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Major Is One

Major Martino is dressed up in an old fashioned suit to celebrate his first birthday

Happy First Birthday to our sweetest Major Boy! Today is so bittersweet– I feel so excited and fortunate to celebrate the happy, healthy first birthday of our not-so-little bundle of joy– BUT Major’s first birthday is officially the last first birthday we will ever celebrate! And I can hardly believe it! Before you have kids, everyone with kids tells you how fast it all goes.  “Blink and they’re in college!” people love to say as you’re waddling down the aisle of the supermarket with your huge baby bump.  Or you’ll be bleary eyed in Starbucks with your newborn and the nice lady next to you will lean over and tell you she remembers when her daughter was that tiny– and now she has a baby of her own! Whenever people tell you this before Motherhood, you always do a little close mouthed smile and nod, “I bet! That’s what I hear anyway!”  Then you have your own children.  And man are the days long sometimes but HOLY COW ARE THE YEARS SHORT.  Now here we are, and the smiley, chilled out, buddha baby of mine is not a baby anymore.  Major has officially passed the one year milestone.  And I have to say that this birthday is bringing up so many emotions for me.

Major Martino is dressed up in an old fashioned suit to celebrate his first birthday

Major Martino holds a gold confetti filled balloon to celebrate his first birthday

The first emotion is one of absolutely bottomless gratitude.  My beautiful son has changed my life in so many ways.  When I first found out I was pregnant with a boy, I was a little shell-shocked.  I can’t say that I ever really had thought about having a son, if I’m being totally honest.  At that point I was used to having a daughter, I was SO close with my daughter, and I kind of believed that I only grew girl babies in my little EZ-Bake Oven.  I was also extremely sick at the beginning of my pregnancy with Major, so everyone was quick to tell me that it was probably another girl.  I got used to the idea, and started imagining two little sisters running around together.  When we cut in to the cake to reveal a smear of blue icing, I was extremely surprised.  For a half a second I thought they had made a mistake at the bakery. Ha! It was funny because in a certain sense, I suddenly realized that I was getting the beautiful gift of experiencing both genders of children (since we were sure we were only going to have two), but I was also a little scared.  What if I couldn’t connect emotionally with a son like I had with my daughter? What if I wasn’t a “good” boy Mom? What if I couldn’t handle it? I think I was so overwhelmed because I was also still reeling from the heartbreak and rage of my miscarriage.  My pregnancy with Major was such an emotionally delicate one.  I was constantly going back and forth with feelings of fear, fury, unworthiness, anxiety, and confusion about what I was going to be able to offer this little being growing inside me.  I was desperate to hold him in my arms and also so terrified to allow myself to love him.  In a lot of ways, it was the period of my life where I felt the most rudderless.

Major Martino wears a vintage suit to celebrate his first birthday

Kyle Martino helps his son Major sit for his first birthday portraits

And then he was born.  From the moment I went in to labor with my son, I realized that the experience just ahead was going to be such a precious gift.  While my labor with my daughter felt fierce and challenging, my labor with my son felt blessed and intentional.  Whereas with my daughter’s birth I felt like a survived and conquered an enormous life event, with my son I felt completely empowered and in control.  It was the only experience in my life where I could feel my worldview changing with every moment.  I could feel the growth it was sparking in me.  As I pushed my son in to the world and ushered him safely in to my arms, I felt more powerful, loved, and loving than I ever have in my life.  I gazed down at him and in an instant the rage, confusion, and fury that had lurked beneath the surface of my mind since my miscarriage melted away and my heart felt healed.  I felt the most startling soul connection with him.  As I held him close I whispered, “Thank you, thank you, thank you” so many times in his tiny, perfect ear.  I still find myself thanking him.  In the past year he’s taught me so much about myself.  With his birth, he taught me about faith and the depths of my capacity to love my children. After his accident and subsequent skull fracture at five weeks old, he taught me about resilience and forgiveness.  And when I suffered from PTSD and postpartum depression and anxiety as I struggled to come to terms with that event in our lives, he showed me trust and unconditional love.  He brightens up the life of our family in so many ways.  I’ve seen Marlowe blossom as the absolute best big sister, and Kyle blossom as everything I always knew he was capable of as a father and caretaker.

Marlowe and Major Martino play with balloons during the portraits for Major's first birthday

Marlowe and Major Martino play with balloons during the portraits for Major's first birthday

Marlowe and Major Martino play with balloons during the portraits for Major's first birthday

Major has been a missing puzzle piece for all three of us in so many ways, and of course we can’t imagine life without him.  It was always meant to be him.  And what a little personality he has! He is so easygoing, but also SO funny.  I’ve said it before but Major has the best sense of humor out of anybody I’ve ever met.  At a year old, he understands jokes, comedic timing, and sarcasm, and is always ready to laugh.  When he smiles, his whole face smiles– which is exactly like his Dad, and one of my favorite things about both of them.  He’s a snuggler, big time, which I absolutely can’t get enough of– and now he’s starting to lean in for kisses and hugs.  Major loves music, too! Any time a song comes on, he grooves to the beat, and throws his arms up in the air if he’s really feeling it.   Sometimes on the monitor at bedtime, we’ll hear him humming and singing songs to himself.  He has the appetite of a grown man, and strokes my Mama ego big time when he starts excitedly yelling and clapping every time he sees me start to cook something.  Then he cleans his plate! Major loves waving hello to passerby and new friends, and says a shy little “Hi” to go along with it. When anybody says goodbye to him he waves and blows a kiss.  When he reads books, he points his one little finger and traces the words and pictures on each page, and it just about breaks my heart. As he grows in to a man, I hope this softness, sincerity, and inherent kindness sticks with him.

Eva Amurri Martino sits with one year old son Major for his first birthday portraits

Eva Amurri Martino laughs with one year old son, Major James

When I watch him every day, I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to call him mine, that my little family is safe and complete– and that we are so fortunate to have each other.  This year has held so many personal challenges, but overall it really has been the best year yet.  As I lay my sweet boy in his crib last night on the eve of his first birthday, I was already crying silently– knowing that these little details of every moment with him will be vanished memories at some point in time.  That no matter how many things I write down there will always be details that don’t make it in to the memory bank, that are fleeting, precious, and sacred.  I leaned down to kiss him one last time and whispered what I always whisper in my children’s ears when they go to sleep: “You are so loved, you are so blessed, you are so safe.”

I know that not every single moment in my son’s life will be perfect, or safe, or exactly what he deserves– but boy I hope he knows how much he’s loved.  You are our perfect blessing, Major Boy.  Let’s celebrate!

Photographs by Courtney Ann Photography

Marlowe’s Dress: Worthy Threads

Major’s suit: Vintage

 

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28 Comments

  1. Dani says:

    Dear Eva,
    about a year ago I read an article in a german newspaper about “Susan Sarandons daughter” writing about her homebirth. That’s how I found your instagram account and your website. And ever since I am a big fan of the Martino-Family, especially of course of Lowie and Bubba, whom I literally follow since his day one. And here I am today celebrating 1 year Mayor, 1 year me being a Happily-Eva-Fan, 1 year following your instagram enjoying your daily stories, beauty routine and everything else.
    I want to thank you for that and wishing your little darling boy the happiest first birthday with many more to come.
    All the best for you and your whole family,

    Love from Berlin
    Dani

    10.19.17Reply
  2. Dan Woog says:

    Happy birthday, Major! And don’t worry, Eva. Thanks to your influence — and Kyle’s — he will grow up to be a wonderful, kind, caring, empathetic, compassionate — and tough, funny, smart and way cool — young man!

    10.19.17Reply
  3. Anne says:

    Happy birthday, Major!! What a wonderful post – crying in my coffee over here.

    My husband and I have two girls – 5 1/2 years old and 15 months. When I was pregnant with my youngest I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to love her as much as my older daughter – she’d been my only baby for over four years and we were (and still are) best friends. But the moment she was born those worries faded so quickly. It’s amazing how much your heart can grow as each child is born.

    Hope you all have a wonderful time celebrating Major’s birthday!

    10.19.17Reply
  4. Nikki says:

    I’m curious as to how you chose to name him Major because it’s so unique? Great Post!

    10.19.17Reply
  5. Brittany says:

    So sweet Eva, Happy Birthday sweet Major boy!!

    10.19.17Reply
  6. Donna says:

    Happy 1st birthday Major 🎈🎈
    I am emotional as I remember the day he was born. Thank u for sharing ur family
    With my 2 sons grown & on their own, I love following ur little kiddies. They are blessed to have such great mom & dad ❤️

    10.19.17Reply
  7. Amy says:

    “It was always meant to be him.” Melting. 😭That sums up exactly how I feel about all three of my rainbow babies despite how difficult it was to go through those losses. Happy birthday, Major!

    10.19.17Reply
  8. Darcy says:

    Sitting here, 12 weeks pregnant with my first, crying into my tea. Your precious little family and the way you share it brings me so much joy. Thank you thank you.

    10.19.17Reply
  9. Gemma says:

    Aw what a little dumplin’! Congratulations to you and your family and happy birthday to the little man himself! Just the sweetest thing : )

    Gemma
    http://www.fadedwindmills.com

    10.19.17Reply
  10. Jordy says:

    Happy Birthday Major!!!!! I swear, this kid climbed out of a painting. He’s so adorable and perfect. You’ve had a rough journey, hope this day is a great day for you to celebrate as well.

    10.19.17Reply
  11. Jessica Pichardo says:

    Oh Eva! You’ve made me cry! :’) I have been following you since I read about Major skull fracture and immediately fell in love with your HEA and also your family. I felt connected to you because my son was born 2 months and a day before Major and I was experiencing postpartum depression those first months. Reading about your struggle made me realize that I was not alone even though I have no family in the US. Everyday I watch your Instagram stories and my son love’s watching the ones that feature Major and Marlowe 🙂

    Thank you so much for always being so honest and for shedding light in lots of mommy issues that as a I first time mom I’ve had. Lots of blessings for the birthday boy Major and your family.

    Sincerely,
    Jess

    10.19.17Reply
  12. Ashley Meissner says:

    Happy birthday little man! My daughter is 10 months old and we call Major her boyfriend because she loves watching him on your insta stories with me. This brought me such happy tears! Thank you for sharing your family with all of us!

    10.19.17Reply
  13. Stephanie F says:

    My little girl turns one on Tuesday. Your post has me crying at my desk. Happiest of Birthdays, Major!

    10.19.17Reply
  14. Libb says:

    MAJOR-cheers little buddy!
    You’re such a healing light in this world.
    Always shining!

    10.19.17Reply
  15. Ashley says:

    I am in a class of 5th graders and decided to read this post. Bad mistake. I am trying not to cry in front of 20 ten year olds.
    Your post is so beautiful and moving. I had my second baby this past June and love watching your Instastories as a kind of foreshadowing as to how hopefully my two boys will be with each other.

    10.19.17Reply
  16. Major is such a sweet,adorable special baby,love the photos Eva,seeing photos of him and Marlowe warms my heart 🙂 Happy Birthday to this cute little guy

    10.19.17Reply
  17. Stephanie Gold says:

    Dear Eva, I’ve been a reader of your blog since you were pregnant with Major and I love to see all of the videos and updates that you share about both of your children. I’m not yet a mother, but reading your posts makes me excited (and a little nervous) for the journey. I truly enjoy the honesty and emotion that you bring to every topic that you write about on this blog. Both Major and Marlowe are so lucky to have a mother like you. Wishing Major a truly wonderful 1st birthday!!!

    10.19.17Reply
  18. Tracy says:

    Wow bring on the tears!

    I am a new followers of yours and I’m so happy I found you!
    Our babies are about the same age and I can relate to you so very much.

    Thank you for your posts and your blog! You are a light in a world of darkness!

    10.19.17Reply
  19. Audra says:

    Happy Birthday, sweet Major! My little guy, Knute, and Major are just 4 days apart. I happened upon your Instagram weeks after giving birth.

    Can’t tell you how many times I have checked in on your account to read/watch words that almost exactly describe what I have been experiencing. It’s been a great source of support and reassurance that the journey of motherhood, although bumpy, plays out exactly as its supposed to. We just have to be patient enough to see past the bumps and soak up the pure joy our sweet kiddos bring us.

    Thank you for sharing your family. This day is for you too! Sending big birthday wishes from Alaska!

    – Audra

    10.19.17Reply
  20. Maria says:

    Happy birthday Major!!!

    Hugs,

    Maria from London

    10.19.17Reply
  21. Sarai Cevallos says:

    Omg, i’m Really excited for major’s birthday💘 i love us 🎉♥️

    10.19.17Reply
  22. Julia Jones says:

    Eva,

    I somehow “landed” on your website sometime ago, and never left! I think it was the initial curiosity–& truthfully, knowing about your Mother, & your clear relation, let’s say I was intrigued!

    You have really knocked it out of the park Eva. You are a gifted writer, and have so many talents in the home, that you have created an interesting and beautifully crafted site for your readers.

    There is something elusive and yet extremely likeable about you Eva. I hope you are proud of your accomplishments, because you damn well should be!

    10.20.17Reply
  23. Kulsoom Jafri says:

    Happy birthday to your sweet boy! As a mama of two teens, a son and a daughter, I can definitely attest to feeling blessed to having both a son and a daughter, they are so different, to how fast the years fly by. I remember fondly the preschool days of arts and crafts and bedtime stories as I drop my teens to high school every morning. Can’t imagine how fast the days have flown by. Thank you for allowing us a peek into your daily lives. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy your little ones and the zest and joy you all seem to go through each day with. You and Kyle clearly are so patient and loving with your babies and it really is such fun to be able to watch them grow. They are your babies of course, but even if it sounds strange to say, since I know I don’t know you personally, I really feel like they are family as well. I love seeing them grow and appreciate how real you all are and how much you share with all of us. I hope Major had a wonderful birthday and God bless him with health, happiness and many incredible moments in the years ahead! Look forward to seeing pics of his party! Thanks again!

    10.20.17Reply
  24. Debbie Sugimoto says:

    Eva,You seem so grounded and content and happy with your kids and your life. They are beautiful kids. What I love is the innocence I see in them, so refreshing to see kids just being sweet little kids!! Enjoy your time with them, your priorities seem spot on, your kids and husband seem to be most important. God bless and thank you for sharing. Happy 1st Birthday sweet Major and belated 3rd to Marlowe!!!
    Debbie

    10.20.17Reply
  25. Brigit says:

    Beautiful

    10.22.17Reply
  26. Christin says:

    Happy Birthday Majorboy!

    I love watching your Instastorys, because my daughter turns one year on November 12th. And I followed you through your pregnancy and Majors firstyear, while I was pregnant by myself and gave birth to my daughter. There is soooo my in common 🙂
    And your letters in your blog are reflecting so much my feelings, it is a joy to be part of your Community!

    Love greetings from Germany,
    Husum

    10.22.17Reply