’m around, I get “mama I love you sooooooo much” with his arms wrapped around his back.
Here’s hoping he’s single forever and I’m always his girl (jk jk)
Great article and I went through the same thing when pregnant with my second, a boy. I always wanted two girls. Now, I am so grateful I get to experience one of each!
I, too have a girl and a boy. They love each other with their whole hearts and it is just the most precious thing to see. A year ago we decided to go for another baby. It took a long time to get on board with having a third and eight weeks in we lost the baby. After grieving the loss we made a decision to try one more time, as we didn’t feel our family was complete. With our first two we did not find out the gender, but we knew that we needed to this time. Our daughter was convinced it would be a girl and desperately wanted a sister. She needed to know especially if it was indeed a boy. We had a gender reveal with our family with cucpcakes. My daughter bit into hers first and it was BLUE. She couldn’t comprehend that it wasnt pink, but didn’t say anything. I knew she was upset, but she held it together. Later we came home and she burst into tears, “mom, I will love this boy, but I really really wanted a sister”. It broke my heart a bit and to be honest, I was worried about how it was going to be. Well, February came and our second son was born and he is truly the light of everyone’s lives. My daughter and son think he is just the most magical child that has ever lived. He is so different than my first son and the sweetest angel. My daughter, most of all, is the most smitten. Even though she won’t have a sister I know that her bond with both of her brothers runs deep. Boys are just delightful. I adore my daughter, but it is true that the relationships are different. For those of you that end of with boys, thinking you would have girls, don’t despair…it is magic?
Thanks! I’m pregnant with a boy, and I really wanted a girl, and nobody understand the disappointment i felt, you make me feel less
“Bad mom” I know I love him , and I understand what you said, I wanna meet him already !
Omg Eva i’m on tears ? such a touchable post. I have a baby boy too, my only child and i perfectly know what you mean. There’s nothing more cherish than this kind of bond.
Hi Eva-Mom of two adult sons here.
I grew up with a younger sister& wanted to replicate the relationship I had with my sister in my own family.
I was somewhat disappointed when I had my first boy,thinking my second child would definitely be a daughter.
The fact that I had a different pregnancy practically made me believe it was a girl.
I always pictured myself as a mom of girls,so was astonished to find out that was not in the cards for me.My husband of course was overjoyed he got his wish.
The important thing is that my children grew up happy, healthy, educated &fine human beings.
But I have to be honest&admit that although I love them dearly& they are wonderful sons,I still miss having that mother/daughter relationship with a child;felt this way years ago& still do.This is especially so since they are adults now& their dad has passed away.
It’s just a very different kind of relationship now.I am not the dependent, clingy type@all, but notice how my friends who have daughters have a different family dynamic.You are fortunate to experience both.
You were with me when I found out my rainbow baby would be a girl while I desperately wanted a brother for Leone. You were so positive, extremely so for a teenager, and reassured me that even though I might feel like that while pregnant, it would all change the minute Augusta was born. Wise words then, even wiser now that you’ve experienced it yourself. ( Love the name Clover Antonia. Your nonno would have loved it.) xox
I had the exact same feelings. I so wanted my daughter to have a younger sister, and when I was pregnant with my second I was convinced it was a girl, named her, and started picking out hand me downs for her.
I got the call while I was sitting in my judge’s chambers conferencing a case with defense. They knew I was expecting the call and let me take it. The doctor told me boy and I stopped listening to the rest of the info about how the baby was healthy!! Both the attorney and judge thought I had gotten bad news because my face was so shocked.
Now I look at my little guy and couldn’t imagine it any other way! Things happen for a reason!
I have a daughter who is almost 3 and a son who is 7 months old. You are so correct, my daughter is fiercely independent and I wouldn’t change her for the world. My son looks at me like I am his North star and it completely melts me. I feel so fortunate to be able to experience this bond!
Wow did I need to read this. These are feelings that I have felt and never heard anyone else talk about. What a profound moment that I see many people feel this way and you are openly writing about it for all to hear. Before I got pregnant I had no idea women could actually be disappointed with the sex of their baby. Boy was I wrong, add that to the longgggg list of other things having a baby has opened my eyes, mind and heart to.
When I found out I was having a girl is was sectrctly disappointed because for some reason I really wanted a boy. And now that I have my baby girl I cant image not having her, and actually feel horrible that I ever felt upset about having a girl. I hope to have another baby and I’m dying for a girl. And I’ve asked my self hundreds of times, how I’ll handle it if it’s a boy? I know nothing of little boys and being a boy mom, it’s like asking me to speak another language it’s so foreign to me.
I am not pregnant yet but this was such a great read that popped in to my life. Thank you for being so honest about a topic I feel is not talked about much because it seems shameful to be so disappointed about such a thing.
Thank you for this! I definitely wanted a girl-I have 3 sisters and wanted the dance classes and matching outfits. The day before I realized I was pregnant last year-I had this dream of me feeding a baby boy. When they told me a few months later that I would be having a beautiful baby boy I cried tears of happiness in that moment. Something shifted. As I made his nursery and put away his clothes I was so happy. Now my little 3 month old Teddy (his name is Theodore) saves his best smiles for his mama. I can’t wait to see what’s to come!
Love this! That is so true. I had two girls and was definitely expecting to have a third girl, but when the nurse called to tell me it was a boy, I was dumbfounded. I actually called back to ask how accurate the genetic testing really was! Ha! But it has been so different in the best ways. I think girls hold their moms to higher standards and the dads get to play the hero, but with a boy, I’m his everything for the last year and a half and I feel that every day. As my three grow, I love so much about each of their unique personalities, but wow, there is something to be said about a little boy.
Omg I just teared up! #boymama
Samesies, samesies, samesies. I swear sometimes I think we share a brain, Eva. Thank you for sharing your sweet, sweet family with us!
Omg thank you! Exactly how I felt during my pregnancy. My son is almost 1.5 (17 months in mom speak) and I just can’t get enough of him. I’m so obsessed with this little man. I’m also pretty sure he’s going to develop some sort of complex from me just kissing his chubby cheeks. Being a total pink loving girly girl I was nervous about having a boy but have totally embraced being a #boymom. Now can we just have more Mommy and Son matching outfits??? I know it’s doable but I just don’t want to think that hard?.
I (heart) this post. My husband has a daughter so when I was pregnant while I said I didn’t really care what we had, for him, I really wanted a boy. Oh my goodness. My 3.5 year old is EVERYTHING that Major is. So sweet, so cuddly, so mommy-centric. At times the “Mama…where are you?” is overwhelming, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank you so much for sharing! 🙂
This post was so special & sweet☺️♥️! Love the unique bond that you have with your Marlowe & Major!!
Sooo true about boys. Mine are now 21 & 23 and they are still my best boyfriends!!
Thank you for sharing this! I just found out I am expecting and I already have a 2 year old daughter. The thought of having a boy terrifies me, but your post has made me feel at ease if it is a boy. ❤️
Just wait…it only gets better! I always wanted a girl…I have 2 boys…and being a boy mom is SO special! Just wait until he is a teenager…and pushing you to the edge of madness…and out of nowhere that sweet little boy emerges and you melt into a puddle of mush!
Tip for the future (way in the future)…HS graduation…you will get more excited about it than he will…until after it’s over….don’t let it bum you out. As soon as it is over…you’ll get that special glimpse into that sweet little boy again.
#boymomsrock
100%%%% Oh man! I was so bummed my second was a boy too. I carried him with the thought, “this kid is for BJ,” my husband.
Everyone told me the same thing and I thought, nope.
But the snuggling like they are trying to get back in is spot on!!! My daughter never wanted to snuggle and oh my Charlie’s cuddles are the best!
Yup. I didn’t believe anyone either, but boys are the best. Just like girls.
I wanted a girl… My first was a boy.. I was so smitten like I was falling in love with him like a boyfriend… the bond is SO strong. I got pregnant again and guess what? I had another boy and was elated! I understood then what I was in for and the strong bond I would have. The oldest son is married living in London and my daughter in law wanted a daughter and when they found out she was disappointed. My first visit.. I said oh the mother-son bond is SO strong. My son strongly agreed. My other son just had a baby girl. He’s experiencing love in a whole different way. I still am crazy over my married sons as much if not more so! It gets better and better!
I’m not even remotely close to being pregnant and I want a boy lol I’m curious as to how you chose his name? in a world of Ollies, Lucas’s and Eli’s, how did you pick Major? Have you always wanted to call him that? because I’ve had the name August out since I was a kid lol
You articulated the feeling of having a boy and girl so well. I’ve never been able to put it into words, but it’s exactly like you said! ?
This blog was so beautifully put together and honest ! I have two boys who are 12 and 10 ! && I always wanted to have a boy and never cared to have a girl lol and god blessed me with two and the bond that I have with my boys is the best feeling in the world❤️❤️ I have two momma’s boys ?
I wanted a girl SOOOO badly. We found out the gender at birth and it was a boy. Cue the sad trombone. I was very upset- for maybe a few hours. That said, nearly 8 years later, I can’t imagine not having my perfect (not-so) little boy. He’s amazing, the best big brother and we have an incredible bond.
I had a girl next and I was thrilled, but she has been so much harder than my son. However, to your point about nausea, I had typical morning sickness with my son. I was in the hospital with HG with my daughter.
Hi Eva! I loved this post… I have a 14 month old (who reminds me so much of major) and the bond is unreal. Still to this day the love I feel for him is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. Sometimes after a long shift at work and I get home and he’s asleep, my husband and I will sit and watch videos of him because we miss him. Thank you for capturing how wonderful it is to be a mom but also being so real and genuine. ❤️
I have a three and a half year old son and I’m still the sun in his universe. I treasure it even more so because I know it can’t always be this way. I feel so lucky to have someone love me so wholeheartedly.
It was so wonderful to read your blog and see the same feelings expressed – it is such a special thing and you wrote about it beautifully. Thank you!
Daphna
#same ❤️
Good article. I’d have to say it took me a while to feel the connection with our son. Probably mainly due to that fact I had twins so it was the constant juggle of babies. But I was a bit nervous when we found out the gender of the twins and our son was ‘Twin A’ and the thought of having two boys (especially the rough and tumble kind) freaked me out. Thankfully twin B was a girl ?. Our son is more like me, much more introverted, independent and chill. As my husband says he already cooler than him (sorry, the boy has the PNW hipster blood in him). We had our third baby and I was still nervous about the gender, I was relieved we had another girl. As much as I love our son, I’m so much better at doing the girl thing. I mean, I struggle when it comes to gifting boy gifts to my friends sons, I just stand in the toy aisle with a blank stare. Idk if anyone else has this problem, probably just me ?.
I had my boy first, and when I was pregnant with my second I really hoped it was a brother for him- I thought I could just be the “boy mom” and the Queen etc… the first baby bond is unique in itself aside from gender and I was completely obsessed with my little man. Our second turned out to be a girl, and I was so thrilled beyond my expectations, I think I’d been shielding myself to not have the let down feeling if it were another boy? Now she’s 1.5 and my son is 4, I am so insanely connected with her- she was actually born on my birthday so the bond is deep and unexpected and very special. She’s so snugly and fierce and all consuming- that I feel sad a lot that I don’t have my little man as close as I used to, he’s all daddy’s now, and the changes from 2-4 in little boys, with a new sibling, starting preK is quite challenging! Reading this gave me a pang in my heart, and I really want to try harder to get my little man relationship back in order again! It truly is a blessing to experience one of each!
I have a boy and girl as well and agree with all the comments! My Mom who also had a girl and boy always tells me to cherish the moments with my son because eventually sons ‘leave’ but daughters stay connected for life. I think that’s what makes the relationship so special, you know eventually that sweetness and devotion will be on someone else. Guys are so laid back they don’t mind spending time with their in laws, ladies not so much and want their husband spending time with their family!
Funny, same sort of story with us. When I got pregnant with our first child, I wanted a boy because my husband (being that manly man) reallllly wanted a boy. Thus, I was indifferent but then wanted a boy for him. We found out it was a girl and both reactions were “oh. sigh.” Queue the doctor reporting us for already being terrible parents. Turns out, our daughter Khloe is such a fierce independent spirit and the true love of our lives, in particular, in my husbands life. They have such a bond. So then when it came time for baby number two, my husband and I both reallllllly wanted a girl. We wanted the same amazing experience we had with our first daughter. Doctor comes in, “it’s a boy.” Again, our reaction: “oh. sigh.” And I was especially disappointed. Planning for this second girl, this sister, and we get brother. Well, you are so right. Tyler came into our lives and man, he is so the love of our lives also. He especially loves his mama and wants to hug me every chance he can (quite the opposite with diva Khloe). In any case, I look back now and especially after reading your blog post and think “how could I have ever been disappointed with my baby boy?” But it’s just human nature and it happens and we can’t beat ourselves up. We have both been blessed with a girl and a boy and get to experience the joys of both worlds. As always, love your blog and your instagram. Makes me feel connected to you and your family through our similar experiences and feelings. Thanks for sharing.
This was your sweetest post so far !!! Having grown up with a little sister as my bff and having had mainly girls cousins I had had practically almost no idea or experience of how little boys are, behave and communicate.Perhaps for this reason I have always wanted a daughter and when I finally conceived after many difficulties and struggle I secretely hoped for a girl.So when it was confirmed that we were having a boy I felt slightly disappointed and perplexed about becoming a mom to a boy.I did not allow myself to feel bad about it, cause after quite a struggle to conceive I thought it would be a sort of a hubris and bad energy.I kind of found myself though not feeling as excited as I thought I should be or as overly excited my husband was.Of course then I had my lovely son with the sweetest soul in this world and experienced each and every emotion you describe in your post regarding your bond with Major.He even does the same thing when I hug him,he putts my back and sometimes he suddelnly kisses me in one cheek and then points to the other cheek and says there there and kisses me to the other cheek too! Just another doting mom !!!
I can totally relate to this post. I had always a wanted a daughter, a best friend. My mother and I aren’t close at all so I really wanted that close relationship with my daughter. So I was overjoyed when I had my first child, a little girl, Mila Valentina. My husband (who never wanted kids) fell in love instantly. She’s an indepenent firecracker with a crazy imagination. So when we were planning for baby number two we had our heart set on another girl. It was only me and my little brother and we weren’t close growing up so I really wanted my daughter to have a sister that would be her best friend, share clothes, etc (that I never had). This time we were throwing the gender reveal party to surprise the family. When we got the call from the doctor and heard it was a boy, I cried. I’m sooo glad I didn’t have that reaction in front of the family. Anyways to cut the story short, I must say now I’m in love with my little man. He is the sweetest boy, always calling out for mama and giving me hugs and kisses. He just turned two and he is still sleeping in my bed. I now understand what everyone was saying about little boys that I don’t understand before.
It’s so true! I’m the oldest of three girls and girls are dominant on both sides of my family. My youngest sister has a daughter! So I was surprised when I found out we were having a boy. But it’s all so true, he’s snuggly and delicious and adorable. And now that he’s 3 and really talking a lot and showing his personality, he’s a total charmer.
Your description about this wonderful bond is spot on! I have a 4 yo daughter and a 1 yo boy and it is soooo true! My girl, so independent from the beginning but attached to my hip. My boy on the other hand, completely attached to my heart! So much it melts me! Boys are something else for sure! And I share your thoughts on the future girlfriend part! Ha!
Love this post!
Aw, exactly how I felt when I found out my second way a little boy. I have a sister, and wanted my daughter to have a sister so when I found out it was a boy, I was disappointed as well. They are now 17 and almost 15 years old, and my little one is still one of my best friends. Definitely a different bond than mother and daughter. So grateful to have one of each and so happy for you, that you get to experience the same, even if we didn’t feel that way at first. ?❤️
This article helped so much! I’ve been soooo nervous about the possibility of having a boy. I wanted a sister for my daughter. I read this and felt so much more at ease. Just found out I AM having a boy!! So glad I read this before or my reaction might not have been so nice LOL
THANKS
Awww I love that! And congrats! You are in for a treat 😉
So strange yet true; I also had a fierce and demanding daughter first, and had mixed feelings about being told my second was a boy with the ultrasound; I mean I wanted to experience both but it was just hard to imagine how I would relate to a boy. BUT WHOA; so snuggly and sweet. As you say, not superior to a girl, I think we see ourselves in them more and they seem a little more independent, vs he’s a little more clingy but also really sweet.