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Pre-Birth Feelings Update

Eva Amurri Martino of lifestyle and motherhood blog Happily Eva After, wearing all black and cradling her baby bump

I’m freaking out, you guys.  It’s really, really time to have this baby and the truth of the matter is that I’m feeling overwhelmed and unprepared.  It seems that the distractions of a cross-country move, a Toddler, a Husband, a home renovation, another move, and a business to run have done just that– distracted me.  And now all of a sudden, reality is sinking in and I’m not gonna lie…I’m an emotional wreck.  I feel like I just got used to our new house and new normal and now everything is going to change.  I’m enjoying my daughter more than ever before, and I wonder every day how this new baby will effect and change our relationship.  I wonder if I have the capacity to love and cherish another baby as much as my first (by the way, every Mama-of-more-than-one-kid EVER tells me not to worry about this…but I’m still worried), and how will that transition from one to two kids even go?!

As an outsider, you may say “But she’s done this before! She knows what’s about to happen! Why so nervous?” EXACTLY.  Whereas before Marlowe, I had no real idea about what labor, delivery, and newborn life was like, now I definitely do.  And (earmuffs first-time preggos) IT’S PRETTY OVERWHELMING.  Do most second-time Mamas feel this way? Probably.  Is that helping me calm down a little bit? I wish.

The other day, I went in for my weekly Midwife appointment, and when they asked me how I was feeling I immediately burst in to tears.  I talked all this through with them and they suggested that I journal my feelings to work through them and release the anxieties a little bit.  Since the best journal I have is this online one I like to call Happily Eva After, I figured I would share my feelings with all of you– because perhaps not enough women talk to each other about how scary, nervous, and overwhelming this time can be even though the end result is so joyful! I hope that in sharing today, I’m helping anyone who may be going through similar emotions to feel a little less alone (and a lot more “normal”).

Soooo, I’m also feeling pretty guilty.  I wish I could say that the only emotions I was feeling as my son is about to make his grand entrance are pure excitement and joy.  The truth is that those emotions are there, and are also accompanied by so many others.  Birth is an interesting thing, because it really is a partnership between you and your baby.  Women are so incredible because they not only grow children inside their wombs, but they are the one responsible for nourishing that child and (when the time comes) getting them out of there.  It’s a lot of pride, and a lot of responsibility.

After my miscarriage during my last pregnancy, I had a lot of grief (of course) but also a lot of self-doubt and feelings of mistrust for my body.  I think that even if it is false and misplaced blame, a lot of women who have suffered miscarriages convince themselves that there is something wrong with their bodies or with their own essence as a woman.  This feeling is so important to overcome and work through since not only is it untrue but it also helps nobody, least of all yourself.  One of the biggest reasons I decided to proceed with another Home Birth this pregnancy is because of how empowered and trusting of my body it made me feel when I birthed Marlowe.  I think after my miscarriage experience it will be extremely healing to go through such a powerful experience once more and to prove to myself that my body and my heart are as strong as they ever were.  In these days while I wait for my labor to start, however, the anticipation of this is nerve-wrecking and I find myself struggling with feelings of self-doubt all over again.  AM I strong enough? CAN I endure the intensity of labor as I once did?

Eva Amurri Martino of lifestyle and motherhood blog Happily Eva After cradling her baby bump in a black maternity top and jeans while sitting on a leather armchair in her master bedroom

I’m trying to work through these emotions by focusing on some important facts.  First of all, all labors are different.  My labor with Marlowe was excruciatingly long (36 hours), and I think that I automatically attach myself to the notion that this labor will be the same.  It won’t be.  Every labor is different just as every child is different, and I’m trying to focus on the intrigue of what those changes will be like– both between my labors with my two children and between my children themselves! Also, I’m trying to remind myself that in reality, I am much stronger as a woman and as a person than I was before I had my daughter.  I think when we become Mamas we learn to walk through fire– it is the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever done, and the job that has tested me in more ways than I can name.  When I was crying to my Midwife this week, she just looked right in to my eyes and reminded me, “But Eva, the last time you did this you weren’t a Mother. Now you are, and that is everything.”  I hadn’t even thought about that.  My capacity for Love, for Endurance, for Patience, for Strength, and for Resilience has grown exponentially since becoming a Mama– and I think it’s important for me to remind myself of that right now.  I think we should all remind ourselves of that all the time!

And as for my emotional bond with my sweet little guy inside me– I’m trusting that it will come.  Before Marlowe was born I had no idea I could love somebody so much and so completely, and to fall deeper in love with them all the time.  I’m looking forward to falling in love with this little boy more every day, and to learning about him just as I did with his sister.  I feel far from perfect right now, but I have to trust that I’m good enough– for this process and for my baby.  And that will get me through.  If you have any stories about overcoming second-time Mamahood fears please share!

The other day, Kyle, Marlowe, and I shot a simple little day-in-the-life video with awesome photographer/videographer Natasha Harri Fuller to capture this special time with just the three of us.  I cherish it so much and I wanted to share with all of you today!  My best friend has a great saying that she uses during trying times: “Bless it and Release it“.  I’m taking this up as my new mantra while I await this exhilarating whirlwind of change.  The only thing we can really count on is Change, and the future is looking bright…

 

 

Photographs by Stephanie Elliott Photography

 

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56 Comments

  1. Sue says:

    Happy Friday Sweet Eva! You got this Babe! I’m praying that Baby Boy arrives soon….as with everything in life…as humans we tend to have fear of the unknown. You know your son will arrive into a loving family. When he’s born…if all his needs (food, shelter, clean clothes, etc.) are met he will be fine. Yes, adding to your family is scary but exciting. Take one day, one hour or even one minute at a time. Please call upon friends near and far for support. Take take to care for EVA….love to you, Kyle, Lowie and Baby Boy Martino. Love, Auntie Sue

    PS-Shall I send Carob Bark? 😉

    10.07.16Reply
  2. Elizabeth says:

    I remember the thing I was the most nervous about with my second was the simple fact that I didn’t know this new little girl yet. I know everything about my first daughter, we are bonded and every sound she makes is like a call to action for me. I know what she needs at all times and I almost can’t remember a time that wasn’t true. With this new baby I had literally zero idea of what to expect or what she needed. I am happy to tell you, it just works out. It’s still hard of course because I mean there’s two and good grief for some reason women were only born with two hands, but it does work out. I had my first daughter for myself because I wanted to be a mom, I had my second as a gift for my first. Every time I am town in two directions and I feel guilty for not having the time I once did with my oldest I remember that I’m busy taking care of what I hope will someday be her best friend. I can now say as a mother of two, that you survive it and there will come a time very very soon where you will have trouble remembering when you weren’t a family of four.

    10.07.16Reply
    • Yes, exactly! I can totally relate to that idea of having your second as a gift to your first. Focusing on that right now!

      🙂

      10.10.16Reply
  3. Amber says:

    My second baby was due yesterday, she’s still baking, I am trusting she will come when she is ready. I too have been battling the ” how will my relationship with my son change” but he seems so excited to meet her and I know this will be such an amazing addition to complete our little family. We can only be our best selves and trust in the plan ahead of us. Our hearts are about to grow exponentially, relax and enjoy the moment! best of luck to you

    10.07.16Reply
    • Oh my gosh, congrats! I hope your sweet girl has made her debut by now and you are all enjoying her. Good luck to you guys!

      10.10.16Reply
    • IrisJ says:

      You may have a somewhat idealistic view of the sibling relationship (it can be very complex and fraught, and I know many people who are estranged from their siblings — far from being best friends), but I hope it works out for you and your kids! 🙂

      01.02.17Reply
  4. Angela says:

    Your video is beautiful and made me a little tearly remembering my son at the same age (he’s only 4 but seems miles away from 2). Connecticut is a wonderful place to grow up. I left for many years but so happy I’m back.

    10.07.16Reply
  5. Rach says:

    You’ve got this!
    You are an incredible mama and woman and you will pull your strength from your experience but also the overwhelming and crazy scary excitement of meeting your little boy!
    I can’t imagine the array of feelings you’re experiencing going to a mama of 2 as I’m only a first time mama – but the anticipation of labour is enough to send anyone into an emotional mess, but it’s so exciting and empowering and you will come through this with a complete family
    😘

    10.07.16Reply
  6. Alessan says:

    Hey Eva! I am 21 years old and I can honestly say that I have not given birth yet. I know what you are thinking… what the hell does she know hahaha but I just want to cheer you up and send you some positivity since you seem to be quite anxious about the days soon to come. I just want to let you know that I am sooooo excited for you, you have the family that I so dream to eventually have. You have a beautiful house (which is my dream house), a sexy husband who I know loves you and your daughter to death, the most beautiful little girl and the most talented, wise Mother (the Great Susan Sarandon). I am just pointing out all of the positives in your life to help get you through the next days. I know that you know how blessed you are and I am keeping you in my thoughts for the days to come!

    I can’t wait to see your little boy <3

    Best,
    Alessan xox

    10.07.16Reply
  7. Vicky says:

    Dear Eva… you so got this you just don’t know it yet! I remember when I was having my second all those scary feelings your are feeling right now.. how can I love someone the same as I love my son- I remember feeling how will I take care of a daughter & my husband said “but you are a girl” & I said “but I know how to care of a boy” silly right -but I knew every little nuance & detail about my first born & then you have your second & all the love just multiplies & everything you need to know you learn & it just happens & before you know you are a bigger & more loving family full of a new wonderful life together with all it brings. Your heart will be filled watching Lowie be a big sister and the love she’ll show her baby brother. I had a miscarriage with my 3rd & getting pregnant for the 4th time with our surprise blessing many years later was terrifying as to what my body could do & how will this change our family again. And it is all a blessing & the love continues to grow as you’re family does in such special ways… You got this! Woman are truly amazing – we just don’t always know it yet💕

    10.07.16Reply
    • Thank you so much for the words of support, Vicky! It means a lot coming from somebody who has been through it too!!!

      10.10.16Reply
  8. Cat says:

    Eva,
    I feel you sister. I felt all the things you are feeling before my second daughter was born. I had a short and intense labor with her sister but she ended up in the NICU which I was SURE was my fault. It wasn’t and I know that now but man was I sure it would happen again. I was sure I wouldn’t be enough for two kids. I was sure I couldn’t love another one the way I loved my first and once again I was so wrong. They are two of the most different little people on the planet and I love them both so much I think sometimes my heart will explode. I felt it from the moment that my second was born. DAMN was I a lucky Mama to have been blessed with not one but TWO incredible little people. They try my patience on a pretty regular basis being nearly 7 (on Tuesday!!!!) and 3 but I wouldn’t know what to do without them. It’s like they have always been here and I’ve always been their Mama. You will be amazing and the whole Happily Eva family is behind you 100%.
    Much much love to you, Kyle, Lowie and baby boy from Cat, Cassie and Kate.
    XO

    10.07.16Reply
  9. Cat says:

    Dear Eva,

    I’m a SAHM to two little ones (4yo girl and 14 month old boy. I love your blog and q&as because you express a lot of that inner monologue we all have as moms and women. I too felt exactly like you are. My son (just like your son will be) is a rainbow baby, and I was overjoyed to carry him and at the idea of having him. But my daughter was my whole word for 3 years and the thought of throwing that perfect balance and routine out the window scared the heck outta me.

    Here is I’m brutally honest with you: it’s gonna be hard. The transition from 1 to 2 for me was undoubtedly tougher than 0 to 1. There is no down time, or alone time, or privacy. To a degree higher than all of those with just 1. I remember at time nursing a newborn, feeling like a zombie and having to read and make time for my big girl. You’all feel guilt, exhaustion, hormones, “why, God, why?” Feelings. But you’ll adapt, and adjust, and find your new normal. And then you’ll realize you can’t imagine life without both your little ones and as crazy beautiful as it is!

    Good luck! Sending thought of love and joy your way and you welcome baby boy into this world and make this huge transition. From one mama to another-just enjoy as your heart doubles in size! 🙂

    Cat

    10.07.16Reply
    • Thank you! I’m sure that the newborn phase will be TOUGH this time. And I thought it was bad last time- ha!

      10.10.16Reply
  10. Noelle says:

    Every stage and season of life is special. You will forever cherish the time you had with just you, your husband and your sweet daughter. Just like being engaged is amazing, being a newlywed, the anticipation of expecting your first. Life is full of so many joys, that are all amazing in their own way. Know that you are giving your daughter the most wonderful gift of a sibling. Watching my daugthers, now 4 and 3, play together and love on each other is such a joy, and I know that they will always have a eachother. Anticipation, fear, anxiety are all normal when you are entering a new stage in your life. But I will say, having a newborn felt like a breeze the second time around (it’s the having a toddler part that was hard!). And as scary as labor and delivery is, is there anything in the world more magical than bringing a life into this world, and that feeling of seeing your baby for the first time. Best of luck and know that this next stage will be just as amazing!

    10.07.16Reply
    • Awww I love hearing that! I definitely feel more confident this time around so hopefully that will translate to a more chill experience all around 🙂

      10.10.16Reply
  11. Averill says:

    It’s an anxious time, awaiting the arrival of a new baby. The transition process from 1 to 2 IS really tough (just as going from 0 to 1 was), but it’s important to remember that “this too shall pass” and life will resettle and a new normal emerge.

    My kiddos are 23 months apart so my second pregnancy was largely (for lack of a better word) ignored while I chased after a young toddler. So I went into that labor and delivery much less connected than with my first. What was interesting though was that my second L&D was WAY more connected/WAY more memorable (in a good way) and the bond I felt with my younger son was, frankly, more instantaneous than the one I felt with my elder. Over 3 and a half years later, I love my boys with such different loves, which I suppose is fitting because they are different people and, as such, our relationships are different. But I do know that I love them with an equal ferocity. And I’m sure you will, too. Best of luck in the coming weeks — you got this!

    10.07.16Reply
    • Thank you! You know I have actually heard from many of my friends about that quicker and more intense bond the second time around. We’ll see! So much nervous excitement ahhhhhh 🙂

      10.10.16Reply
  12. Alexis says:

    First and foremost, I appreciate your candor and sincerity. It is refreshing to see someone whom has grown up in the “limelight” and as a “celebrity child,” that is grounded.

    Secondly, love the name Marlowe so much, you inspired the name for my now 16 month old Niece, since I have been such a fan and follower of yours over the last couple of years, before the inception of your website.

    You really show the glowing, nitty-gritty of Motherhood, and while I am not a Mother yet, and have only experienced what it is like to be a “Step-Mother” role to my boyfriend’s son over the last two years, and ,maintain a positive co-parenting relationship with his mother in a “blended family” this day and age. I find reading your blog so educating, honest, current, and approachable.

    Wishing nothing but love and the best for your beautiful, growing family!

    Much Love and Happiness,

    Alexis Denn

    10.07.16Reply
    • Alexis says:

      I accidentally posted twice because I thought my first post did not publish. Apologies for my over zealousness.

      10.07.16Reply
  13. Michelle says:

    Eva- I have a daughter born a week after Marlowe. We actually took the same mommy class in LA together! I casually glance at this blog and have to say this post resonated SO much with me. I really want a second baby- and the ONLY thing holding me back is this immense amount of guilt of shafting my daughter. Will she understand that a sibling is a gift and how wonderful it is? Will she be sad that she won’t get our full attention anymore? I work full time and can I even do that and handle 2 even with a nanny? So. Much. Guilt. I go to a mommy therapy group with my friends and the LCSW assures me this is normal and the feelings of mourning and loss are totally expected, but it still breaks my heart. You are not alone. I’m not even pregnant yet and the idea of it breaks my heart. Glad to know I’m also not alone. Good luck mama- remind yourself, the heart grows!

    10.07.16Reply
    • Hi Michelle! Wow that’s so funny, small world! 🙂 I think sometimes with pregnancy/babies we never feel fully ready until they’re here. Even when I got pregnant last time and miscarried I was going through similar feelings of “is this the right time”. We just had to take a deep breath and “jump” in to the experience since we knew we wanted a sibling for Lowie eventually. It DOES come with soooo many feelings though (obviously). Good luck!

      10.10.16Reply
  14. Pearl says:

    I loved this post and all your pregnancy related posts. I’m a first time mom, and I was due the same week as you, also with a baby boy. I’ve been following your journey in your pregnancy online as I’ve gone through mine. It was nice to follow along with a real person, instead of the babycenter weekly updates. We were induced at 37 weeks for cholestasis and now we’re at home with a 1 week old boy. Thank you again for sharing your pregnancy journey, it has helped me get through the last eight months (especially the weekly preggo updates in the newsletter!) and I look forward to seeing updates on baby boy and your family of four!

    10.07.16Reply
    • Oh wow CONGRATS!!! That’s so exciting. I know these past couple weeks have probably been tough for you guys, newborn phase can be crazy-making. Sending you good sleeping-baby vibes!!! 😉
      xx

      10.10.16Reply
  15. Heather says:

    I remember feeling scared before the birth of my second child, but thankfully my second labour was so much quicker than my first which was a real (but very welcome) surprise. Your body knows exactly what to do, just go with it and remember you have done it before, you can do it again. Good luck and best wishes xxx

    10.07.16Reply
  16. Alexis says:

    Eva,

    First and foremost, much love and light to you and your growing family. You always have such a gentle, genuine, and approachable way of showing the real and non-sugarcoated view of life, especially Mom life.

    Thank you for your candor with the ups and downs and making things easy to relate to. While I’m not a Mom yet, I am filling the role of a role model to my boyfriend of two years, son, and with a “blended family,” and beautiful co-parenting relationship with Jackson’s Mother and Father, I do at times, find turning to your blog as an assistance to my parenting. I hope one day to have another child and be as cool, hip, and authentic as you are with Marlowe.

    I have been a fan of you since before your blog’s inception and seeing how it has grown over the last year is fantastic! Love the new layout.

    In a world consumed by glamour, and celebrity, it is phenomenal to see how grounded you, your husband and extended family are.

    Wishing your family nothing but health and happiness in the coming weeks. Cheers to Baby Boy Martino!

    Much Love,

    Alexis Denn

    10.07.16Reply
  17. Trisha says:

    I was right there with you! I just had my 2nd son 8 days ago (he was due in mid Oct). Before his birth, I was so caught up in anxiety and fear and doubt. I worried I wouldn’t love him as much as my first. I worried about labor. I even worried about dying during childbirth, because I now had a 2-year-old that needed me. I felt like getting pregnant was so selfish of me! But I’m happy to say, it feels like you grow another heart for your new baby! To me, it wasn’t the overwhelming love of a new mom but the huge love for my first continued on for the second child. My labor was easier and much shorter, the epidural was amazing this time, and I think I pushed 3 total times. Life with a newborn is exhausting again, and my toddler definitely has some jealousy when I’m holding the baby but he seems to really love and is interested in his brother. Good luck and just know that everything will work out wonderfully!

    10.07.16Reply
    • Thank so much, Trisha! I’m hoping to have a similar experience (and I was definitely sobbing two nights ago telling my husband not to let our daughter forget me if I died in childbirth…YIKESSSS). I think with all the hormones and all the changes this stuff is totally normal, albeit hard to experience. Glad you had a great second experience!

      10.10.16Reply
  18. Nannick says:

    Hello wonderful Eva,

    I haven’t birthed one child let alone two! So i am of no advice whatever to you in this department very helpful i know! But I do know a lot about anxiety and fearing change as I am a antsy sufferer myself.
    It struck me that you are worried about a lot of ‘what if…’s’ before the said what if is even on the radar. All the things that are in your control getting everything organized, prepped, bought and ready you have all completed hands down. GO YOU! I know how challenging this is but stressing about things beyond your control doesn’t change anything. Stressing about the things you can control I think is very healthy. I’d be more worried if there wasn’t any anxiety to begin with. And know that if problems do come on your path they are resolvable. You have your doula team around you and your loved ones! And of course goes without saying your virtual community too, we’re all behind you. Try to focus on the good and controllable and have faith that issues that may rise will be tackled when risen. You are not alone. Much fuel, spark, love and peanut seltzers send from Antwerp go Eva go gO!

    10.07.16Reply
  19. Monica Jessen says:

    Hi, beautiful video!I thought about not posting because you have so many great and encouraging comments already,but I wanted to share, that for me becoming a mother for the 1st time was a lot harder than I realized. I struggled with the demands of a newborn and not being so self centered. I fought it. I waited 4 years to have my 2nd and I was very concerned about struggling again. It was funny though because, like you said every labor is different and my 1st labor was difficult, but my 2nd son came into this world like a wrecking ball. It was one of those labor scenes you see in the movies, fast and intense. Let me tell you from that moment on, all my concerns were pushed aside and I was off and running as a 2nd time mom of 2. Believe it or not, but it was so much easier than the 1st time. I had been baptized into motherhood by my 1st son, so everything with my 2nd was familiar. I was a pro now, didn’t know that I was, but it was all so much easier to manage. Newborns are and will always be challenging, however I was prepared now, just like you are. Funny thing I noticed, much later on of course, because I was much more relaxed and confident as a mom, my 2nd baby was as well. He was much more mellow than my 1st, and I wholly believe now, in hindsight that, it’s because I was more mellow. Anyway, as natural and instinctive as your body and mind is bringing a baby in this world, so will it also be when the little guy is here and part of your family. Try not to overthink it. Looking forward to meeting him. Please let Kyle know I’m a BIG fan of his and love his insights on all things soccer. I have 3 boys now and we’re a huge soccer family. Take care.

    10.07.16Reply
    • Thanks so much Monica! And I will tell Kyle 😉
      xx

      10.10.16Reply
  20. Margo says:

    Oh Eva, the video was so sweet! I had tears in my eyes watching it. Your family is beautiful and I love watching Marlowe grow! Thank you for sharing with your readers. Wishing you a safe and beautiful birthing of Baby Boy Martino, anxiously awaiting the announcement. Much love to you all,
    Margo

    10.07.16Reply
  21. Calley says:

    Beautiful video! What an amazing keepsake and memory to have. I felt exactly the sameness way with baby 2 and 3. And labours and deliveries were different but easier than the first because let’s be real here the path has been worn by baby number 1. Enjoy your birth day as it is a very few in a lifetime experience even the tough moments will pass and be fond memories. And your relationship with Marlowe will grow even more when you see her relationship with her little brother. It is AMAZING!

    10.07.16Reply
    • The path has been worn…HA! Yes! Crossing my fingers for that

      10.10.16Reply
  22. Catherine says:

    Hi Eva,

    Your post made me realize I’ve been holding in all my fears since having 2 kids; fear that I can’t give each the attention they need, fear that I secretly miss my life with just my eldest, and fear that I’m not going to adapt to my new “normal.” It’s nice to hear others, like you, share their thoughts and their journeys because it’s sometimes easy to feel alone as a mom (or I feel that way). I hope that’s not silly of me. After reading your post and watching your beautiful video, the bless it and release it quote hit home for me, and I’d like to do more of that myself and enjoy the simple moments. I also just felt compelled to post and say that I think you’re doing an awesome job as a mom and doing a great job with your website. I wish you and your family all the best, and I can’t wait to hear more about your little boy! Good luck!

    10.07.16Reply
    • Thank you SO much Catherine for the encouraging words! I think it’s normal as Moms to always feel like we’re falling short. It’s important to focus on the ways we’re succeeding even in the smallest of ways. Bless and release! 🙂

      10.10.16Reply
  23. Julie Gronouski says:

    Crazy making days leading up to the big day! I had twins my second time around and actually felt a little resentful- so worried about the disruption and lack of attention that I’d be able to give the fun toddler, whom I adored. I was going to have two needy little intruders join the family!!
    During the last weeks of my pregnancy my son exclaimed how excited he was to meet his new friends- guess if he could welcome them I should start being a little more hospitable!
    It all works out – love is triumphant! I wish you well and have fun watching Marlowe greet her baby brother.😘

    10.07.16Reply
    • oh my gosh…one and then TWINS?! Youre my hero!!!! Haha and my daughter is the same, she is super excited about her little brother. The feelings of anxiety are definitely mine and mine alone (thankfully!)

      10.10.16Reply
  24. Bre says:

    Having just added a second myself in July, I really feel for you. You are not sleeping well, worried how Marlowe will adjust and it’s physically not fun right now for you. you will certainly be tired the first couple of weeks but at least for me, second kid has been way easier. You have more confidence in yourself and it’s just a little more natural. And labor? You already carved the path last time. It’s so easy to say don’t worry, but it’s really just smoother on #2. Even your recovery is better. You are going to do so good with delivery and Marlowe will love being a big girl and big sister. Everyone whines about the 2 under 2 group but it’s easier than I thought. You will do great

    10.07.16Reply
  25. Andrea says:

    Hi Eva!
    Lovely post, thank you for your honesty. Your midwife nailed it, you’re a mother now this time around. That kind of love will be strengthening for the next steps of your journey. Happily Eva After readers are all wishing and praying your and your family’s safety and health! Much love to you and the rest of the Martinos! ❤️

    10.08.16Reply
  26. Tai says:

    So sorry you’re “in the swirl”, Eva. That’s what I call it when I feel bad and then guilty that I feel bad and then upset that I feel guilty and it just swirls around and around….

    What works for me is when I remember this:

    Everything in life so far has worked out.

    Literally everything. Every problem you’ve ever had, the miserable days, worst case scenarios and shocking, painful events, all brought you to a pretty happy space today. Tough times came, you dealt with them, felt your feelings, and got through it.

    So no matter what happens, you’ll be okay. Even if the worst case scenario happens, it’s happened before, and you handled it. You’re capable and strong and you’ve done it before.

    Best wishes to you and your fam.

    –TM

    10.08.16Reply
  27. Mother of two says:

    Everything’s gonna be alright!

    10.08.16Reply
  28. Jen says:

    Awwww you got this Eva!!! I completely know how you feel, my second pregnancy I was consumed with fear and anxiety as I too miscarried late term prior to the pregnacey.
    I also had a five year old son that was anxiously awaiting his new sister. I had to be strong for him and let him know all was going to be ok, his baby sister was going to be ok. But Deep down I was petrified and I was not sure all was going to be ok, I wouldn’t know until she was born. Fast foward I had a healthy baby girl the labor was faster and I only pushed twice. You will be fine Eva all your fears and concerns and anxiety are normal. I can’t wait to hear your birth story, so for now focus on your daughter and enjoy the time you have alone with her…. it’s a special time indeed. ❤️

    10.09.16Reply
    • Thank you so much, Jen, this is very encouraging! 🙂 xo

      10.10.16Reply
  29. Chelsea says:

    The most beautiful and heartwarming video I’ve seen. Thanks for sharing it with us.

    10.09.16Reply
  30. Greg Fillmore says:

    Hello Eva,

    It is neat to hear the good progress about your pregnancy, a soul is about ready to come around again, its pretty neat.

    Maybe each human being is a god, but we choose to forget, that we create much of it, except all that law wall stuff at the law library! HA!

    Sorry, that was just a short side path about free will, I am a tangenty kind of a guy.

    For me it has been a time of 6 to 8 changes at a time, boy its similus to six dimensional chess on Star Trek! As Spock would say, fascinating.

    I would like to share a pithy comment more often, just a busy life, moving, observing those delays, somedays it feels like I am Rod Serling narrating a Twilight Zone episode.

    Don’t worry, I am a Gilligans Island, Night Court kinda guy, mixed in with Dancing Lady.

    Still seeking my Joan Crawford to her Clark Gable.

    I’m getting closer.

    Anyway sorry to share some of the just general watercolor paint kit stuff, your superior blog is sincerely appreciated Eva.

    Just if you feel the need, mix in some Star Trek as well as Anne of Green Gables novels with Marlowe as well as your son to come.

    My mother Kathy, we learned much about sincere true friendship together with Anne of Green Gables, sharing what kindred friendship really is.

    Anyway all the best to you Eva with your family.

    Green with mountains especially this time of year is the best.

    Your work is sincerely appreciated.

    Greg Fillmore

    10.09.16Reply
  31. Alison Greenspon says:

    I love your honesty. I had the pleasure of seeing you and Marlowe in action at Serena & Lily a couple of weeks ago. She is a doll and you are too. You have such a kind, easy going way about you. The little video of a day in your life brought tears to my eyes. Stunning and sweet moments you’ll treasure forever. I am not a mother yet, but hope to be some day! Thank you for sharing!

    10.11.16Reply
  32. Lauren says:

    That video is so sweet! Totally crying lol..thank you so much for posting your thoughts and emotions. I am going through some similar emotions and it makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone. I can only hope I can be as brave and strong as you<3

    10.14.16Reply