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Five Years Married

Eva Amurri Martino and husband Kyle Martino pictured embracing in 2011 the night before their wedding in charleston SC

This photograph was taking the night before we were married, at our rehearsal dinner in Charleston, South Carolina.  When I look at it I immediately think of so many things.  Firstly, I wonder what was going on with Kyle’s sideburns, and also who let me wear hoop earrings to my own rehearsal dinner.  After I get over those two shocks, I can’t believe how young we look, and how desperately we are clinging on to one another.  I don’t think we’ve ever held (all of our) hands together like that since.  We were SO excited to get married, and felt so ready.  We stood there that night and listened while people we loved said wonderful, heartwarming things about our relationship, told funny stories, and regaled us with matrimonial advice (mostly jokes).

What we didn’t, and couldn’t, know then was how different and how much more challenging Marriage would be than what we had heard or what we expected.  We didn’t know how much it would test us, how deeply it would stretch us, how much compromise and selflessness, and strength we would require of one another.  That while you are sure to continue to grow, that the real thing is finding a way to grow together, to listen, to really hear each other– even when what you are hearing may hurt you deeply.  This is the secret of marriage, I think– that it extends beyond speeches, and jokes, and glowing reviews, and even beyond those wedding dresses and tuxedos, the flowers and cake.  And what it leaves you with is something irreplaceable.  Something worn in and soft, like a baseball glove that’s been oiled with love and slept on– bound with rubber bands.

I think that at various points over the years, both of us ended up with somebody different than we thought we had married.    When my career was making me unhappy for many years, it surprised and frustrated him– he didn’t know how to help me or what to say to make me feel better about myself.   When our daughter was born, we both felt unappreciated and overlooked– that loving her had somehow momentarily sucked out our ability to love and cherish each other.  When we lost our second child to miscarriage, his heart ached differently than mine– it was painful for me to feel as though I was grieving alone.  That I was broken so completely and that he had somehow survived it.  There are always these human surprises when you are walking through life with another human person.  Our marriage hasn’t been without these complications– these moments of sadness, of introspection, of frustration or resentment.  But the sun always shines through the cracks.

Kyle is without question my Best Friend.  He’s the most genuinely “good” person that I have ever met, and he drives me crazy with how deeply he challenges me.  I revere it.  It’s made for some cracking arguments, that’s for sure, but I don’t know where or who I’d be if it wasn’t for the growth he has inspired in me these past five years.  He loves me well and without hesitation– and I mean that figuratively not literally, children!  LOL.  But that other stuff is great too.  Ha!  We laugh together a lot, or at least a lot more than you would imagine from two people who are raising two small children together.  Things are not always easy between us, and we’ve had our fair share of relationship “downs”– but the thing I always say about my husband is that he is the best Team Player I know.  He is always in it with me–ready to work on our marriage, ready to be humbled and learn and grow and apologize and forgive.  That’s what I’m most thankful for, today and every day in my marriage.  This acknowledgement that things don’t have to be perfect every day in order for us to keep on choosing each other.  We are both OK with a work in progress, because it is, and we are.

Thank you, Kyle, for doing the work with me.  Thank you for loving me and our kids unconditionally.  Thank you for being a better Father than I could have hoped for and a better husband than I ever expected.  Thank you for laughing with me, and sticking up for me, and pushing me to be better, and driving me crazy, and working tirelessly to make our future as a family the brightest it can be.

I love you madly and fiercely, now and always.  And I hope those sideburns never make a comeback.

 

xoxo

EAM

 

A Peek At Our Wedding…

 

Eva Amurri Martino of lifestyle and motherhood blog Happily Eva After, pictured on her wedding day in 2011 wearing a lela rose wedding dress with flower applique detail on the back, holding a white and blush bouquet

Eva Amurri Martino of lifestyle and motherhood blog Happily Eva After, wearing a white wedding dress with flower applique detail while holding hands with husband Kyle Martino wearing a black Brioni Tuxedo in Charleston South Carolina

Eva Amurri Martino of lifestyle and motherhood blog Happily Eva After, wearing a white wedding dress with flower applique detail exchanging vows with husband kyle Martino in charleston South Carolina

Eva Amurri Martino of lifestyle and motherhood blog Happily Eva After, wearing a white wedding dress with flower applique detail exchanging vows with husband kyle Martino in charleston South Carolina

Eva Amurri Martino of lifestyle and motherhood blog Happily Eva After, wearing a white Lela Rose wedding dress with white flower applique detail and a white veil, embracing her husband Kyle Martino wearing a black Brioni tux, on their wedding day in charleston, SC in 2011

Detail of Eva Amurri Martino's white and blush bridal bouquet

The back detail of Eva Amurri Martino's Lela Rose wedding dress, worn with a high bun hairstyle and two white orchids pinned in the back

Eva Amurri Martino and Kyle Martino dancing together on their wedding day in Charleston, SC

Eva Amurri Martino and Kyle Martino pictured in a dip on the dance floor on their wedding day in Charleston, SC

 

Wedding dress by Lela Rose, Tuxedo by Brioni

(Photographs by Tec Petaja)

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12 Comments

  1. Sue says:

    Happy Anniversary Eva and Kyle! I see a few familiar faces in the crowd. 😉 I know that you both have had lots of love, laughter and memories have been made in the past five years. I wish you nothing but more love, laughter, joy and happiness. Love to You, Kyle, Lowie and Major James! Sue

    10.31.16Reply
  2. BrookeLizC says:

    Happy Anniversary! I remember when People Magazine did a cover on your wedding. I thought to myself, “now there is a classic beauty!” I’ve been a fan of your mother for as long as I can remember and have loved seeing you as you’ve grown! In your wedding photos, you remind me of “Old Hollywood” glamour! You were such a beautiful bride and have become a beautiful mother and wife! I wish for you, ENOUGH! Enough of every little thing that makes life complete! Here’s to you and Kyle, the love that created your precious children, and a future that is filled with enough…and then some! Cheers!

    10.31.16Reply
  3. Rachel says:

    You looked so incredible at your wedding! I loved your hair and makeup and your dress!

    Aside from that, what a beautiful post. Truly shows what marriage is in reality, it’s really hard and you need to work at it, but it is so worth it and there are some surprises along the way.

    Happy Anniversary you two 😘

    10.31.16Reply
  4. Stephanie says:

    Your humor, honesty and truth is why so many people relate to you! You are such an inspiration and thank you for sharing your story. I have a daughter and we are expecting our son in January. I also lost a baby so I relate a lot to your life. Congratulations on your beautiful family!

    10.31.16Reply
  5. margo says:

    Happy anniversary, Eva & Kyle. What a beautifully written post! You both have been blessed with each other, and it is a joy to follow along with you both on your life’s journey. The pictures are stunning, and the pure happiness you both radiate is intoxicating. Thank you once again for allowing another glimpse into your lives. Much love & admiration, always¡
    M.M.

    10.31.16Reply
  6. Glenda says:

    Congratulations on five years and many, many more! Yes to team player! I’ve always said that about my husband. We’re on the same team not against each other. Best to you both and them beautiful kiddos.

    10.31.16Reply
  7. Mayra says:

    Beautiful words ….
    Congratulations on your five year anniversary …

    10.31.16Reply
  8. Darienne says:

    As a newlywed, your honesty and fresh perspective mean a lot to me. You guys are a beautiful couple, not only physically but also as human beings. It’s nice to hear that even you guys have problems and find a way to make it work because you love each other. My husband is my best friend too and life has not been all sunshine and rainbows; but it has always been full of love and laughter and that’s perfect for me. I will keep this post in mind as our marriage progresses, I never want to lose sight of what brought us together in the first place. Thank you, Eva! Happy Anniversary once again.

    10.31.16Reply
  9. Alessan says:

    Hey Eva!!
    Happy Anniversary and congrats on your beautiful baby boy 🙂 When do we get to see the bedrooms? especially his nursery ?????

    Alessan 🙂

    10.31.16Reply
  10. Lee says:

    I will never tire of your honesty, which is always so beautifully put–I might add! I just adore your attitude and willingness to share so many aspects of your life. For everyone, there are tough times and easy ones. I think we all need to learn to recognize those easy times when they are happening and also to enjoy whatever good we can during the tough times. Easier said than done, but it’s something I’m working on. Keep up the wonderful posts 😀

    11.01.16Reply
  11. Andrea says:

    Lovely post on marriage. I appreciate that you are realistic, that it’s not easy and everyone has their ups and downs. I really appreciate,though, how positive and hopeful and confident you are about marriage. People forget marriage and life takes work. It’s great work though! Happy Anniversary!

    11.04.16Reply
  12. MJ says:

    I just noticed Helen Prejean officiated! How lovely! She’s definitely a great teacher on love and forgiveness.

    All the best to your family.

    11.05.16Reply